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Candorville

Comics about squeezes and squeezing.

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Result page:     (10 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-22 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-22 Pub. Date: 2019-09-22
Image Number: 179497
Caption: Coffee. Black. That'll be $48.95. What? But only because we're having a Bulgarian Independence Day special. How's $48.95 a special? It's a steal, considering the costs. I use only the finest black cephalopod ink, hand-squeezed by Gunther, the Albanian squid-wrangler. They have squids in Albania? And then there's the coffee cup. Special cup, coated with the blackest material on earth: Vantablack, stolen -- I mean sourced from UK-based Surrey Nanosystems. This might actually be worth the $48.95. The coffee brown, on the other hand, is only 85 cents.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-01 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-01 Pub. Date: 2019-09-01
Image Number: 179190
Caption: I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal You're the disease, and I'm the cure. Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said Consider that a divorce. Or like in They live, when just before he killed a bunch of evil aliens, Rowdy Roddy Piper said "I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick (butt) ... and I'm al out of bubblegum. Your task tonight is to generate six one-liners I can use whenever I squeeze unpaid work out of my employees. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. You're the rest, and I'm the bed. The kind with spikes on it ... See? That's awful. Fix that up and give me sixe more.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-17 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-17 Pub. Date: 2017-03-17
Image Number: 155656
Caption: I should be unhappy. Dr. Noodle. Yesterday, I stubbed my toe. My website went down. I got mugged. A man laughed at me when I asked for help. But at night when I tucked my boy in, he squeezed my nose and said "I love you daddy." All of a sudden I was happier than I've ever been in my life. If your happiness depends on that, I'm going to clean up when he's a teenager.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-03 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-03 Pub. Date: 2016-12-03
Image Number: 151555
Caption: Dear Telemarketer, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Are you happy with your current chair? Or does sitting in it hour after hour make your lower back sore? Do you feel the pain slowly spreading up your spine and spread out like calloused fingers gripping and squeezing your ribs? Why don't you think about that for a few hours after you hear the beep. Beep.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-10 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-10 Pub. Date: 2016-10-10
Image Number: 149609
Caption: So, why're you going to Vancouver? What was that? Can't … breathe … Well … I'm going 'cause it's the one city I've never worked out in.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-13 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-13 Pub. Date: 2015-03-13
Image Number: 123672
Caption: I should be unhappy. Dr. Noodle. Yesterday, I stubbed my toe. My website went down. I got mugged. A woman laughed at me when I asked her out. M.A. But at night when I tucked my boy in, he squeezed my nose and said "I love you daddy." All of a sudden I was happier than I've ever been in my life. If your happiness depends on that, I'm going to clean up when he's a teenager.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-22 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-22 Pub. Date: 2014-09-22
Image Number: 116761
Caption: Zombiac … Truman speaking. Hi, Truman, it's Lemont Brown. I was in a couple years ago. I brought you a new iMac and asked you to take out its guts and squeeze them into my beautiful old 2004 iMac's chassis. Well it just died, Truman. If I bring it in, you will fix it free of charge, right? Sir, do you still have a copy of the warranty I gave you? I thought I did, but I just have a paper with "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" written over and over in tiny print. No, that's the one.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-21 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-21 Pub. Date: 2012-01-21
Image Number: 43151
Caption: Dear telemarketer, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. Are you happy with your current chair? Or does sitting in it hour after hour make your lower back sore? Do you feel the pain slowly spreading up your spine and spread out like calloused fingers gripping and squeezing your ribs? Why don't you think about that for a few hours after you hear the beep. Beep. (Originally published on 2010-01-23.)
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-27 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-27 Pub. Date: 2010-01-27
Image Number: 43363
Caption: Sunnyville Sanitarium. As long as he keeps taking his antipsychotic drugs, he'll have no more delusions about vampires, demons and Mexico. Unfortunately, one side effect is massive weight gain. Oh no! Lem-lem's already fat enough! As it is, I don't know how I'll ever squeeze his blubber into the wedding tux Daddy bought him! I can hear you, you know. Many people have abnormally large buttocks.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-06-09 squeeze 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-06-09 Pub. Date: 2008-06-09
Image Number: 24088
Caption: Hold him tighter. He's slipping. He's not slipping. Don't squeeze him. I'm not squeezing him. Look him in the eye, so he knows he's loved. I'm doing that. Don't stare at him, he'll get self-conscious. Oh…give him to me. Fine. …(sigh) how come you never want to hold your own son?
     
Result page:     (10 images)