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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-10 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-10 Pub. Date: 2019-11-10
Image Number: 180284
Caption: My Uncle Elroy passed away. I have so many regrets. We were never all that close. But he was always there, for all my graduations, for all the family dinners, and to take me to ballgames. But the last three years, our relationship was … not good. We argued all the time about Donald Trump. Oh my. He fell for ever conspiracy theory. He'd send me link after link to dailynutjob.com, and I'd respond with links of my own to actual news, to scientific journals, etc. The last time we messaged each other, he accused me of being part of the Deep State, and I accused him of being gullible. I see. You regret that you wasted his last years on earth arguing about Donald Trump. I regret that Uncle Elroy's not here to see Donald Trump finally get impeached.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-24 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-24 Pub. Date: 2019-10-24
Image Number: 180023
Caption: Oh my God I went on the greatest date today! He took me to a rose garden. Um … Sasha … Tap tap tap t- Did you mistakenly send that to ME? Was if meant for someone else? Tap tap tap tap tap t- Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. No. For you. I hadn't planned on dating, but I figured it would be a good way to get to know your city, Sunshine. Have you ever heard of Yelp?! He and I aren't serious. Yet.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-23 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-23 Pub. Date: 2019-10-23
Image Number: 180022
Caption: I recommend Roscoe's Rib Shack on 47th, Burgerville on G Street, or PudgeBurger on Market. Oh, how I would love to eat there with YOU, Lemont. I'm free today, Sasha. Want to meet there for lunch? Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. I wish I could, Sunshine. I have some thing to do during the day. I am free tonight, though. You could come to my hotel room, like at around 2a.m. If you'd like to. I don't think PudgeBurger delivers at 2a.m. That's not ... Oh, never mind. Tap tap tap t-
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-22 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-22 Pub. Date: 2019-10-22
Image Number: 180021
Caption: Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? You haven't responded in a while. I know it's my fault. I never wanted to hurt you, Sunshine. But that's exactly why I went away for so many years. I loved you so much that I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My husband Webster blamed you for everything. He said you Put it in my head that he was abusive. I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My horrible divorce ... my custody battle ... Webster putting out a contract on your life ... Are you there? I ... understand why you don't want to respond. Sorry. had to take a potty break. Where were we? Do not scroll up. Tap tap tap t -
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-21 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-21 Pub. Date: 2019-10-21
Image Number: 180007
Caption: Hi Sunshine, I just wanted to let you know I'm all checked in at my hotel I'm excited to be in the same city as you. You are? Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Of course. I just strolled along the waterfront that you once told me about, and ate at the hot dog stand you once described. It made me feel close to you. Like you were walking beside me. That's so sweet, Sasha. it's the same thing my girlfriend told me last time she came to town. That's because you're irresistible, Sunshine. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. And? And? And? Tap tap tap tap tap t-
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-11 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-11 Pub. Date: 2019-10-11
Image Number: 179808
Caption: Facebook Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? It's been a while. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of visiting your city. And? Are you saying you'd like to visit me? Are you hoping to rekindle our passionate love affair? Are you going to explain why you told me we'd run away together and be happy and then you DISAPPEARED for years? Well it doesn't matter, because I have a girlfriend. Tap tap tap ta- Delete delete delete. Tap tap tap t- Cool. Have a good time. Thank you.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-18 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-18 Pub. Date: 2019-08-18
Image Number: 178993
Caption: Kelly messaged me again. After a year of silence. She sent me a photo of an ice cube tray. No words or anything. Just the photo. Dr. Noodle. How did that make you feel? Like she was trying to tell me something. So I studied the picture for a long time. And then it occurred to me: I'd seen that ice cube tray before! it was mine! In my freshman year of college, she stole it and refused to give it back. I see. What do you think this means? I think it means she still loves me with the same passion she felt for me back then, and that she wants me to drop everything and fly to her and run off with her into the sunset. Sometimes, narcissists will play games just to make sure others are thing about the ... When I asked what it meant, she said That hurts and blocked me!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-17 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-17 Pub. Date: 2019-05-17
Image Number: 177624
Caption: Why on earth would anyone want prisoners and ex-cons to vote?! What kind of message does that send to thugs hoodlums and murderers? Do you have any idea how many crimes have been avoided because the thuggish, homicidal maniac realized he might jeopardize his right to vote? Zero. I don't mean how many as in numbers. Don't be so literal. Sorry.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-28 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-28 Pub. Date: 2018-12-28
Image Number: 175588
Caption: Huh? What do you mean lost my mind? I read your article where you put Facebook on blast … You said they was givin' companies access to read, write and delete people private messages an' whatnot … but the next day, you sent me a private message sayin' Disregard my article, I was wrong and I'm a total fraud. What the -- I never wrote anything like that!! Your message said your alcoholism might make you forgetful.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-27 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-27 Pub. Date: 2018-12-27
Image Number: 175587
Caption: Sometimes being a journalist is really frustrating, Clyde. Take this Facebook story … My sources told me they were letting companies like Netflix and Spotify read, write and delete people's private messages. I asked all three companies if it was true, and all three weaseled out of answering. It's just like when I ask friends if they're ready to repay the $2 I loaned them, and ... Clyde?
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-26 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-26 Pub. Date: 2018-12-26
Image Number: 175586
Caption: This is Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg speaking. Hi. I'm publishing a story tomorrow about how you were letting companies like Netflix and Spotify read private messages. Do you admit that you did that? Facebook's partners don't get to ignore people's privacy settings, and it's wrong to suggest that they do. It's a yes or no question. We are focused on developing clearer policies.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-17 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-17 Pub. Date: 2018-12-17
Image Number: 175479
Caption: Hello, you’ve reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because nobody is ever at home anymore. You can reach me on my cellphone. Probably literally. I sleep with it. It comforts me at night. I think I need help, is what I'm saying.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-14 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-14 Pub. Date: 2018-12-14
Image Number: 175379
Caption: PhD. M.A. Couple's therapy. Tell her I'm sick and tired of her telling you to tell me things she could tell herself.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-11 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-11 Pub. Date: 2018-10-11
Image Number: 174390
Caption: Hello, Tara: I just want to say … I love my son more than life itself. My love will always be with him, no matter what happens. I've lived a long life. Seen many things. Gone many places. I have to regrets. By the way, I'm having a major medical procedure done tomorrow. But if my son doesn't call me before then, no big deal. I just don't want HIM to have regrets. (Hopefully I don't accidentally send this text to him, totally by mistake.) (Sigh) Better call Momma. People have been known to die from tooth-cleaning. Just saying.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-06 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-06 Pub. Date: 2018-10-06
Image Number: 174293
Caption: So … you took it pretty hard when Judge Boosie Groperman got confirmed for the state Supreme Court. No I didn't. It's just … his supporters kept saying a man shouldn't be held responsible for what he did when he was seventeen. They got their way. And that sent a message. That's all I'm saying. I still don't agree that we should put all 17-year-olds on house arrest, Lemont. They got the green light. It's us against them, now.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-10 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-10 Pub. Date: 2018-08-10
Image Number: 173377
Caption: Hello congressional candidate, your robocall has reached the home of a registered voter. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out searching for the nonexistent job your party promised you'd deliver last time you ran for office. I'm Lemont Brown. And I approved this message.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-12 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-12 Pub. Date: 2018-07-12
Image Number: 172716
Caption: It the internment camp for refugees from the Canardville sinkhole. We're gonna be fine, Sadie. I got the word out. How, dimwit? I always carry a burner phone hidden don't-ask-where. I tweeted, Snap-chatted, Raftred, Plurked and Instagrammed. I see. SPEAK ENGLISH, DORK-BOY. I even kept it old-school adn dropped a pin to a journalist I know. What you care to see how I drop a pin?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-24 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-24 Pub. Date: 2018-02-24
Image Number: 168665
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out on a date with a girl other than the one you keep trying to set me up with. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as she's broken my heart and I'm ready to come to my senses.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-19 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-19 Pub. Date: 2017-11-19
Image Number: 164467
Caption: Great-looking hair, made easy. Just dye. We now return to our program. How much time do I have to save the kitten, bring Timmy his inhaler, and defuse the nuclear bomb? You have a lot less time than you did before you started that sentence. We'll be back after these messages ... I'm rally psyched Little Tyrant Pizza's bringing the flavor with its new pecan guacamole dipping sauce! A guy, a beach, a skateboard. A girl bouncing in slow motion. And these corn chips that have nothing to do with any of that. Buy them. Six other commercials that go on so long that you don't remember what show you're watching. Going back to Netflixing everything. And now back to our show ... What were we doing? Defusing something or other, I think.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-23 message 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-23 Pub. Date: 2017-10-23
Image Number: 164147
Caption: I read your blog post about that dad who didn't make his kid apologize for bullying your kid. I never understood the point of makin' a kid say words he don't mean. How that gonna help the situation? What you need to do is hire a bigger kid to pull that bully's drawers up over his head. Revenge is never the answer, Clyde. If he wake up an' find his teddy bear's head on the pillow next to him, he'd get the message.
     
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