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Candorville

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121. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-03 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-03 Pub. Date: 2009-09-03
Image Number: 38000
Caption: I just wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die! I can't stand knowing that she's with some other man who doesn't deserve her. Big L, you've got to … Have you made out a will? Yes. Am I in it? No. Big L, you've got to LIVE. You've gotta go on with your life!
     
122. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-24 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-24 Pub. Date: 2009-08-24
Image Number: 37755
Caption: When you say you've "met someone," you mean like some annoying kid you never want to see again. No Lemont. I've developed feelings for someone at work. By that you mean feelings of derision, or mild, detached admiration. I've got the hots for Dick Fink. Could be he gave you the bird flu. That's a symptom. Um ... Is there something wrong? Probably, he sounds shady. You might wanna avoid him from now on.
     
123. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-16 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-16 Pub. Date: 2009-06-16
Image Number: 35245
Caption: What's that? It never fails. The minute you try to do something in private, the whole world shows up. It's just like texting in your car. Text…what? You wanna send a text message. You pull up to a red light. They always take forever. So you start writing, and BAM, the light turns green. I'll just come back later. At the worse possible moment, I'm sure.
     
124. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-10 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-10 Pub. Date: 2009-05-10
Image Number: 32176
Caption: Erebody talking 'bout "Hunt down those Somalia pirates. Kill 'em! Show them who's boss!" Britain, France, the U.S. …all sending warships to shoot more pirates. You wanna end piracy? I'll tell you how to end piracy. Take those warships… …an' have 'em PROTECT Somalia fishermen from the Asian and European ships that've been stealing Somalia's seafood and dumping nuclear waste in Somalia's waters ever since Somalia's government fell in 1991. Then Somalians could get back to earning a living off their own resources and won't have to resort to piracy just to survive. That's how you stop piracy. Whaddaya think of that? I don't know. Whaddaya think of barbers who think they're on Oprah and won't stop talking long enough to cut somebody's hair? Barbers don't go for sarcasm.
     
125. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-29 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-29 Pub. Date: 2009-03-29
Image Number: 31247
Caption: I'll start with the original "Star Wars." Then "Empire." That way you preserve the big surprise about Luke's dad. Then "Episodes 1&2." "The Clone Wars" cartoons, and then "Episode 3." They'll be like a flashback someone tells Luke while he's healing from the whole hand thing. They'll give time to build anxiety over Han's fate, and they'll set up Vader's redemptive journey. Which I'll then finish by watching... ...That's right, baby, "Return of the Jedi." Dios mio. Not at all what I meant when I said "You should write a five-year plan." Pshht. Five years? I could do it in five days. There are ways. You don't even wanna know.
     
126. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-04 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-04 Pub. Date: 2009-02-04
Image Number: 29875
Caption: Dear Richard Pryor who art in heaven… What is it, my child? We got a black president. But here I am, still callin' other bruthas "N*****." I wanna stop. I know YOU stopped. How do I do it, Richard Pryor? N****, you called me back from heaven for this? N****, jus' tell me!
     
127. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-30 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-30 Pub. Date: 2009-01-30
Image Number: 29704
Caption: "Hey Lemont, wanna go camping?" who are y… Oh, I remember you. You're Saxon Kenchu. You work for my fiancée's dad. Say, this wouldn't be my fiancée's insulting attempt to replace my friend's with someone like you who she finds acceptable, would it? "No (smile)." Ok, I'll go get my hat.
     
128. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-10 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-10 Pub. Date: 2009-01-10
Image Number: 29204
Caption: You're the meeeaning in my life, you're the inspiraaaaation… You bring feeling to my life, you're the inspiraaaation… That your phone, Big L? Is WHAT my phone? Wanna have you near me, I wanna have you near me saaaayiiiiinnn… Whatever kickin' that weak-@#$ ringtone. No one neeeeeds you MORE THAN I... neeeed... yoouuuu... I don't hear anything. Listen closer to your pants.
     
129. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-23 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-23 Pub. Date: 2008-11-23
Image Number: 28124
Caption: Hey Lemont, wanna go running by the docks? Can't, Susan. Tubman and I are spending some quality time. Tubman? Who's Tubman? My Bluetooth headset. I lost it four months ago. I'm always losing it. For months at a time. And when I find it, I lose it again within minutes. I finally found it a few minutes ago. Our time together is fleeting. But that just makes it all the more special. Dios mio. Get your shoes on. I don't have all day. Well...can Tubman come?
     
130. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-29 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-29 Pub. Date: 2008-08-29
Image Number: 26241
Caption: Hold it right there! Wha? Who-- I'm Lemont Brown… ...and that's my fiancée's house you're sneaking out of at two in the morning. That's my son's house you're sneaking out of at two in the morning! I wanna know two things: (a) what are you doing here, and (b) who the @#$% are you?! Wait... John Edwards? (a) I deny everything, and (b), Ok, I confess.
     
131. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-25 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-25 Pub. Date: 2008-07-25
Image Number: 25216
Caption: Will I, Jesse Jackson still be the most important black man in America if Barack Obama is president? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice. 50¢. Or will I be irrelevant? How will I be able to cope with that? You wanna know how to come to terms with it? The C-Dog don't do coming to terms. I WANNA KNOW HOW TO CUT HIS #$&% OUT AND RAM 'EM UP HIS @#$! That, I can do.
     
132. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-11 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-11 Pub. Date: 2008-05-11
Image Number: 23438
Caption: Mello? This is your wake-up call. Life is good. You have tons of friends. Your wildest dreams are within reach, Susan. Susan? Um… Isn't this 555-5456? No. It's 555-5555. Oh… 555-5555, you say? Let's see… Um… Sir, you might wanna just stay in bed this year. Put your supervisor on the phone!
     
133. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-04-10 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-04-10 Pub. Date: 2008-04-10
Image Number: 22787
Caption: Wanna go somewhere with me, Lemont? If you can sign this affidavit. "I, undersigned female friend, certify under penalty of perjury… "…that there will be no lingerie section or purse-holding involved, nor will there be perfume within 100 feet of our destination." How long have you been waiting to give me this? Initial there.
     
134. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-12-27 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-12-27 Pub. Date: 2007-12-27
Image Number: 20851
Caption: I can't believe I'm back in Christmas 1982 watching my younger self wait all day by the phone for a call from his dad. …A call that will never come. How could the universe be so cruel? Why do I have to go through this all over again? I'm sitting there alone, just like I remember it, realizing I don't have anyone who wants to be with me. Nobody wants me. Hey, Lemont, wanna come out and play with us? !@#!?
     
135. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-10-31 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-10-31 Pub. Date: 2007-10-31
Image Number: 19120
Caption: I have a 20-year elementary school reunion next week, Roxanne. I wanna take you and your son. Sorry, I've got plans that day. I'm voting. Or getting a vasectomy. Ok, first of all, I didn't tell you which day it is yet… Vasectomies take a while.
     
136. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-09-22 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-09-22 Pub. Date: 2007-09-22
Image Number: 18623
Caption: Wanna help me play, mister? Wuzzat? Tetris? Pac-man? Internet gambling. Who d'you think's the next anti-gay Republican who'll get caught soliciting gay sex? I doubled my lunch money on Senator Craig. Innocence is dead. What the *%&# is "Pac-man"?
     
137. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-30 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-30 Pub. Date: 2007-07-30
Image Number: 18084
Caption: Hey bro, wanna be friends? Huh? Do I know you? No. Do we have anything in common? Dunno. Wanna be friends? (sigh) Well, I guess-- Cool! Thanks for the add. You'll probably never hear from me again. @#$% Myspace Generation. Got a photo of you I can put in my wallet?
     
138. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-18 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-18 Pub. Date: 2007-07-18
Image Number: 17939
Caption: Wanna grab dinner, Lemont? Can't. I've been invited to my elementary school reunion. I've let myself go, Susan. Can't let them see me like this. I have to get back to my school weight. You were 76 pounds. For the next month, I eat nothing but carrots and hay.
     
139. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-05-31 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-31 Pub. Date: 2007-05-31
Image Number: 17384
Caption: Hello, I'm Mitt Romney. I'm running for president. Although I'm a Mormon, I can't imagine anything more awful than polygamy. Just thought you should know that. Wanna hear a good Mormon joke? Someone's over-compensating.
     
140. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-05-05 wanna 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-05-05 Pub. Date: 2007-05-05
Image Number: 17069
Caption: Hi, Dr. Sadie, I just wanna say Alec Baldwin's a horrible father for yelling at his kid over the phone. Mommy I'm hungry. They should take away his visitation rights if he -- Kate, Mommy's on the radio. Be good -- if he can't control… Mommy! Kate, I told you, be quiet. Mommy's on the radio -- if he can't control his temper, he sho... Mommy MOMMY Mom- Mom MOMMY mommy! For the last time Kate, shut up! Mommy's on the @#*& RADIO! The Dr. Sadie show will be right back.
     
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