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Candorville

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-28 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-28 Pub. Date: 2013-06-28
Image Number: 98451
Caption: What if our universe ain't really real? What if we part of some simulation written by some programmer? What if we only think we got free will, but we only capable of making the choices that programmer programmed us to make? What did you do, Clyde? Only what I been written to do.
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-04-21 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-04-21 Pub. Date: 2013-04-21
Image Number: 95578
Caption: All I'm saying is, if you're going to tell a science fiction joke, it can't be about something so obscure. It's not obscure, it was on TV for five years! I still don’t see why "in and alternate universe, they're rebooting 'Sliders'" is funny. I can't explain it to you. No joke is funny once it's explained. (Sigh.) Fine. "Sliders" was a show about alternate universes. Apparently you can explain why a joke is NOT funny. I don't get it. What do you mean?
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-01-25 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-01-25 Pub. Date: 2013-01-25
Image Number: 92642
Caption: If mankind is all alone in the universe, then it's even more important to get out into space. Don’t you see, Susan … If that were true, then all those stars and all those planets give out species a purpose. It's out purpose to populate the universe. It's my theory that most guy philosophies should like pickup lines.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-23 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-23 Pub. Date: 2012-10-23
Image Number: 88836
Caption: Behold, Clyde, the good news. Shhh! I am the Lord, I am the universe. I am ALL. You may not want to "shoosh" Me, is what I'm saying. I said "shhh," not "shoosh." They're the same … Oh, never mind.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-08-25 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-08-25 Pub. Date: 2012-08-25
Image Number: 86187
Caption: You think there a afterlife, Big L? Well, everything in the universe - everything including life - is made of energy. And energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Is you still talking? Everything except patience.
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-29 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-29 Pub. Date: 2012-07-29
Image Number: 84200
Caption: My brother used to collect DC Comics, while I collected Marvel. He always acted like his were so much better than mine. Dr. Noodle. "Superman could kick Spider-man's butt!" he'd say. One time he said … "What's that? Wolverine is jealous of Cyclops? Tell me about that later, I think The Flash is about to sacrifice himself to save the entire universe." But look what's happened: Marvel's superhero movies are SPANKING DC's. "Avengers" earned $50 trillion, while the last "Superman" flick made $42.50. All I asked was "Do you still feel inferior because your brother bought a house while you're still renting a studio apartment?" And all I'm saying is, you win some, you lose some.
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-06-01 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-06-01 Pub. Date: 2012-06-01
Image Number: 81466
Caption: I was thinking "@$% foreigners should learn our language." But then it occurred to me … Within each of us is an entire universe of beliefs. It's as if each of us speaks his own language. Don't you see, Rosencrantz? We're ALL foreigners to each other. Show me your papers!
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-15 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-15 Pub. Date: 2012-01-15
Image Number: 74809
Caption: When I was a kid, astronomers doubted whether there were planets anywhere other than our own solar system. Now we've found hundreds, and evidence is mounting that there may be two billion earth-like planets in our galaxy alone. We just found one that's only 600 light-years away. Life is tenacious. It pops up everywhere. Even on my shower curtain. Odds are, these 2 billion earths have life on them, and this one that's 600 light-years away ... We have the knowledge right now to create a generational ship that could get people there in less than 1,000 years, if we wanted to. It used to be insane to believe there's alien life out there ... no it's insane not to believe it. I call dibs on their natural resources. You should call dibs on cleaning your shower curtain.
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-28 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-28 Pub. Date: 2011-11-28
Image Number: 73556
Caption: 1982. Mrs. Cass just taught us about the big bang. It's how the Universe started, in a big explosion. What exploded? A singularity. Mrs. Cass told us "It's like a zit. You may not know where it came from, but you sure do know when it pops." What's a "zit"? I almost never understand what Mrs. Cass says.
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-14 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-14 Pub. Date: 2011-08-14
Image Number: 64314
Caption: I know what you're saying: It's time for me to get out there again. Put myself back on the market … that I've been burned so many times, but that shouldn't cause me to build a wall around my heart and never let anyone in again. But, Susan, I … feel like it's just too soon. (A), It's been several months now, Lemont, and ... (B), "Stargate Universe" getting canceled isn't that big a deal. But this one was especially hard ... 'cause I thought it was going so well in the end. Maybe it was me. Maybe I didn't watch enough. No, Lemont, wait ... wait, yes ... oh ... Go get a girlfriend.
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-27 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-27 Pub. Date: 2010-12-27
Image Number: 55682
Caption: Your honor, I'd like to ask for a continuance. For what reason? There's a "Doctor Who" Marathon on SYFY, so now's my chance to find out if the doctor fixed the crack in the universe. It was swallowing up the whole space-time continuum. Also, I need a new lawyer, 'cause mine vanished without a trace. Mr. Brown ... you probably should've led with the bigger reason. What could be bigger than the universe's crack?
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-14 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-14 Pub. Date: 2010-11-14
Image Number: 53962
Caption: 1982. You see WHAT when you look at that cloud, Lemont? I see a star. Clouds are floating water. Water is two hydrogen atoms bonded to one oxygen atom. Hydrogen was the first molecule formed after the Big Bang, and it lived in the hearts of primordial stars. Those stars went supernova, and blew hydrogen and molecules and elements across the universe. Those elements coalesced to form everything in our solar system, including you, and me and the clouds. Even boogers? When I see a booger, I see a star.
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-05-23 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-05-23 Pub. Date: 2010-05-23
Image Number: 47477
Caption: Things were going so well with Kelly. We started off texting. But we grew so close that we couldn't bear to be apart. I drove 400 miles up north to see her. It was magical, like she and I were the only people in the whole universe. So I drove back up the next month. She was busy but I got to see her for a couple of hours. We were so deeply in love! Did she ever drive down to see you? Um ... why do you ask? Fascinating. So I drove up a third time ...
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-06 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-06 Pub. Date: 2010-02-06
Image Number: 43633
Caption: One second after the big bang, the universe had expanded … … And had already created the building blocks of the stars. Yet it takes me five minutes to make a tuna sandwich. Dios mio, Lemont. Let's face it: I'm a slacker, Susan.
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-24 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-24 Pub. Date: 2010-01-24
Image Number: 43152
Caption: What do you want to watch? I don't know. What do you want to watch? "Fringe." I ain't watching no sci fi nonsense. Not when "Real Housewives of Comptom" on. I got the third choose, so I win. Do-over. I can't go against the sacred rule of threes. I asked, you declined to choose. Then it was up to me. If you want the rule to work for you, next time have the foresight to ask first. Wonder if this's the week Peter finds out he's from an alternate universe. One where I don't kick you @*$%?
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-01 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-01 Pub. Date: 2010-01-01
Image Number: 42486
Caption: My shrink says this is all just a figment of my imagination. Mexico, the wolves, the demons … You … He's right, senor. Say what? Everything you and I know is a figment of our imagination. The true universe is a chaotic jumble of quarks, protons and electrons, funneled through our senses into our brains, where our imagination orders it all into the touch of a loved one, the buzz of a bee ... You're pretty deep for a hobo. ... The words of a jerk.
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-26 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-26 Pub. Date: 2009-10-26
Image Number: 40264
Caption: Thanks for coming. Who you is? Why you in Susan's house? I'm Lemont at age 93, come back through time with a warning. Uh-uh, that @$#% ain't possible. Time travel is indeed possible, Clyde. In 2072, scientists found that dreams were really physically traversable space-time conduits to parallel universes. Other dimensions and other times. Tsk, anyone can speak nerd. let's see if you can loan me two dollars the way he do. All I have are Euros.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-06-19 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-06-19 Pub. Date: 2009-06-19
Image Number: 35248
Caption: Lemont Brown's Credo Page 1. This, I believe: alternate universes exist. So there are tons of alternate Lemonts who manage to pay their bills on time. Therefore, on a quantum level I am financially responsible.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-08 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-08 Pub. Date: 2009-05-08
Image Number: 32174
Caption: In an alternate universe, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. But for some reason, instead of allowing them to be punished, President Obama PARDONS all Japanese and Nazi war criminals. …So then at Nuremberg when the top Nazis said "We were just following orders," that made a lot of sense to me. You can't really punish folks for torturing prisoners when they were just following orders. ...I mean, what were they SUPPOSED to do? Not follow them. Well... yeah... there's THAT.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-07 universe 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-07 Pub. Date: 2009-05-07
Image Number: 32173
Caption: In an alternate reality, the events of 1948 happen instead of 2009. Sorry, boss, I can't possibly read this depressing news in an excited tone. I'd feel like a heel. Yer a good man, Brown. You got principles. But what the people want is excitement, see? I don't know, boss. I got another story for ya to read, then. The headline: "Miracle Cure for Principles Found! It's Called Getting Fired!" President Obama says "It's better not to point fingers" and pardons the Japanese war criminals who tortured our boys! Now that takes moxie!
     
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