| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-24 |
| Image Number: |
179098 |
| Caption: |
Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-08-24) |
Image #179098 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-08 |
| Image Number: |
177530 |
| Caption: |
So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-05-08) |
Image #177530 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-05-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-05-28 |
| Image Number: |
171945 |
| Caption: |
Would you be disappointed in me if I agreed to create an ad campaign for the NRA? Of course not. In fact, I have an idea. Why don't you do an ad about how the NRA saved us all from smart gun technology that would've made sure only authorized users could fire a gun. I mean, that tech alone would've prevented most school shooting. Thank got the NRA put a stop to that. I really hate sarcasm Mondays. We really dodged the dodge-a-bullet bullet thanks to them.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2018-05-28) |
Image #171945 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-05-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-05-24 |
| Image Number: |
171761 |
| Caption: |
You know what I like best about being a dad? When my little boy curls up in my lap and falls asleep. I hold him tight and know he feels war and safe, and I feel like I can protect him from anything. Even from time. Because as long as he lives, he'll be able to close his eyes and remember this feeling and be two years old again ... hopefully without the wetting himself part. It's important to know when you stop talking.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2018-05-24) |
Image #171761 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-03-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-03-29 |
| Image Number: |
169888 |
| Caption: |
A bridge collapsed in Florida, killing the poor people who were underneath it. It was built with a technique called Accelerated Bridge Construction. Shouldn't they have know, just from the name, that that technique shouldn't actually be a thing? It's like Accelerated Gun Safety Class. Or Accelerated Lion-Taming. Some things just shouldn't be. People are dying because of accelerated impatience.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2018-03-29) |
Image #169888 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-02-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-02-04 |
| Image Number: |
167354 |
| Caption: |
More than 170 million of us might have radium in our tap water, Clyde. Radium. Do you have any idea what this means? What it mean, Big L? Canada or Bust! It means we may be drinking radioactive water. It could cause all sorts of things: anemia, bone cancer, cataracts, fractured teeth, death ... invisibility, super speed, wings, teleportation, mind-reading, laser eyes, crime-fighting, and a spandex-and-cape fetish. I'm just trying to look on the bright side of living in a country where the White House keeps nominating a person who's known for falsifying data to get around water safety regulations to be head of the White House Council of Environmental Quality. I don't drink nothin' but Pepsi, bruh, so I don't care 'bout none of this. I'm gonna have to start working out if I have to wear spandex.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2018-02-04) |
Image #167354 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-10-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-10-05 |
| Image Number: |
149308 |
| Caption: |
Dick, a friend of mine is sitting in a plane that's been stranded on the runway for six hours. We handle all the TSA's advertising. I know they don't have authority over that, but … say no more, Ms. Garcia. You want me to call them … and get your friend released from that plane by any means necessary. No, never mind. I'll call them myself. I'll tell them of his extensive travels in Syria. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2016-10-05) |
Image #149308 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-12-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-12-11 |
| Image Number: |
136223 |
| Caption: |
I love being inside when it's freezing outside. It makes me feel six years old again, Clyde. It's the same feeling I'd get when I built a fort out of couch cushions. What the -- ? Another stereotype bites the dust. You a grown man, dawg. A real man isn't afraid to be six years old. A real "real man" ain't afraid to put a six-year-old on timeout. Go sit in the corner. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2015-12-11) |
Image #136223 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-05-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-05-20 |
| Image Number: |
127173 |
| Caption: |
I keep thinking about those people who died or got hurt when that train derailed. Dr. Noodle. It's 2015. I'm ok with not having flying cars, or jetpacks, or moving sidewalks. M.A. But we should at least have trains and tracks that can't toss us off to our deaths now. The older I get, the less I expect. That's perfectly normal, Lemont. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2015-05-20) |
Image #127173 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2015-04-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2015-04-24 |
| Image Number: |
125858 |
| Caption: |
Remember how when we were kids, we'd be out playing for hours, by ourselves? Remember that construction site across the street? I used to hide behind mounds of dirt and pretend I was Luke Skywalker hiding from Sandpeople. I used to climb on the bulldozer and pretend it was an Imperial Walker. I still think you should let your little boy have a little more freedom. And let him get crushed by bulldozers? Are you insane? |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2015-04-24) |
Image #125858 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-09-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-09-07 |
| Image Number: |
115372 |
| Caption: |
I taught Lionel how to call 911. WHAT?! What that little two-year-old boy ever done to you, Big L? Huh? Cops be outta control, bruh. If there a emergency an' he call 911, there a 50/50 chance the police'll help … an' a 50/50 chance they gonna knock down the door without a warrant, toss in a flashbang grenade, an' pepper spray your toddler before draggin' his dad out in the hallway half naked. What is you thinkin' Big L? He's be better off if you teach him to call Domino's. Well, they would probably get there faster. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2014-09-07) |
Image #115372 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-07-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-07-24 |
| Image Number: |
114099 |
| Caption: |
We're being overrun by illegals. You're gonna have to narrow that down. Do you mean jaywalkers? Embezzlers? Contractors who ignore environmental regulations? Bosses who ignore workplace safety laws? People who don’t pick up after their dogs? People who cheat on their taxes? People who speed? People who litter? People who sing copyrighted songs like "Happy Birthday" in public without paying royalties? There are an awful lot of "illegals" out there. I think you know what I mean. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2014-07-24) |
Image #114099 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-05-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-05-29 |
| Image Number: |
111792 |
| Caption: |
Thanks for walking me home, Clyde. No problem. The streets a very different place for women than they is for men. Least I could do is walk you home and' accept the $2 walk-home fee you agreed to. I thought you were joking. Psht! Write that on your electric bill an' see what they say. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2014-05-29) |
Image #111792 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2014-01-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2014-01-15 |
| Image Number: |
106173 |
| Caption: |
Thanks for letting my son and me stay here for a while, Clyde. It's just too cold out there to make it home. It's so warm in here. It's almost like you have ten heaters going. I admit nothing. What did you do? Anything people put on the outside of they windows is free. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2014-01-15) |
Image #106173 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-09-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-09-05 |
| Image Number: |
101090 |
| Caption: |
Anything interesting going on with the labor unions? The what? The unions. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Mainstream Media. Union Carbide is a subsidiary of DOW Chemical. Guess what their stock price is today? No, I mean what's going on with worker safety, wages, etc. I'm not familiar with that corporation. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2013-09-05) |
Image #101090 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-07-26 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-07-26 |
| Image Number: |
99563 |
| Caption: |
Didn’t you say we had to get going, Tyrone? That was then, Rosencrantz. In the intervening moments, inertia has set in. Idleness. Sloth. Lethargy. Torpidity. Can you feel it, Rosencrantz? The dull comfort of lethargy, draped over us … Soft and fluffy like a child's blanky. We'll get going tomorrow, I'm sure. Read me a story, Rosencrantz. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2013-07-26) |
Image #99563 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2013-06-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2013-06-07 |
| Image Number: |
97642 |
| Caption: |
What's that? A light timer. It'll make my lamp turn on randomly all night. … That way, burglars will think I'm home. I also got a "Barking Fido" motion sensor, so they'll think I have a huge dog. And I also got a blinking light that makes it look like someone's watching TV. Maybe it's time to think about moving. You can't really trust movers. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2013-06-07) |
Image #97642 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-07-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-07-08 |
| Image Number: |
82262 |
| Caption: |
Have you noticed all those commercials about people who pee too much? Yeah. That doesn’t seem like a good sign to me. When a whole country can't hold its bowels, something's wrong. Now I know what you're going to say … You do? It's the bladder that controls that. But now's not the time to nitpick; Not when we're sucking down fake sugar drinks and "chicken nuggets" that for all we know are made of ground-up grizzly bear toenails. Next time I say "Why so quiet?" just say "No reason." There's a reason the whole continent's incontinent. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2012-07-08) |
Image #82262 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-04-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-04-24 |
| Image Number: |
79771 |
| Caption: |
Lemont interviews a Secret Service agent about the sex scandal. I guess my first question would be … Butt-naked girls! … If you're not even sharp enough to do depraved things without getting caught … Why should we think you're sharp enough to guard the president? Nonsense. For all you know, there were plenty of times we didn't get caught. |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2012-04-24) |
Image #79771 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2012-02-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2012-02-05 |
| Image Number: |
75448 |
| Caption: |
I'm thinking of coming out, Susan. I've been keeping it a secret since … Forever. I guess I've been ashamed. But that's selfish of me. To spare myself the social stigma, I've been living a lie. But that just reinforces the idea that it's wrong for people like me to be how we are. It's important for each of us to speak up, to say who we are, because there's safety in numbers. When people realize they know one of us ... ... Then all of a sudden we don't seem so weird or scary or ... wrong. After all these years ... It's time for me to admit I thought Star Trek: Voyager was a great show. Dios Mio, nobody cares about Star Track. TREK! |
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2012-02-05) |
Image #75448 |
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