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Candorville

Comics about things that are perfect and perfecting.

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (45 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-15 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-15 Pub. Date: 2019-12-15
Image Number: 180764
Caption: I've decided to become a whistleblower. It's the latest thing. I'll report on how the boss called his coffee bean supplier in Ukraine and tried to extort them into announcing that out main competitor, Coffee King, is corrupt. He wanted them to lie and say Coffee King bought radioactive coffee beans from Chernobyl. My whistleblower report will be all over the news. It'll prompt an investigation. Naturally. At which point, the boss's cronies on the city council will deflect attention by demanding to know my identity. I'll finally be famous! So? Nobody would even know your name. That's perfect. We famous people value our privacy.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-06 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-06 Pub. Date: 2019-11-06
Image Number: 180253
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window and saw the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib- Lionel later told me he'd called anonymously, using the name Daniel Tiger, so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-09 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-09 Pub. Date: 2019-10-09
Image Number: 179806
Caption: I'm using reader feedback to perfect a book I'm writing called Lemont's Axioms of the Internet. Ooh. Tell me more. I posted my first axiom on my site and waited for the comments. What's the axiom? Lemont's first axiom: People who start a reply with actually almost always go on to write something that's utter nonsense. Actually, I think that's very observant of you, Lemont. 89 percent of my readers wrote exactly the same thing.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-09 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-09 Pub. Date: 2019-09-09
Image Number: 179394
Caption: Well, you seem to be in perfect health, Mr. Dogg. You sure, !@#$*? I got the blood rushin' 'round. I got the palpitations. I got the exact opposite of ennui an' disinterest, an' I ain't sure, !@#$*, but I think I lost my well-honed apathy 'bout the future. It sounds like you're just experiencing excitement. Gasp!
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-22 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-22 Pub. Date: 2019-05-22
Image Number: 177718
Caption: Did you read that new interview with Donald Trump? I did not. Well, it gave me a brilliant idea. I stayed up for a week perfecting it. It's a Trump Generator for interviews. You ask it questions, and it gives you answers that are completely nonsensical gibberish punctuated by words like tremendous. That's going to save the media a lot of time. It's at bigly-answers-for-stupid-fake-questions-dot-com.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-04 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-04 Pub. Date: 2018-09-04
Image Number: 173880
Caption: You might wanna get your hair checked, bruh. Your ask-frequency down 20% per year. That's a bad sight, Big L. My what? This year you asked me C-Dog, did you take my clippers? 5 times. By this time last year, you done asked 25 times. Guess how many times you asked the year before? Give. Me. Back. My. Clippers. Yo' hair growth be on a perfect negative-sloped linear Bezier curve, bruh. That @#$% serious.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-28 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-28 Pub. Date: 2018-03-28
Image Number: 169887
Caption: I started using the Amass Loot app to invest money. Say what? It's like Stash and Acorns. It automatically withdraws money form my checking account and buys stocks. Just one day after starting, I lost 48 cents. The app told me that meant it was the perfect time to invest even more. I could get you in on Big Oatmeal's craps game in the alley. I go just like that. How much does he charge per trade?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-24 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-24 Pub. Date: 2018-03-24
Image Number: 169631
Caption: So how was your week, Susan? So-so. I brought in a huge client. And then we lost a different one. I met a great guy. And the next morning I met his girlfriend. I found a perfect parking spot. And then I got a parking ticket. I finally had time to read a novel I'd been dying to read. But it turned out to be horrible. Forget I asked. Someone finally asked me how my week went, but ...
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-10 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-10 Pub. Date: 2018-03-10
Image Number: 169168
Caption: … so he tried to sneak out a note that said please help me, but I caught him. Excuse me … I couldn't help but overhear. A note can't say anything. As awkward as it may sound, the correct word isn't said, it's read. What would you like your tombstones to read? Perfect!
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-03-09 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-03-09 Pub. Date: 2018-03-09
Image Number: 169167
Caption: So did you go get a doctor to check out that thing on your thingamajig? Sort of. I uploaded a photo of the thing to Google image search, so I could figure it out on my own. It's either a pimple, a cyst, or a Martian volcano. The technology isn't perfect, but it saved me a trip to the hospital. Dios mio ... you're going to die.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-22 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-22 Pub. Date: 2017-12-22
Image Number: 166287
Caption: Doc, I've been coming here for years. I feel pretty happy. I'm thinking maybe I don't need therapy anymore. That makes perfect sense. It's like when you look in the mirror and see you've finally got bright, shiny teeth. There must be no need to keep brushing them if they're no longer decrepit and begrimed. Brains and teeth are two completely different things. Really? Let's chew on that thought for a moment ...
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-20 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-20 Pub. Date: 2017-09-20
Image Number: 162850
Caption: All children go through a crisis when they first realize their parents aren't perfect. Tell me about it. Dr. Noodle. After Lionel calmed down, I convinced him I wasn't purposely trying to kill the neighbor by selling him a microwave that might cause cancer ... or at least I thought I did. That night, flashing lights and a siren woke me from a deep slumber. I looked out the window ad say the police and the coroner were at the neighbor's apartment. It's a good idea to hide the phone for the duration of the crisis. Scribble scrib - Lionel later told be he'd called anonymously, using the name "Daniel Tiger," so I wouldn't get locked up. He's so smart.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-23 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-23 Pub. Date: 2017-03-23
Image Number: 155916
Caption: Whachoo gon' move to Canada for, bruh? So what you got some perfect girl up there. That ain't gonna last. Either she gonna get tired of you, or you gonna get tired of her. Or the magic gonna wear off an' you'll find out she ain't "perfect" noway. Only way to keep a perfect relationship perfect is to end it while it still be perfect. That's why your life full of failure, an' my life be full of perfection. Stop making nonsense seem like sense!
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-21 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-21 Pub. Date: 2017-01-21
Image Number: 153409
Caption: So you went to Canada and spent time with the perfect woman. I got one question … What the !@#% are you doing here? Excuse me? Any man with some #@%$ sense woulda found an apartment, had his son Fedexed to him, an' stayed his behind in Canada. You can't just "stay" in another country. There are rules. Gimme her number, I'll move to Canada.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-15 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-15 Pub. Date: 2016-12-15
Image Number: 152113
Caption: Maybe I should just go back to America and forget about "Vancouver." If I cross this street, walk up that hill, and knock on her door … I'll ruin it for both of us. In-person romance is way different from Facebook. In person, you can't delete or edit your comments before hitting "send." You can't send perfect photos with perfect lighting and perfect angles. I would say "Stop being a punk #@$%," but we don't cuss in Canada.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-10 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151818
Caption: Four years ago … I've been coming here for years now, and I have yet to be matched up with the perfect woman. My needs aren't too crazy: I want a woman who's into politics, Star Trek, comics, Aboriginal art, and long walks on the beach. And I want her to be brilliant. Prayers aren't supposed to be specific. I'm not saying she also has to be hot, but I wouldn't object to that.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-21 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-21 Pub. Date: 2016-08-21
Image Number: 146823
Caption: No, momma, I didn't see that post on "The Newsfeed." Remember, momma, I told you everyone sees a different newsfeed tailored just for them. It's based on what we search for online, what we type, etc … Ok, watch … load Facebook. "Load" means … never mind ... turn on the Facebook. Ok, now tell me what's on your screen. Uh-huh ... Uh-huh ... See? That's the perfect example, momma ... I don't see a single post about Idris Elba's booty on MY newsfeed. And I'd like to stop talking about this now.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-04 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-04 Pub. Date: 2016-06-04
Image Number: 143923
Caption: Have fun, Sherry! When you're done, take the chainsaw back here to me. Pardon me … couldn’t help but overhear … What you really meant to say was "bring," not "take." "Take" would only be appropriate if you were NOT going to be here when she got back. I will bring you great pain and suffering. Perfect! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-26).
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-19 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-19 Pub. Date: 2015-12-19
Image Number: 136535
Caption: … So he tried to sneak out a note that said "Please help me," but I caught him. Excuse me … I couldn't help but overhear. A note can't "say" anything. As awkward as it may sound, the correct word isn't "said," it's "read." What would you like your tombstone to read? Perfect!
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-18 perfect 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-18 Pub. Date: 2015-12-18
Image Number: 136534
Caption: So did you go get a doctor to check out that thing on your thingamajig? Sort of. I uploaded a photo of the thing to Google image search, so I could figure it out on my own. It's either a pimple, a cyst, or a Martian volcano. The technology isn't perfect, but it saved me a trip to the hospital. Dios mio ... you're going to die.
     
Result page:    2  3  Next  (45 images)