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Candorville

Comics about waits and waiting.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-04 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-04 Pub. Date: 2019-09-04
Image Number: 179296
Caption: I got a left sock, a. kidney bean an' a bootleg video of … never mind. Wait … A bootleg video of what? You can't just start a sentence like that and not finish it. It's a video some brotha given' a career day speech to kids in the Monroe High auditorium. Bruh was reeeal nervous. I was not nerv -- I mean, it wasn't me. I ain't never seen nobody projectile vomit they entire lunch before.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-19 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-19 Pub. Date: 2019-08-19
Image Number: 179093
Caption: Hi Mrs. Cass. It's Lemont Brown, your pupil from Baldwin kindergarten class of 1980. I'm writing my memoir, and I'm hoping you can check your records and confirm that I'm remembering an incident from back then correctly. That time I led the class in a rebellion against naptime ... Do your files show that I shouted You have nothing to lose but your blankies? Oh, you don't? ... So I guess you were lying when you said it would go down on my permanent record ... Yes ma'am, I have been waiting 40 years to do that.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-10 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-10 Pub. Date: 2019-08-10
Image Number: 178911
Caption: R. Kelly's crisis manager said he wouldn't leave his teenage daughter alone with him, an' then quit. Wait a second … a big PR agency just quit representing one of the private border camps where migrants are being mistreated. Could it be the country's actually growing a conflux? ... I mean, a concave? ... I mean, a conglomerate? The word conscience ain't been used much lately. it'll come to me!!!
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-02 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-02 Pub. Date: 2019-08-02
Image Number: 178785
Caption: Let me ask you a man-to-man question, Randy, asterisk. Shoot. Let's say you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you notice your first gray hair. Would it be manlier to immediately pluck it out and pretend it never happened, or would it be manlier to tell yourself it's actually blond? Armstrong, avoiding the truth is never manl ... wait ... asterisk? (Asterisk) By answering my question you enter into a binding nondisclosure agreement.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-14 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-14 Pub. Date: 2019-07-14
Image Number: 178556
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-04 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-04 Pub. Date: 2019-06-04
Image Number: 177953
Caption: I can't wait to watch Star Trek: Picard. The teaser trailer made it pretty clear the show heavily involves the destruction of Romulus from J.J. Abrams 2009 film. That's going to tick off all the Abrams-haters who've been whining ever since 2009. I. Cannot. Wait. I thought Star Trek was all about a future where people aren't petty anymore. I'm all for eradicating pettiness after I get this last dig in.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-10 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-10 Pub. Date: 2019-05-10
Image Number: 177532
Caption: What happened, bruh? When we was kids, most we had to worry about was someone had a knife. Didn't nobody bring guns to preschool an' terrorize little kids, Big L. We even had massive gang wars on campus in high school, an' not one person got shot. Ah … the good old days. In my day, we had to wait 'til we was walkin' home to get shot at.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-25 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-25 Pub. Date: 2019-04-25
Image Number: 177326
Caption: What're you doing? Just setting up. Dr. Noodle. I've livecasting a reaction video to my therapy. It's streaming on Facebook Live and Youtube right now. Well? What're you waiting for? I think I can dispense with asking Why have you come to therapy. Make sure you skip all the boring questions, I don't want to lose viewers.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-22 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-22 Pub. Date: 2019-04-22
Image Number: 177323
Caption: My cousin Mafalda just got deported. Seriously? Why? What happened? She went to renew her work visa, and they told her forget it. Didn't even give her a reason. But she runs a health clinic. What about all her patients? What about me? I was about to go in and get a checkup. What? You were not. Now I'll have to wait till she goes back to Mexico, files and appeal, comes back and restarts her clinic. Dios mio. Stop coming up with excuses not to go to the doctor.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-07 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-07 Pub. Date: 2019-04-07
Image Number: 176834
Caption: I haven't taken a vacation in fifteen years. Wait a minute … didn't you say something about visiting Bermuda? Wasn't that just, like, a year ago? That was business. I was selling collectibles. And two years ago, didn't you say something about snorkeling off Noanoa Island? Newsweak. That was business. I was chipping off some of the last living pieced of our dying coral reefs, and selling them on the black market. If you can write it off, it's not a vacation. Didn't you just get back from Hawaii? That was business ...
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-06 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-06 Pub. Date: 2019-04-06
Image Number: 177047
Caption: My baby boys' really into trains. So I bought a train bed, hand-painted in the colors of his favorite steam train. I ordered a handmade train quilt for it and got him train conductor pajamas. By the time it all arrived, he was really into monster trucks. So I sent it all back and ordered a bunch of airplane stuff. Wait - you did what? I'm getting ahead of the curve. He's not going to fool me again.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-22 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-22 Pub. Date: 2019-03-22
Image Number: 176839
Caption: Boss, if you could be any animal on earth, which one would you be? I'm glad you asked, minion. I'd be a nocturnal, camouflaged Wobbegong at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. There I'd lie in wait, ever vigilant, ever hungry ... ever ready to devour any creature large or small unlucky enough to brush against my whiskers. I'm going to back away now. No, no ... don't back away, minion ... That's when the Wobbegong will get you.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-18 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-18 Pub. Date: 2019-03-18
Image Number: 176835
Caption: I'm thinking of becoming a radical alt-right internet sensation. Ok, that's it. You can't just go along with every new trend there is. Some people are painters. Some are musicians. Some compose symphonies. My innate talent is sensing incoming trend waves and surfing their peaks and troughs as with the grace of a dolphin. Being a lemming is not a talent, little buddy. And I'm not sure dolphins "surf." Hold on ... trend wave incoming! It involves ... corduroy ... No, wait ... pancakes.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-23 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-23 Pub. Date: 2019-01-23
Image Number: 175942
Caption: Why you always arguin' with other journalists on Twitter, bruh? It ain't a good look. They call you a useful idiot, you call them a corporate stooge, don't nobody come out on top. Before you know it, you an' Anderson Blitzer gonna be throwin' hands, or havin' a dance-battle in that alley. Wait ... he and I were having a private argument. How'd you see it? That ain't important right now. Give me back my phone!!!
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-13 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-13 Pub. Date: 2019-01-13
Image Number: 175590
Caption: I'm doing well in my latest Surveymonkey poll. I run polls on all my social media accounts every time I make an important decision. Like when I decide which socks to wear … which movie to stream … which cereal to eat … Today I chose Lucky Charms. A solid choice. 49% of my followers felt that was proof of sound breakfast judgment. Wait ... Doesn't that mean 51% thought it wasn't? Taking a poll is science. Reporting the results is an art. A whopping 32% felt that my sticking with an un-PC breakfast choice showed I was bold enough to be president. You just ate what everyone wished they could eat.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-06 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-06 Pub. Date: 2019-01-06
Image Number: 175478
Caption: I'm thinking of buying an income property. That's 'cause I'm already paying one mortgage that I barely qualified for, so I didn't think I'd qualify for another. But YouTube videos told me I'm not supposed to get a new mortgage. I'm supposed to get a home equity line of credit, and use that heloc to pay cash for my investment property. A heloc is usually 80% of the equity a homeowner has in the home. And I have lots of equity. What's lots? 20% of what I bought it for. Wait ... didn't you buy your shack for $8,000? I can get a pretty sweet income property in Chernobyl for 80 percent of $8,000. But your heloc wouldn't be 80% of $8,000. It'd be 80% of 10% of $8,000. Yeah. I figured that out. That's why my realtor and I are scoping out underwater caves off the Siberian coast. That's why you wanted to borrow my scuba gear.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-04 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-04 Pub. Date: 2019-01-04
Image Number: 175660
Caption: What're you doing here, Mort? What do you mean? Shouldn't you be in DC right now? The new Congress was sworn in yesterday. I don't follow. You're missing … wait … you do know you won your election, right? I what my what? You mean that actually happened? It wasn't an Imodium-induced hallucination? The Blue Wave Congress is a motley crew.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-15 wait 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-15 Pub. Date: 2018-11-15
Image Number: 174938
Caption: You're a journalist … You've written a bunch of novels. But have you ever thoughts of writing poetry? Not in a million years. Why not? Wait … is this about what happened in second grade? Of course not, Susan. Just because a young boy stands up in front of the entire school and does a comedy routine in iambic pentameter, and nobody laughs even once ... doesn't mean he'll be traumatized, or anything. It wasn't 'cause it was a poem, Lemont. The room was just a little too old for droll observations about Muppet culture. I've asked you to never say Muppets around me.
     
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