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Candorville

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Result page:    2  3  4  5  Next  (87 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-12 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-12 Pub. Date: 2019-08-12
Image Number: 178994
Caption: … So I replied What do you mean your charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those. And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness. Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-07 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-07 Pub. Date: 2019-06-07
Image Number: 177956
Caption: Hi, Momma. Yes, The Giving Tree book you send Lionel did just arrive. Well … we didn't call to thank you because it just got her 20 minutes ago. Well … Yes, actually, calling you in 19 minutes ago would have been too much trouble, because we were racing out to get to day care in time. Well ... yes, I do remember how long you were in labor. But I don't see what that ahs to do with -- well ...
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-07 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-07 Pub. Date: 2019-04-07
Image Number: 176834
Caption: I haven't taken a vacation in fifteen years. Wait a minute … didn't you say something about visiting Bermuda? Wasn't that just, like, a year ago? That was business. I was selling collectibles. And two years ago, didn't you say something about snorkeling off Noanoa Island? Newsweak. That was business. I was chipping off some of the last living pieced of our dying coral reefs, and selling them on the black market. If you can write it off, it's not a vacation. Didn't you just get back from Hawaii? That was business ...
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-04 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-04 Pub. Date: 2019-02-04
Image Number: 176170
Caption: I've seen an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes. What on earth are you talking about, little buddy? I watched more than 80 movies last night on Hulu, for free. Are you talking about trailers? When it shows the beginning, middle and end, it's a movie.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-31 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-31 Pub. Date: 2018-08-31
Image Number: 173792
Caption: Have you tried giving up coffee cold turkey? Once. It was December 25th, 1991. It had rained that morning and dew glistened on the flowers a passerby was carrying. A dog barked seven times. A distant siren wailed for 43 seconds. The ceiling light bulb flickered every 257.9 seconds for seven hours. I take it that day didn't go very well. My dog scratched itself for exactly 5 and a 1/2 minutes before falling asleep.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-29 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-29 Pub. Date: 2018-08-29
Image Number: 173790
Caption: Something was wrong with the refugee in the President's baby jail Hola? Minutes passed. He didn't answer any of my questions. Hours passed. I don't remember seeing him so much as blink. They'd injected him with psychotropic drugs to shut him up. Dio mio! I know. I'd been hoping he was just really, really shy.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-22 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-22 Pub. Date: 2018-07-22
Image Number: 172923
Caption: Dear "Critic," I read your article about how Star Trek gets its own impulse drive all wrong. You said that even though Star Trek SAYS it's not faster than light, it HAS to be, because of all the times they said they had to leave the star system before jumping to warp speed. Sigh ... not again ... Impulse drive is not faster than light!!! you're a two-dimensional thinker. Has it occurred to you they could leave a star system by flying UP, out of the ecliptic plane? Moron!!! Dear reader, light passing Jupiter would take 250 minutes to reach Neptune. But in the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, they start a conversation as they're passing Jupiter, end it ten seconds later as they're passing Neptune ... Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap t - ... at which point the captain says Have we left the Sol system? The navigator says yes, and the captain says Take us to warp ... I rest my case. I was wrong. I was wrong. Just once let someone restore my faith in humanity by just admitting they were wrong. Discovery isn't REAL Star Trek.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-03 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-03 Pub. Date: 2018-06-03
Image Number: 171757
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... Every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-24 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-24 Pub. Date: 2018-04-24
Image Number: 170820
Caption: Starbucks HQ. The CEO will me with you in five minutes, Mr. Brown. Good. Say, what do you think of your stores in Philly and LA calling cops and security on black guys who ask to use the john? I really can't say, sir. Why don't you wait in the lounge? We've got a vending machine with coffee. No, thanks. Say, where's your restroom? Whachoo in for, freshmeat? Will you stop calling me that.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-07 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-07 Pub. Date: 2018-02-07
Image Number: 168182
Caption: Have you ever lost time, Susan? Sure. Everyone zones out sometimes. Cool, cool. But hey, have you ever, like, dropped your kid off at preschool, gone home, sat on the couch, and then after what feels like just five minutes, your alarm goes off telling you six hours have passed and it's time to go pick him up already? That's the kind of lost time I'm talking about. Reason number 398 why I'll never have children. I'm pretty sure I was abducted by aliens yesterday, is what I'm saying.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-27 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-27 Pub. Date: 2017-12-27
Image Number: 166535
Caption: There was another police shooting caught on video. An unarmed guy in a hallway begging for his life. The cops were barking orders at him for minutes. The guy looked so scared and confused. I heard 'bout that. I went online an' some of the people be like "Why he didn't follow directions right? I'da shot him too." This the only country where people say you deserve to get shot 'cause you was confused. I asked "Why didn't they taze him" and people said I was "virtue-signaling."
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-03 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-03 Pub. Date: 2017-11-03
Image Number: 164419
Caption: You've been sighing a lot. What's wrong, Lemont? I reject that whole theory. A sigh isn't proof of a troubled mind. It's just a biological function. Every mammal on earth sighs. The average person sighs once every five minutes! Ipso facto, sighing five times every minute is pretty much the same thing. "Ipso facto" isn't really a thing.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-10 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-10 Pub. Date: 2017-08-10
Image Number: 161294
Caption: You remember the other day, when I said we're behind a lot of other countries in a lot of areas? Well, I wrote an article about that for Candorville.com. Within 15 minutes, I counted over 3,000 replies that included a variant of the phrase "If you don't like it here, go someplace else." So I did a little more research, and then posted an article about how we're far behind a lot of other countries in "going someplace else." ... That's when I found out we're number one in the amount of angry comments posted in all-caps. I been out of the state once. That was weird.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-08 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-08 Pub. Date: 2017-08-08
Image Number: 161292
Caption: Looks like the Affordable Care Act is here to stay. That's right … sucker. What? Everyone know the ACA was a Republican idea. We came up with it as an alternative to single-payer health care. We knew the only way to make the left embrace it was for the right to attack it. You hate us so much that if we attack it, you cling to it like it's your dear old momma. We even let it be "saved" at the last minute, just to seal your love affair with it. Yeah, right. Like this was all part of some "master plan." McCain hammed it up a little at the end, but it was a nice touch.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-31 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-31 Pub. Date: 2017-07-31
Image Number: 161030
Caption: Dick, I stepped out for two minutes to find a spoon, and when I returned, my chicken soup smelled a lot like Ex-Lax. The laxative. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. Anyway, if, for any reason, you're unable to give that big presentation today, I could totally step in for you. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. I didn't eat it. You look thirsty. Let me bring you some tea.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-05-29 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-05-29 Pub. Date: 2017-05-29
Image Number: 158600
Caption: Please store your personal electronics. Can we take them back out yet? No. How 'bout now? No. How 'bout now? No. Can't you people go twenty minutes without staring into your beeping rectangles? No!
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-12 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-12 Pub. Date: 2017-03-12
Image Number: 154859
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I think I'm done watching "The Flash." You know, the superhero who can run faster than a bullet. I just saw the episode where he has to fight someone who could teleport. But she could only teleport if she could see where she was going. After the Flash figured that out, he did all these things to limit her field of vision. He ran all around knocking out street lights, for instance. He did all sorts of things to make sure she couldn't see. All sorts of things ... except putting a bag over the villain's head. Well that would've been a pretty short episode. I'd rather have five minutes of brilliance than 45 minutes of not putting a bag over the villain's head.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-08 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-08 Pub. Date: 2017-02-08
Image Number: 154239
Caption: There's a new Star Track tv show coming. Want to come over and watch it with me once it's on the air? Wait … What? You hate Star Trek. What happened to "Lemont, all they do is stand around in their pajamas and talk for 45 minutes"? The other day, I told you the lady I'm seeing watches Star Trek with me over Skype. Does this have anything to do with that? Don't be silly. I've just developed a real appreciation for Star Track recently. "Trek."
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-30 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-30 Pub. Date: 2017-01-30
Image Number: 153971
Caption: This just in: President Trump has forbidden federal agencies from revealing information to the pub … Click … Toxic waste from an unknown source in neighboring Canardville may have leached into the Candorville reservoir, so do not … Click … May be an indication that the sun has exploded, but we won't detect it visually for another 8 minutes and 20 seconds. Click ... Gilligaaaan, the Skipper tooo ... the millionaire ... Mun mun mun -
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-19 minute 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-19 Pub. Date: 2016-08-19
Image Number: 147389
Caption: What do you think really happened at the end of "Suicide Squad," Clyde? I've watched it about five times now, and I'm still not sure. I thought it was weird that a dude held up some hand puppets an' narrated the last 20 minutes in Chinese. You need to stop watching bootlegs. An' why'd they film "Independence Day" upside down?
     
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