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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-06 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-06 Pub. Date: 2019-09-06
Image Number: 179298
Caption: I had a horrible day, bruh. 'Member how you gave a speech at a high school the other day? 'Member how you threw up on them kids? I been tryna sell bootleg DVDs of it the past couple of days. Ain't nobody buyin'. E'ry last one of them kids had recorded it an' already posted it to Instagram ... for free! I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Internet be lettin' amateurs run us professionals out of business.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-19 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-19 Pub. Date: 2019-08-19
Image Number: 179093
Caption: Hi Mrs. Cass. It's Lemont Brown, your pupil from Baldwin kindergarten class of 1980. I'm writing my memoir, and I'm hoping you can check your records and confirm that I'm remembering an incident from back then correctly. That time I led the class in a rebellion against naptime ... Do your files show that I shouted You have nothing to lose but your blankies? Oh, you don't? ... So I guess you were lying when you said it would go down on my permanent record ... Yes ma'am, I have been waiting 40 years to do that.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-24 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-24 Pub. Date: 2019-01-24
Image Number: 175943
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I don't know what's happened to journalism? All the mainstream journalists went after me on Twitter. I wrote and article dissecting the voting records and the past actions of the people who CNN tells us are the Democratic frontrunners for the 2020 presidential nomination. How could you, Lemont! Now's not the time for that sort of thing. They accused me of being divisive ... and Russian.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-13 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-13 Pub. Date: 2018-12-13
Image Number: 175378
Caption: Come on … You can't blame me for losing the Nat King Cole lawsuit. You're the one who sampled his voice without permission for your album. You're the on who begged me to pretend I was a voice actor you'd hired to impersonate Nat King Cole. It wasn't my idea! I tried to lip sync to that testimony you recorded for me using his voice. I really tried! When you lip sync, ain't no sound s'posed to come out your mouth, fool. You ain't s'posed to harmonize with the recording. I got nervous.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-12 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-12 Pub. Date: 2018-12-12
Image Number: 175377
Caption: Member how I watch your boy for you? Well, I need a favor too right quick. You want me to watch your pet pigeon? Nah, bruh … I want you to testify that you a voice actor I hired to sound like Nat King Cole, 'cause Nat King Cole people suing me for sampling him in my album. I'll watch your pigeon. All you gotta do is up sync to the testimony I recorded for you usin' Nat King Cole voice.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-07 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-07 Pub. Date: 2018-05-07
Image Number: 171289
Caption: How do we know we're the first advanced civilization to ever walk the earth? We think fossil records teach us all we need to know about the history of life on earth. But the only creatures to get fossilized were the ones dumb enough to get stuck in the mud. If there was a civilization smart enough to say Hey, don't lie down in that muck pit, you idiot, we'd never even know they existed. If they were so smart, how come they all disappeared? Maybe they saw us coming.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-06 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-06 Pub. Date: 2018-04-06
Image Number: 170152
Caption: Don't tell nobody, bruh, but I just recorded a song with Hall & Otis. Hall & Oates! Really?! Maneater was one of my favorite songs when I was a kid! What that have to do with anything? That was Hall & Oates' biggest hit. Nah, bruh … Hall & Otis' biggest hit was I Got Yo Stuff, @#$%. Yeh, when they was in prison for that beatdown they gave Ice Cube.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-18 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 167988
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre came along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiter exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year - wait, this whole thing is confidential, right?
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-26 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-26 Pub. Date: 2017-10-26
Image Number: 164150
Caption: Dear Lemont Brown, This is an attempt to collect a debt … for something you don't remember having bought. And even if you do remember, you bought it so long ago that odds are you haven't kept any records proving you already paid for it. Sign here and include a check to admit defeat and make this all go away. Lemont Brown.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-26 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-26 Pub. Date: 2017-04-26
Image Number: 157286
Caption: Tell me again why you ain't gone to the doctor 'bout your heart, Big L? I lost my health insurance. I've saved all my life for a down payment on a house, so I'll have something to leave to my son. If I go to the hospital, I'll probably lose it all and he'll inherit nothing. But I have life insurance, so if I die, he'll inherit my savings and $2 million. This country be messed up, bruh. I've recorded 18 years' worth of advice and dad-jokes for him.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-20 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-20 Pub. Date: 2016-12-20
Image Number: 152370
Caption: You still haven't told me what was so great about your trip to visit your girl "Vancouver." She and I are both writers. So … we told each other stories. She was fascinated by my life. That's beautiful. And I was by hers. She was an enthralling book and I was savoring every word. With your track record, she was probably fiction. I must be really into her, because I even loved all the typos.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-04 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-04 Pub. Date: 2016-12-04
Image Number: 151096
Caption: The other day, somebody in a red Trump hat actually to me to "Go back where you came from, n*****." I'm not surprised. That's been happening a lot. Trump's election encouraged white supremacists everywhere to come out of the shadows. They think it's their day again. Well this ain't Selma, an' I ain't Martin Luther the King. That fool found that out right quick, bruh. This ain't 1965. This here 2016. Fools better know "n*****s" be armed now. Oh god, Clyde! What did you do?! What did you do?! You had a gun?! No, I had an iPhone. I recorded the whole thing. Put it on Youtube. In just two hours, that fool got fired. Oh. Maybe we should all be packing iPhones for the next four years.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-02 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-02 Pub. Date: 2016-12-02
Image Number: 151554
Caption: What're you doing? Just setting up. Dr. Noodle. I'm livecasting a reaction video to my therapy. It's streaming on Facebook Live and Youtube right now. Well? What're you waiting for? I think I can dispense with asking "Why have you come to therapy." Make sure you skip all the boring questions, I don't want to lose viewers.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-01 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-01 Pub. Date: 2016-10-01
Image Number: 149030
Caption: I have never in my life - not once - set any sort of record in any way, for anything. That's quite a record.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-15 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-15 Pub. Date: 2016-05-15
Image Number: 142782
Caption: I ever tell you 'bout that time I recorded a song with Prince? You never recorded a song with Prince, Clyde. Yeh I did, bruh. In fact it was the very first song I ever recorded. I was freestylin', makin' up lyrics as I went along, when all of a sudden outta nowhere, I heard Prince voice comin' from behind me. It was comin' from my momma radio. I climbed up onto her dresser an' pressed "record" on her tape recorder, an' I sang along with him. Then momma took me to preschool. I'm not sure that counts, Clyde. Yeh it do, bruh.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-10 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-10 Pub. Date: 2016-05-10
Image Number: 143022
Caption: Do you ever stop to think about how videos of you are all over the place? Huh? People are always filming things with their phones. You know how many times you've probably appeared as an extra in someone else's phone movie? You still can't star in that commercial I'm casting. But I have a pretty extensive resume. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-25).
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-09 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-09 Pub. Date: 2016-05-09
Image Number: 143021
Caption: Do you remember the very first time YOU got mad at someone? I don’t. It's one of those millions of "firsts" that are lost to time. Do you realize that everyone carrying around iPhones and Androids at all times has changed that, for the first time in human history? Whatever. I still don't think your son will ever appreciate your keeping a video of you accidentally dropping him in the toilet. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-24).
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-30 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-30 Pub. Date: 2016-04-30
Image Number: 142414
Caption: Why do I keep a journal of my son's firsts? Because they're precious moments. Why they "precious"? … Because they happen once and then they're gone forever, living only in a parent's memories. Is they still precious if they ALSO live on in your hard drive, the NSA files and Edward Snowman's briefcase? First time I've ever heard Clyde be so deep. Yeah. I wish I'd recorded that. You ain't never learnin'. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-02).
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-27 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-27 Pub. Date: 2016-04-27
Image Number: 142411
Caption: Is it weird that I've been keeping a journal of all my son's firsts? No. His first smile … His first act of defiance, the first time he said "agoo" … Is it weird that it's all annotated with photos, videos and audio recordings? No. Is it weird that I had him reenact the firsts I missed? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-31).
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-04 record 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-04 Pub. Date: 2016-03-04
Image Number: 139628
Caption: Don't tell nobody, bruh, but I just recorded a song with Hall & Otis. Hall & Oates?! Really?! "Maneater" was one of my favorite songs when I was a kid! What that have to do with anything? That was Hall & Oates' biggest hit. Nah, bruh … Hall & Otis' biggest hit was "I Got Yo Stuff, @#$%." Hall & Oates recorded a song called "I Got Yo Stuff, @#$%"? Yeh, when they was in prison for that beatdown they gave Ice Cube.
     
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