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Candorville

Comics about wrong times.

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-20 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-20 Pub. Date: 2013-12-20
Image Number: 105214
Caption: Feudalbanc Massacard, this is Carol Ann, how may ah help yew, sugah? Oh, thank God, last time I was stuck talking to someone in Indonesia. Oh I know just what yew mean, like one tam, I was tryin' ta get ta Jacksonville an' I took the wrong plane. Fell asleep, an' when I woke up, wouldja believe I was lookin' at the Eiffel Tower? Well all I wanted in the whole world was to talk to a real live Amurican right about then. That brings to mind a funny story. Take about an hour ta tell it right. Could you transfer me to someone in Indonesia?
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-28 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-28 Pub. Date: 2013-07-28
Image Number: 99246
Caption: I always wanted a circle of friends like the ones I saw on TV. I wanted friends who would stick by me through all my failed romances … Like in "Sex and the City." … Friends who would care enough about me to argue with me when I'm wrong, like in "A Different World." ... Friends who would do silly dances to make me lighten up, like in "What's Happening!!" ... Friends who would fight every battle for me, like Fonzie did for Richie Cunningham. WHY CAN'T I FIND FRIENDS LIKE THOSE?! Maybe because you've spent all your time watching TV. FRASIER CRANE never would've said that.
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-12-28 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-12-28 Pub. Date: 2012-12-28
Image Number: 91456
Caption: Merry Christmas, Clyde. That was days ago. Whachoo doin'? Thug 4 Life. People say "Merry Christmas" for days before Christmas. Why not say it afterward too? "After" is just as far away from Christmas as "Before." What makes "before" so special? As points in time go, "before" is a spoiled brat. I picked the wrong year to take up "listening." Thug 4 Life.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-08 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-08 Pub. Date: 2012-07-08
Image Number: 82262
Caption: Have you noticed all those commercials about people who pee too much? Yeah. That doesn’t seem like a good sign to me. When a whole country can't hold its bowels, something's wrong. Now I know what you're going to say … You do? It's the bladder that controls that. But now's not the time to nitpick; Not when we're sucking down fake sugar drinks and "chicken nuggets" that for all we know are made of ground-up grizzly bear toenails. Next time I say "Why so quiet?" just say "No reason." There's a reason the whole continent's incontinent.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-08 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-08 Pub. Date: 2012-02-08
Image Number: 76089
Caption: No, Clyde, I don’t "need a woman." I just got out of a relationship. When a relationship ends badly, you need to be by yourself for a while … … To figure out what went wrong, so you won't repeat those mistakes next time. But I find repeating the same mistakes is much easier than figurin' out new ones. Good talk, Clyde.
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-05 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-05 Pub. Date: 2012-02-05
Image Number: 75448
Caption: I'm thinking of coming out, Susan. I've been keeping it a secret since … Forever. I guess I've been ashamed. But that's selfish of me. To spare myself the social stigma, I've been living a lie. But that just reinforces the idea that it's wrong for people like me to be how we are. It's important for each of us to speak up, to say who we are, because there's safety in numbers. When people realize they know one of us ... ... Then all of a sudden we don't seem so weird or scary or ... wrong. After all these years ... It's time for me to admit I thought Star Trek: Voyager was a great show. Dios Mio, nobody cares about Star Track. TREK!
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-01 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-01 Pub. Date: 2012-01-01
Image Number: 74226
Caption: To be honest, I haven't been on a date in a while. I called you for the first time in three years because I just got out of a long-term relationship with a soul-crushing demon who twisted everything I said to make me seem like I was always wrong … Wrong to like Star Trek, wrong to listen to Lenny Kravitz, wrong to ask her not to yell at me. When I said "Don't yell at me," she would say "Why? You think your special or something?" Pass the salt? I once asked her to pass the salt, and she said "A real man would get the salt himself." She was always doing that kind of thing. I asked you out in the hopes you'll restore my faith in romance before I get cynical and bitter. Note to self: Honesty is not the best policy, Would you excuse me for a moment, as I back away slowly and then start running?
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-30 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-30 Pub. Date: 2011-11-30
Image Number: 73558
Caption: 1982. Do you believe in E.T.'s, Lemont? I believe in everything, Susan. Ghosts? Check. Vampires? Check. Frankenstein? Check. Bigfoot? Check. Mummies? Check. Time travel? Check. Atlantis? No. Wait ... Check. Then Mrs. Washington is dead wrong about you. I AM a well-rounded individual.
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-15 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-15 Pub. Date: 2011-10-15
Image Number: 66570
Caption: What's the matter with you? That. That what? I was zoning out, existing in a blissful limbo, unaware of the passage of time and space: oblivious to my own condition. But because an observer suspects something is wrong with me, I'm actively examining myself. And if I fail to find a problem, I'm likely to concoct one in order to furnish the observer with an answer ... Or you could just say "nothing." Nothing!
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-17 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-17 Pub. Date: 2011-07-17
Image Number: 63193
Caption: The first black president - whose parent's marriage was illegal in many states at the time he was born -- says the issues of marriage for gays is best left to the states … … adding "when has America ever gone wrong leaving Civil Rights issues to the states?"
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-11 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-11 Pub. Date: 2011-06-11
Image Number: 61782
Caption: You're married? And you have five kids? Um … is there something wrong with that? YES! I've been in love with you half my life! You wrote to me after 16 years, at a time when I'm feeling old and alone! We're supposed to fall back in love, get married and live happily ever after! DELETE DELETE DELETE. 'Course not. I'm happy for you.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-05 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-05 Pub. Date: 2011-05-05
Image Number: 60510
Caption: Does the petitioner have anything to add, before I hear from opposing counsel? No, your honor, I think we can safely say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." What's wrong? That phrase … It's … oh, never mind. I guess it's before your time. Carry on. I say to opposing counsel ... No! Don't say "br.. BRING IT ON!!!
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-10 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-10 Pub. Date: 2011-03-10
Image Number: 58316
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont … It's like 1994 all over again! First I get back in touch with you … and just now I got a message from Susan Garcia! She and I were closer than sisters back in college. I don't know why she stopped talking to me. Do you remember Susan? Yeah, I hang out with her all the time. Just today she was feeling bad about not asking how my court case was going. She thought I was feeling like nobody cared. I told her not to worry, 'cause YOU were giving me moral support. Tap tap tap tap tap. OMG ... Lemont ... What? What's wrong? Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Um ... Nothing. You're so cute sometimes. Maybe we can ALL hang out! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-10-23 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-10-23 Pub. Date: 2010-10-23
Image Number: 53250
Caption: The holidays are just around the corner, and it's making me so @#$% depressed, Doc. The economy's so bad I had to lay off twelve elves … and now slave labor in Outsourcistan is picking up the slack. Couldn't afford to pay for their health insurance? Not just that. I'd slashed their pay already ... ... So they were going hungry. Started to look at Blitzen the wrong way.
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-10-14 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-10-14 Pub. Date: 2010-10-14
Image Number: 53004
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? It's over between me and Sasha. Huh? Wha -- She just barely wrote to you, for the first time in sixteen years. You haven't even written back yet. What do you mean "it's over"? What've I done with my life, Susan? Nothing! I'm still the same insecure, underachieving slob she knew in college. Yeah, but ... maybe she is too. I'll write back as soon as I win a Pulitzer.
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-28 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-28 Pub. Date: 2010-08-28
Image Number: 51241
Caption: Hello wrong number, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. The person you're trying to reach cannot come to the phone because he or she does not live here. Please call back and inexplicably ask for the same wrong person a couple more times, hoping for a different answer. Beep. Tyrone? That you?
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-25 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-25 Pub. Date: 2010-08-25
Image Number: 51238
Caption: If I tell her I wish she wouldn't retire, she'll take it the wrong way. If I tell her I'm glad she'll be spending more time with her family, she'll take it the wrong way. Don't you have ANYTHING to say to me?! If I tell her we can't afford to pay her pension, she'll take it the wrong way.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-22 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-22 Pub. Date: 2010-02-22
Image Number: 44345
Caption: Y'know, the problem with you liberals is you don't take a stand. You're all about moral equivalency. You waste time "TOLERATING" people who're clearly wrong. … And you elected a secret Kenyan Muslim communist president. THAT'S just crazy talk. "Crazy"? Y'know, the problem with you liberals is you just don't tolerate opposing points of view.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-17 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-17 Pub. Date: 2010-01-17
Image Number: 43145
Caption: I got so angry about the whole health care thing. Every time government talked about expanding access to health care, people would tell me that's socialism. And socialism's wrong. I was talking to my buddies about that while we waited for our pizza to get there. Lalo said to me, "Hey, where's your $5? We're all chipping in for this pizza." So I called him a socialist. I told him I won't surrender to group-dictated pizza, I'll buy my own. And I stormed out. I see. This still doesn't explain why you didn't pay me last week. I'm saving up for free-market pizza.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-07-21 wrong time 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-07-21 Pub. Date: 2009-07-21
Image Number: 36428
Caption: Are you sure I don't need to be trained for this? Settle down civilian. We'll free your journalist from that Iranian hellhole in time for Letterman. I'm highly trained in all forms of martial arts. Aikido. Ninjutsu. Tango. I can field strip a stinger missile in 2.35 minutes. I can blend in to any surrounding. What could possibly go wrong? Beep. Hold on a sec. What do you mean "Am I sure I should be texting?" Tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
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