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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-14 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-14 Pub. Date: 2019-11-14
Image Number: 180301
Caption: Remember when we were kids, you wanted to write a story about a white slave in an alternate-universe America run by black slave owners? I've been wanting to read that book ever since. You should really write it. How do you remember that? I don't even remember that. That's why I explained to you the importance of keeping a meticulous journal, on April 11th, 1982. I don't remember that.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-13 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-13 Pub. Date: 2019-11-13
Image Number: 180300
Caption: 1982. When I grow up, I want to write Roots 2, where we find out it was all just a dream. Kunta Kinte's dream? No, Chad Cunningham's dream. He's a white slave in a society run by black slave owners, in a world colonized by Africans instead of Europeans. Now do Wizard of Oz. A munchkin finds himself in Kansas, being chased by an angry sheriff ...
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-11 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-11 Pub. Date: 2019-11-11
Image Number: 180298
Caption: 1982. You want to be what, Lemont? A Jedi. I'm already practicing. But that's just a movie, Lemont. It's not really real. I think all stories are real. I think writers only think they made them up. I think what's really going on is, the universe is alive. And writers are the universe's way of remembering incidents that really happened. Is this about how Mrs. Drake gave your book report an F? My remembering of the incident is every bit as valid as the author's.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-29 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-29 Pub. Date: 2019-10-29
Image Number: 180103
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? A lot of my readers have turned one me. All because I wrote an article called The New McCarthyism about how Democrats took legit intelligence about Russian interfering in our elections … and went way too far with it. Now, one Democrat will accuse another Democrat of being a Russian bot if that Democrat even mildly critiques a Democrat that Democrat likes. You sound like a Russian bot. That's what my readers said.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-28 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-28 Pub. Date: 2019-10-28
Image Number: 180102
Caption: I wish you'd stop bashing Hillary Clinton, Lemont. I didn't bash her. All I did was write an article saying it was irresponsible to accuse Tulsi Gabbard of being a stooge of Russia without better evidence. I didn't know you were a Tulsi supporter. You don't have to be a supporter to speak up when someone's treated unfairly. What species do you think you belong to? Homo Fairpiens.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-05 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-05 Pub. Date: 2019-09-05
Image Number: 179297
Caption: When I was ten, I wrote a short story about a future dystopian earth … in which white supremacists had infiltrated everything from the local police departments to the Oval Office. Propaganda had brainwashed half the country. Our votes no longer counted. Our President was a conniving would-be dictator who was imprisoning children. Toward the end, I had the Amazon rainforest burning up and dying. No ... I still don't believe the 21st century is all your fault. I even depicted Bill Cosby in prison ... Although for a totally different reason.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-21 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-21 Pub. Date: 2019-08-21
Image Number: 179095
Caption: Writing a memoir is hard, Clyde, mostly because of the Rashomon Effect. The what-a-man what? The Rashomon Effect. Everyone remember events differently. For instance, everyone I interviewed recalled the Banana Scandal from my fifth birthday party differently from the way I remember it. I remember that. That was disgusting what you had that gobots toy do with that banana. See?! There was no gobot!
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-20 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-20 Pub. Date: 2019-08-20
Image Number: 179094
Caption: Hey, Turbo, it's Lemont. We haven't spoke in decades, and I don't even remember why. Something about me not caring how you felt about stuff, or whatever. Well, actually, no I don't want to let bygones be bygones. I'm writing a memoir, so I'm hoping you can remind me what happened ... Hello?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-19 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-19 Pub. Date: 2019-08-19
Image Number: 179093
Caption: Hi Mrs. Cass. It's Lemont Brown, your pupil from Baldwin kindergarten class of 1980. I'm writing my memoir, and I'm hoping you can check your records and confirm that I'm remembering an incident from back then correctly. That time I led the class in a rebellion against naptime ... Do your files show that I shouted You have nothing to lose but your blankies? Oh, you don't? ... So I guess you were lying when you said it would go down on my permanent record ... Yes ma'am, I have been waiting 40 years to do that.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-30 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-30 Pub. Date: 2019-07-30
Image Number: 178782
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Elizabeth Warren. As many of you have correctly guessed … I've been ghost-writing all of her Donald Trump-related speeches and tweets. That's why she's been tearing him a new one lately. Sadie's lady's coming for you, Donald!!! ... But I would like all my listeners to write to Liz and ask her to stop leaving out all my well-crafted expletives.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-17 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-17 Pub. Date: 2019-07-17
Image Number: 178561
Caption: Did you know comic strips are written weeks, sometimes months, in advance? Nope. Sometimes it leads to embarrassment. For instance, I was reading my favorite strip Bluntburg. It was lampooning the Robert Mueller testimony before Congress that was scheduled for today. How was the cartoonist to know weeks ago that Congress would be closed today because of a freak elephant stampede? Did that really happen today? Maybe.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-06 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-06 Pub. Date: 2019-07-06
Image Number: 178395
Caption: So your mom self-published your rough draft to Amazon, costing you a six-figure book deal you already had. Why on earth are you smiling? She did it by accident. She thought she was just making a copy for herself. In any case, it means Momma loves my work. That's a really sweet attitude, Lemont. I'm proud of you. And for the rest of the time, I'll have something to throw in her face when she guilt-trips me.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-05 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-05 Pub. Date: 2019-07-05
Image Number: 178394
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I emailed Momma the rough draft of my memoir. I just wanted to know if my recollection of the scandalous patty-cake incident from preschool was accurate. Momma self-published it on Amazon. My book agent's furious, and two publishers have retracted their six-figure bids! On the bright side, now you have a story for your next memoir. She title it Look at What my Baby Wrote.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-04 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-04 Pub. Date: 2019-07-04
Image Number: 178393
Caption: I finished reading the rough draft of your memoir, Lemont. Cool. The problem was, I realized that all my stories involved other people, who might not want me to write about them. So I wrote a mathematical formula to determine whether the juiciness of the story was greater than my desire to keep that person's friendship. Pretty lame excuse for not even mentioning me once in your memoir, best friend. No, it's a compliment, really.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-13 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-13 Pub. Date: 2019-06-13
Image Number: 178023
Caption: I've narrowed down the list of who I want to write the foreword to my next book, Clyde. The ones that made the cut are Slimeball, Slippery James, Puppet Jones, Lamb the Sham, McMuffin, Fat Jerry, Crazy Nancy, Wacky Jacky, Pencil Neck, Mr. Magoo, Dumb as a Rock, and Mr. Peepers. I would've chosen The Dumbest Man on Television, but he was kind of standoffish when we met. Psycho Joe was surprisingly friendly. In other words, you still upset the President ain't nicknamed you.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-12 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-12 Pub. Date: 2019-06-12
Image Number: 178022
Caption: What do you mean? I mean, you need an assistant, bruh. For what? I write all my site's articles, I take all the photos, I film all the videos, I sell all the ads … and everything's just how I like it. Then I get someone to do all the unimportant @#$%, like gettin' you lunch. Last time I did that, my lunches kept coming half-eaten. No, I told you, that's how they made it.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-10 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-10 Pub. Date: 2019-06-10
Image Number: 178020
Caption: … So I said Yeah, I self-publish my own books. You know why? … Because it's not 1950 anymore. By self-publishing I keep all the profits. And since most people buy online, I can sell just as many books as a traditional publisher … So stop mocking for it. Bruh ... that was no way to talk to your momma.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-05 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-05 Pub. Date: 2019-06-05
Image Number: 177954
Caption: Hello, Fox News? This is Lemont Brown with candorville.com. I'm writing an article about the doctored video you aired, and I'm wondering if I could get a copy of it … No, not the one about Planned Parenthood … No, not the one about ACORN … No, not the one about CNN. I want the one about the Congresswoman ... No, the one about the other Congresswoman ... No ...
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-30 writing 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-30 Pub. Date: 2019-05-30
Image Number: 177796
Caption: Hello, me. I'm you from the future. I've come back in time to ask you to write in your journal more often. You know all those incredible little moments and all those profound or funny things your little boy says that make you think I'll never forget that? Well guess what? You've forgotten them all. Also, make sure you write about butterflies, panda bears and our democracy. Zzzzz.
     
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