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Candorville

Comics about men.

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321. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-16 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-16 Pub. Date: 2012-04-16
Image Number: 79547
Caption: You got any Purell? Lemme ask you a question, Big L … Thug 4 Life. What do real men like Shaka Zulu, Hercules, Chuck Norris and Jesus have in common? Thug 4 Life. Giant beards? Giant beards? Ain't none of them ever used hand sanitizer. Thug 4 Life.
     
322. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-24 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-24 Pub. Date: 2012-03-24
Image Number: 77683
Caption: Garcia, if you need birth-control pills for some medical reason, just tell us and maybe we'll change our minds about including it in your health insurance plan. Seriously? Of course. Tell us exactly what's going on with your lady parts, and then we'll make our decision. Pharmacy. Do you take Massacard?
     
323. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-22 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-22 Pub. Date: 2012-03-22
Image Number: 77681
Caption: Let me get this straight: You have a moral objection to covering birth-control pills, even though it's often prescribed for medical reasons. I shouldn't have to pay so that women can have sex without facing the consequences. But you don't have a problem covering Viagra and vasectomies ... Even though Viagra only exists so that men can have sex, and vasectomies only exist so that men can have sex without consequences. That's different. Men are supposed to sow their wild oats. Women aren't. Who do you think they're sowing oats with?!
     
324. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-21 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-21 Pub. Date: 2012-03-21
Image Number: 77680
Caption: I heard the boss switched our health insurance to a plan that doesn't cover lady pills. That's right, Dick. It doesn't cover birth-control pills, IUDs or anything. Not true, Ms. Garcia. It still covers Viagra. Cialis, vasectomies … anything a man desires. Are you gloating? Shake shake sh - Viagra. I wish I could chat, but I have a vasectomy at 2, followed by a vasectomy reversal at 4, and a vasectomy reversal-reversal at 6.
     
325. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-04 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-04 Pub. Date: 2012-03-04
Image Number: 76508
Caption: Reverend Wilfred, the Board of Trustees feels you're creating far too permissive an environment. There's a disturbing amount of hip-hop, short skirts and jacketless men in the congregation. The board's asked me, as deacon, to help you rein in the laxity and the temptation. I've brought a list of mandatory suggestions. Can you repeat that? When I was earning my doctorate in theology, I must've missed that class. What class are you referring to, reverend? "Alienating the youth and thereby condemning your church to a slow death, 101." You're only allotted one Kirk Franklin song a week.
     
326. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-03 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-03 Pub. Date: 2012-03-03
Image Number: 76895
Caption: I don't get you people. Us people? Women. Sasha won't tell me why she stays with Webster, momma won't tell me anything about my dad, and you've never told me who the love of your life was. In "Titanic," Gloria Stuart said "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." That explains everything. I can't swim.
     
327. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-25 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-25 Pub. Date: 2012-02-25
Image Number: 76742
Caption: Have you ever thought that in the hundreds and thousands of years man has been here … We've only heard the best singers of the last 100 or so? For all we know, there was an ancient Mesopotamian donkey-herder whose voice could make the angels weep. But we'll never, ever hear her because time screwed her out of a recording contract. I don't think they "herded" donkeys. No, I googled it. Donkeys were all ever ancient Mesopotamia.
     
328. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-20 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-20 Pub. Date: 2012-02-20
Image Number: 76737
Caption: Do you know how I can get to the subway? Mmble whah? I'm not used to public transportation anymore. Who's there?! My name's Whitney. I haven't had this dream since I was fourteen. Um … I mean … I don't really need to know what you mean.
     
329. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-18 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-18 Pub. Date: 2012-02-18
Image Number: 76408
Caption: What's wrong? The appeals court declared California's proposition 8 unconstitutional. I thought you'd be thrilled about that. When the AP app on my iPhone first told me, I thought "Right on." A half hour later, the MSNBC app on my phone told me the same thing. And I thought "Man, you guys are slow. That's old news." America's attention span is dead, Susan. And we wonder why newspapers are dying. 30 minutes might as well be a whole week.
     
330. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-27 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-27 Pub. Date: 2012-01-27
Image Number: 75721
Caption: I don't see why you want to vote anyway, Tyrone. Whoever you vote for … They're still gonna be corporatist warmongers beholden to Wall Street and the military-industrial-security complex. They'll still trample on the common man. You'd be voting for the lesser of two evils. Why would you want to do that? Because the lesser of two evils is better than the worse of two evils.
     
331. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-14 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-14 Pub. Date: 2012-01-14
Image Number: 75073
Caption: Your ex is filthy rich. Very old money. Possibly billions. Well can't she give you child support? Every time I try to ask her, I just can't get the words out, and end up walking away fast. Either I have too much pride, or … That's it. But I haven't even gotten into my theory about her being a master hypnotist. Dios mio.
     
332. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-02 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-02 Pub. Date: 2012-01-02
Image Number: 74803
Caption: Sup, Playa?* *How are you coping with being a single father who just lost his job? What's up, Clyde?* *I have to watch him all the time, and when I get a couple hours free I'm too tired to go look for work. Cough cough?* *Let's get a burrito. It'll cheer you up. Yawn* **Nah, gotta save my last $20 to feed Lionel.
     
333. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-01 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-01 Pub. Date: 2012-01-01
Image Number: 74226
Caption: To be honest, I haven't been on a date in a while. I called you for the first time in three years because I just got out of a long-term relationship with a soul-crushing demon who twisted everything I said to make me seem like I was always wrong … Wrong to like Star Trek, wrong to listen to Lenny Kravitz, wrong to ask her not to yell at me. When I said "Don't yell at me," she would say "Why? You think your special or something?" Pass the salt? I once asked her to pass the salt, and she said "A real man would get the salt himself." She was always doing that kind of thing. I asked you out in the hopes you'll restore my faith in romance before I get cynical and bitter. Note to self: Honesty is not the best policy, Would you excuse me for a moment, as I back away slowly and then start running?
     
334. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-23 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-23 Pub. Date: 2011-12-23
Image Number: 74337
Caption: Susan, do you want to spend Christmas with Lionel and me? I wish I could, bit I'm invited to the Christmas party at McMahon, Tate, Stephens & Evans. They're the ad firm that's trying to take over Fitzhugh & Fitzhugh. You're going to smooth things over? I'm going to spike their eggnog so they'll divulge secrets I can use to thwart the takeover, thereby proving to old man Fitzhugh that I deserve to be made partner. That's the Christmas spirit. Wish me good hunting.
     
335. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-13 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-13 Pub. Date: 2011-12-13
Image Number: 74018
Caption: Once upon a time, there lived a little boy. What wath hith name? "Lem …" Um … "Lamond." Oh. The little boy didn't know his father, and his mother refused to ever talk about him. What wath her name? "Momma." Oh. This little boy had no male role model other than the one he say on tv. What wath hith name? "Heathcliff Huxtable." Oh. Then one day this little boy had to start over because he lost his train of thought. What color wath hith twain?
     
336. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-05 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-05 Pub. Date: 2011-12-05
Image Number: 31623
Caption: I'm not sure why you need to talk with me about your promotion. You're my top man, Garcia. You've been handling promotions on your own for years. You handled Pepsi, and Dr. Sasquatch's Depilatory for Extremely Hairy Chicks. No ... Sir ... By "promotion," I mean I want to take on more responsibility for more money and a better title. Oh, I see! I'm not familiar with that usage of the term. (Published originally on 2009-04-13)
     
337. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-27 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-27 Pub. Date: 2011-11-27
Image Number: 72871
Caption: "Stupid arguments" are the most important. But a parking spot? Yes. She yelled at me for two hours! She felt belittled. If a parking spot is within ten feet of a hydrant, it's not a spot. It's a ticket-trap! She doesn’t understand these things. I parked right across the street, where I was more comfortable. What's wrong with that?! When you told her "that's not a spot." she heard "You're a woman, you don't know what you're talking about." Well tell her to use the English-to-English dictionary, not the English-to-history-of-gender-inequality dictionary.
     
338. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-25 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-25 Pub. Date: 2011-11-25
Image Number: 73211
Caption: Can it wait till tomorrow, sir? I'm on my way to pick up my son! It'll just take a moment. Brown, you're familiar with the "Arab Spring"? The uprisings of the common man across the Middle East? Yes. And are you familiar with the fact that you are our only reporter with experience as an embed in a war zone? By "A moment," you mean. Bring your body armor and a months worth of field rations to the helipad on the roof.
     
339. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-04 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-04 Pub. Date: 2011-11-04
Image Number: 72412
Caption: John 1:48-50 … Nathaniel said to him, "How do you know me?" Jesus answered him … "Before Philip called you, I saw you standing under a fig tree." Nathaniel said, "Rabbi, you are the son of God! You are the king of Israel!" Jesus replied: "Because I said I saw you standing under a fig tree ... ?" You're the only man I know who reads the bible for jokes.
     
340. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-23 man 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-23 Pub. Date: 2011-10-23
Image Number: 66463
Caption: On Today's Sunday Morning Political Show, we have -- BOOOO! Um ... We have the audience from the last few republican presidential debates. The ones who booed a gay soldier ... ... Cheered at the thought of a hypothetical comatose man dying because he has no health insurance ... ... And errupted with joy at the mere mention that Rick Perry executed people. ... Lots of people. Thank you for joining us, debate audience. I don't deserve to be here. I've been bad. I've gotten used to the notion that we're all in this society together. Whip me. Take away my unemployment insurance ... Um ... We'll be right back. Let my HMO deny me because of pre-existing conditions again! I deserve it! Punish me!
     
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