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Candorville

Comics about men.

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-14 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-14 Pub. Date: 2018-10-14
Image Number: 174287
Caption: My friend Miranda asked me what I thought of the outfit she was going to wear to Burning Man. It was very, very … revealing. How did that make you feel? Like she was toying with me. She made it clear twenty years ago that she just wanted to be friends. But here she was showing me something that she had to know would poke my furnace. You mean stoke your furnace. No, I mean poke. My furnace has been stoked since Freshman year -- it took me years to get that down from a raging inferno to a barely perceptible glow. I see. I think. So I juggled the furnace door to make sure it was locked, and then I stood there wondering if she was poking the coals to reignite them, or poking the coals to make sure they were dead. Or, maybe she just wanted a furnace's opinio -- can we not talk in metaphors? I'm confused. I welded shut the furnace door and turned on the A.C. just to be safe.
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-06 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-06 Pub. Date: 2018-10-06
Image Number: 174293
Caption: So … you took it pretty hard when Judge Boosie Groperman got confirmed for the state Supreme Court. No I didn't. It's just … his supporters kept saying a man shouldn't be held responsible for what he did when he was seventeen. They got their way. And that sent a message. That's all I'm saying. I still don't agree that we should put all 17-year-olds on house arrest, Lemont. They got the green light. It's us against them, now.
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-04 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-04 Pub. Date: 2018-10-04
Image Number: 174291
Caption: Our meme division is taking fast, people. Some of our best labels are failing. Fear, Inc. Fear of being called a white knight or a social justice warrior aren't scaring men away from speaking up in support of women in online arguments anymore. It's dragging down the whole GDP. Don't be scared, sir. The gross domestic panic index is overrated as an indicator. That puts me at ease. you're fired.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-02 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-02 Pub. Date: 2018-10-02
Image Number: 174289
Caption: I'm the one who brought in all our dark money accounts, sir. Especially Judicial Jerkpac. They hired us to create ads polishing off the rough edges of their favorite judicial nominees. But Judge Groperman is accused of sexual assault. I'm not sure you're the right man for this one, Garcia. I'm just as capable as any man of abandoning my principles to defend lowlife scum. It's called being a professional You mean alleged lowlife scum.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-30 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-30 Pub. Date: 2018-09-30
Image Number: 174071
Caption: I read that dumb article you wrote, where you said we should have magical fairies deliver caramel-covered mountains of cash in sacks made of rainbows to every man, woman and child. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't do it … don't do it. That's not all what I wrote. I wrote that we should give our war veterans better access to health care, education, and job training. If you have to explain what you wrote, then what you wrote wasn't very clear. Gah!!!
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-21 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-21 Pub. Date: 2018-09-21
Image Number: 174076
Caption: Where've you been all day, Clyde? Ruminatin', bruh. Your boy Socrates said There only one good: Knowledge; an' only one evil: ignorance. An' then my boy John Locke said No man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience. Add them two together an' the sum of that equation be all mankind is evil. You're not supposed to mix philosophers. That's on the warning label.
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-16 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-16 Pub. Date: 2018-09-16
Image Number: 173878
Caption: Black coffee, please. That'll be extra. What? It's the least popular item on the menu. I'm not following. It's supply and demand. Mocha, white mocha, caramel macchiato, breakfast blend, veranda blend, peppermint onion cactus blend. Those are our most popular drinks. Still not following. People love that stuff, so we have lots of it. You ordered something that's highly unpopular, and therefore it's incredibly rare. Very bad man. You might as well have ordered a unicorn.
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-05 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-05 Pub. Date: 2018-09-05
Image Number: 173881
Caption: .I don't know if I ever tol' you but … I used to cut Mr. T's hair back in the day. I don't brag about it much, but I'm the one who came up with his iconic hairstyle. Oh, he wasn't happy about it at first. But I said to Mr. T … Mr T? What some people call an accident, a wise man would call an opportunity ... Let me look in the mirror for a second. The mirrors are currently out of order.
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-24 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-24 Pub. Date: 2018-08-24
Image Number: 173658
Caption: After I'd gracefully climbed down from the air duct, I jumped right back into action … I'm a trained investigative journalist. And while I may be mumblety three years old, I've got the stamina of a man twice my age. I summoned all my skills to finally track down one of the refugee children the President had kidnapped from his parents. Mama! Sounds like they trained you very well in journalism school. Not much gets past me. Will humor you for $.
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-15 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-15 Pub. Date: 2018-08-15
Image Number: 173501
Caption: So then I climbed out of the air duct to interview the little refugee. I was four, but now I'm five. It was my birthday. There was something off about his story. Two army men with bayonets put us on a train. We got to ride it for four whole days. Were you scared when they took you from your parents? They didn't. We're all here. We get to stand in line for food together. We get to see the machine guns pointing at us together. Veteran journalist that I am, I didn't jump to any wild conclusions. What year is this? Is this 1942? This is 1942, isn't it. We get to say the pledge of allegiance every day together ...
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-03 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-03 Pub. Date: 2018-08-03
Image Number: 173244
Caption: Rosencrantz, I think there was a diversion yesterday, and we let it slip away unexplored. Will eat for food. Speak for yourself, Tyrone. I seized the opportunity. I exploited it for all it was worth. For the first time in days, I experienced laughter. I experienced joy. I experienced satisfaction. Not directly, I mean. I saw another man experience it. But that's just the same, when you think about it. I'm jealous. That's something at least.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-01 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-01 Pub. Date: 2018-08-01
Image Number: 173242
Caption: There you are, Dick. We need to talk. Ok, Ms. Garcia. This morning I asked you to send Mr. Fitzhugh a ficus plant for his birthday. You know what was delivered? A single dead rose. Are you trying to get me fired, Dick Fink? 'Course not. Must've been a mix-up at the florist. The nose said This'll be you soon, old man. Sincerely, Ms. Garcia. That florist is the worst.
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-13 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-13 Pub. Date: 2018-07-13
Image Number: 172717
Caption: At the refugee internment camp. I feel for the babies and their asylum-seeking parents. Most fled for their lives, only to have their families ripped apart. And when they're deported, many of those men, women and children will face certain doom. I've never known you to be so compassionate, boss. Most of them couldn't use any vast savings to bribe stooges - I mean, their connections on the city council - to donate a condemned storefront so they could open a new cafe once they're smuggled out of jail. VERY BAD MAN. Times like these make me conscious of my privilege.
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-12 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-12 Pub. Date: 2018-06-12
Image Number: 172213
Caption: Meanwhile at a café in neighboring Canardville … Have you gathered all the regulars and local animals two-by-two, minion? You were serious about that, boss? Totally unrelated topic: Let's say thousands of years ago, a big oil company was bribing a local shopkeeper to let them use his basement. Let's call him ... oh, I don't know ... Noah. Let's say big oil was using Noah's Cafe to conduct an illegal fracking operation. Let's say this type of mining is ... a tad risky ... and let's say big oil assured Noah that his cafe would be the one place in town that wouldn't cave in. Very very bad man.
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-09 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-09 Pub. Date: 2018-06-09
Image Number: 172073
Caption: What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-06 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-06 Pub. Date: 2018-06-06
Image Number: 172070
Caption: I heard a loud, mysterious boom last night, Tyrone. As have people all over the world, Rosencrantz. Earthquakes where there should be none. Loud booms of unascertained origin. The masses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the earth itself. Or ... it could be that when you thought me asleep, you donned ballet shoes, crept to the middle of the alley and began twirling and dancing and accidentally leapt a grand jete into the dumpster ... it could've been that. What a man does in an alley, stays in the alley.
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-02 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-02 Pub. Date: 2018-06-02
Image Number: 171950
Caption: I laugh at those who deem it insane when a man talks to himself, Rosencrantz … for we do not perceive reality. Instead, reality is transmitted through our sensory nodes, converted into electrical impulses, and transmitted across our synapses … whereupon our brains piece the impulses together and form an approximation of reality. Don't you see? Every person I've ever spoken with has been just a voice inside my head. Whatever, Tyrone. It's till creepy when you sing yourself to sleep.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-15 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-15 Pub. Date: 2018-05-15
Image Number: 171502
Caption: So … Clyde and I were playing basketball when all of a sudden four other guys showed up and asked if they could join in. So we started choosing up teams, and all of a sudden I got all nervous and anxious. I'm a grown man. I have a son. A career. But all of a sudden I was right back in second grade hoping I wouldn't be the last to be picked. Is that why Clyde asked me how my emergency vasectomy went? I had to think of some reason to get out of there.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-23 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-23 Pub. Date: 2018-04-23
Image Number: 170819
Caption: Starbucks HQ. Can I help you? I'm Lemont Brown, with Candorville.com. I have an appointment to interview your CEO about how one of your stores had two black men arrested for doing what white people do all the time. Are you sure you don't have an appointment with our black COO? She's the on our PR guys say should handle this. I'm sure. Oh, I'm also gonna ask him about the other store that didn't let the black guy use the bathroom 'cause he's black. I really think you should speak with our black COO.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-17 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-17 Pub. Date: 2018-04-17
Image Number: 170575
Caption: My assistant, Dick Fink, somehow removed all the glass from my windows and I nearly plummeted to my death. I need to fire him, sir. Don't you think you're being just a tiny bit hysterical, Garcia? You're not sure it was him. And the man has a family to support. Whatever it is, work it out. Does he have something on you, Mr. Fitzhugh? You're always protecting him. Does he know some dirty secret? Of course not. By the way, totally unrelated ... let's whisper when we discuss Fink, ... just for kicks. Yayle. CEO of the Year.2002.
     
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