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Candorville

Comics about parents.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-06 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-06 Pub. Date: 2019-04-06
Image Number: 177047
Caption: My baby boys' really into trains. So I bought a train bed, hand-painted in the colors of his favorite steam train. I ordered a handmade train quilt for it and got him train conductor pajamas. By the time it all arrived, he was really into monster trucks. So I sent it all back and ordered a bunch of airplane stuff. Wait - you did what? I'm getting ahead of the curve. He's not going to fool me again.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-30 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-30 Pub. Date: 2019-03-30
Image Number: 176944
Caption: What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a man ordering coffee before? Best. Dad. Ever. I'll also have a raspberry muffin. What? Reason #7 not to have kids.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-29 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-29 Pub. Date: 2019-03-29
Image Number: 176943
Caption: My boy asked me to sing him some nursery rhymes last night. So I sang him Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Mary had a Little Lamb. Then he demanded more, but I just … blanked. I suddenly couldn't remember any. So I sang him Purple Rain to the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb. You ain't never been good under pressure, dawg. Then he asked me what weekend lover meant, so I had to pretend I'd fallen asleep.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-08 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-08 Pub. Date: 2019-03-08
Image Number: 176628
Caption: Daddy, what is six twafficking? Uh … What? Where'd you hear that? You were on the phone talking about six twafficking in Flowida. Oh. Well, you know that you're not supposed to listen to Daddy's door when he's being a journalist. So what's it mean? … It means there are six kings in charge of traffic. Oh.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-06 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-06 Pub. Date: 2019-03-06
Image Number: 176626
Caption: Son, Daddy has an important interview tomorrow. I need you to stop jumping. Ok. What do you mean ok? You're still jumping. I did stop jumping. What you see happening wight now is cawwed bouncing. And you let him get away with that? It's important to encourage any skills that could lead to being a lawyer.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-02 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-02 Pub. Date: 2019-03-02
Image Number: 176502
Caption: What I believe. Part 480. My child is me. His body came first from me. His thoughts began as a reaction to me and to the world as I introduced it to him. When he judges me, I'm being judged but the most honest, innocent part of myself … So maybe my butt really IS getting big.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-01 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-01 Pub. Date: 2019-03-01
Image Number: 176501
Caption: Whachoomean you want me to bring kale burgers to the barbecue?! I promised my son I wouldn't eat cows anymore. He said it's not right to eat anything with parents. Tell him it's ok, 'cause Uncle Clyde ate that cow' parents yesterday. Sigh … I'll get the kale.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-28 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-28 Pub. Date: 2019-02-28
Image Number: 176500
Caption: Is your boy still worried red meat will kill you? No. Apparently I changed the subject. He asked me Daddy, what is red meat? So I said Usually it's a cow. He said A cowy? Why do you want to eat a cowy? A cowy doesn't want you to eat her! So instead of worrying that meat will kill me, now he's worrying that I'm going to eat all the animals. This is why I only eat with grownups. He tore up our zoo pass.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-27 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-27 Pub. Date: 2019-02-27
Image Number: 176499
Caption: We had burglars last night. Little Lionel asked Why do you eat red meat all the time, daddy? I replied. I don't eat it all the time, son. And he said Oh … Why not? I replied Because that'd be bad for me. Why? he asked. So I said Too much causes high cholesterol and increases my risk of heart disease, diabetes, and maybe even cancer. Dios mio, Lemont. Once he stopped sobbing, he tried to dig the burger out of my mouth.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-26 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-26 Pub. Date: 2019-02-26
Image Number: 176498
Caption: My baby boy asked me what I was eating. So I told him short ribs. He asked What are short ribs? So I said red meat. He asked Why is it red meat when it's brown? So I said Because when you cook red meat, it undergoes a chemical reaction that browns it. It's called the Maillard Reaction. So he said Why does a duck help you cook your meat? My theory is that children are just messing with us. So I said Maillard not Mallard.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-16 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-16 Pub. Date: 2019-02-16
Image Number: 176286
Caption: One of my readers got really upset when I pointed out Aristotle's many mistakes. She said Aristotle may have been wrong about everything … but he created the scientific method that other people used to prove he was wrong about everything. Fair point. So what did you say? What else could I say? I said It's 3 a.m. Momma, please stop calling me about this. I think your phone is ringing.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-24 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-24 Pub. Date: 2018-12-24
Image Number: 175584
Caption: Hey mister, is Santa Claus real? Sorry, kid … I'm not supposed to talk about it. It's a rule. I'm supposed to tell you you have to ask your parents. It's rule 547,983 in the handbook they give you when you become a grownup. But YOU would know better than them. I know an elf when I see one. Santa Claus is a lie.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-20 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-20 Pub. Date: 2018-12-20
Image Number: 175482
Caption: What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-04)
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-10 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-10 Pub. Date: 2018-12-10
Image Number: 175375
Caption: Hey! What time's the bus come? Excuse me. You're supposed to say excuse me, not hey. Didn't your parents ever teach you that? Excuse-me-not-hey, what time's the bus come? Are you being smart with me? No. I'm apparently being smart all by myself.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-30 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-30 Pub. Date: 2018-11-30
Image Number: 175158
Caption: What brings you to therapy today, Lemont? Ever since I had what most certainly was not a heart attack … I've realized I'm going to die one day. I'm worried about what that'll do to my son. M.A. I see. There comes a time when every person becomes aware of his or her own mortality. The key is to make sure you've prepared your son to pay your final therapy bill. What's the other key?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-04 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-04 Pub. Date: 2018-11-04
Image Number: 174599
Caption: You can barely see any stars now, son. But when I was your age, I knew old people who say a sky full of stars when they were your age. No way.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-01 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-01 Pub. Date: 2018-11-01
Image Number: 174718
Caption: I'll tell you one thing, Susan, this is not the country I thought it was. When we were kids, I thought all the bad, unfair, horrible things were all in the past. I thought Martin Luther King, Jr., the Beatles, Muhammad Ali and Mr. Rogers came along and made it all better. I want my son to have the same tragically wrong illusions. It makes for a happy childhood. I still don't think you should cryogenically freeze him and they him out when all the crazy stops. I'm just researching whether it's possible. I haven't decided.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-29 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-29 Pub. Date: 2018-10-29
Image Number: 174715
Caption: This is child protective services, how may we hinder you? Hi, I had my son strapped to my back while I was working. I was reporting on how early voting was going. We were on a bus with a bunch of elderly black people who were on their way to vote, and they were all ordered to get off. I interviewed county officials about why they did that. Explain to me how that's child endangerment! The child was in danger of losing faith in his system of government. Give me back my son!!
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-25 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-25 Pub. Date: 2018-10-25
Image Number: 174603
Caption: Momma, why can't you watch Lionel for me? It's only two weeks. I have an important story to go cover. What do you mean you don't have the energy? … Yes, yes I know you're not 22 anymore, but you … Yes, Yes I know you're not 23 anymore. But … Yes, I know you're not 24 -- Are we going to go through every number there is? ... No, I'm not saying you're that old. Hello? Are you still there?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-11 parent 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-11 Pub. Date: 2018-10-11
Image Number: 174390
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have to regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call Momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleaning. Just saying.
     
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