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Candorville

Published 2018-02-04 (Image 167354)


More than 170 million of us might have radium in our tap water, Clyde. Radium. Do you have any idea what this means? What it mean, Big L? Canada or Bust! It means we may be drinking radioactive water. It could cause all sorts of things: anemia, bone cancer, cataracts, fractured teeth, death ... invisibility, super speed, wings, teleportation, mind-reading, laser eyes, crime-fighting, and a spandex-and-cape fetish. Im just trying to look on the bright side of living in a country where the White House keeps nominating a person whos known for falsifying data to get around water safety regulations to be head of the White House Council of Environmental Quality. I dont drink nothin but Pepsi, bruh, so I dont care bout none of this. Im gonna have to start working out if I have to wear spandex.

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