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Rudy Park

Published 2017-01-31 (Image 153978)


Did you say we import our coffee beans from Chernobyl? Isnt that place a nuclear wasteland? Thats culturally insensitive. Chernobyl is a beautiful land of glowing trees and three-headed mooses with raccoon tails. The brave and selfless tribe of hard-working grotesque mutants who hunt our coffee beans for us prefers "post-natural wilderness" to "nuclear wasteland." This is disgu -- Wait, what do you mean "hunt" our coffee beans? Dont get all bleeding-heart about it. The beans skittering around and chucking spears is no evidence theyre sentient.

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