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Rudy Park

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141. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-05 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-05 Pub. Date: 2016-11-05
Image Number: 150488
Caption: I made fun of your age the other day. I'd like to apologize. That's odd. Does the blade of grass apologize to the lawnmower? Does the bug apologize to the windshield? Does the ant apologize to the boot? Those are some interesting analogies. Did they make more sense back in the middle ages when you first came up with them? I sense a boot coming
     
142. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-27 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-27 Pub. Date: 2016-10-27
Image Number: 150209
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you to the café at midnight, minion. Not really. They're keeping the voting machines in a warehouse on the outskirts of town. I'm not telling you to break in … and I'm not telling you to make it look like anti-Trump Communist illegal immigrants from China and Mexico rigged the machines on behalf of ISIS to elect Hillary Clinton. Does this have anything to do with all those "Trump was robbed" cupcakes you had me order? I'm not telling you that.
     
143. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-19 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-19 Pub. Date: 2016-10-19
Image Number: 149918
Caption: I'm torn, Randy. I'm so undecided about this election. You're still undecided about the candidates? No, I'm undecided about whether to be undecided. On the one hand, it could make me seem like I'm unbiased. Like I'm not beholden to any particular ideology. Like I'm above it all. But on the other hand, it could make me look like I'm too dumb to tell the difference between things that are different. Take a couple weeks to ponder that. No rush.
     
144. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-18 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-18 Pub. Date: 2016-10-18
Image Number: 149917
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing once single topic: Undecided voters. America has the longest campaigns in the world. You've had two whole years to watch the candidates and make up your minds. Call me and tell my why you're such a namby-pamby slacker!!! ... and don't all of you wait until 30 seconds before this show goes off the air.
     
145. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-16 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-16 Pub. Date: 2016-10-16
Image Number: 149159
Caption: I'm doing well in my latest Surveymonkey poll. I run polls on all my social media accounts every time I make an important decision. Like when I decide which socks to wear … which movie to stream … which cereal to eat … Today I chose "Lucky Charms." A solid choice. 49% of my followers felt that was proof of sound breakfast judgment. Wait ... doesn't that mean 51% thought it wasn't? Taking a poll is science. Reporting the results is an art. A whopping 32% felt that my sticking with an un-PC breakfast choice showed I was bold enough to be president. You just ate what everyone wished they could eat.
     
146. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-08 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-08 Pub. Date: 2016-10-08
Image Number: 149323
Caption: Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.
     
147. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-02 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-02 Pub. Date: 2016-10-02
Image Number: 148594
Caption: Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: "The Difference Between Us". You're all half a century younger than me … which makes me so very aflutter with glee. YOU think a smartphone makes you a big champ … but I saw Muhammad Ali. You think reading tweets lets you know somebody ... but each letter I read was caressed and indented and scented and carried the essence of whoever sent it. I'm trying to wake you from a "life" that's too thin! ... or, barring that, break you. Either way, win-win. Can you repeat that? I was watching Youtube. What's a "letter"?
     
148. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-27 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-27 Pub. Date: 2016-09-27
Image Number: 149038
Caption: Do you think glasses make people look smarter? That depends, little buddy. The glasses must be small, to give you the illusion of a larger noggin. The rims must be thick enough to hide any dullard-like facial expressions, to create the illusion of perceptivity. And lastly, one must never speak, lest we say something dumb and ruin the illusions. What if I also wore a big bushy mustache to muffle my words?
     
149. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-07 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-07 Pub. Date: 2016-09-07
Image Number: 148228
Caption: I want to develop a routine. It'll make me more interesting. How so? A person who regularly does the same things at the same time is boring. Either that, or he's establishing an alibi to cover for nefarious deeds he's controlling from a distance using apps on a disposable smartphone. I bet you're wondering what my other hand's doing under this table right now. Never say that sentence again in life.
     
150. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-30 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147932
Caption: I don't want to choose between the lesser of two evils, Randy. Me neither, little buddy. That's why I'm not voting for either Clinton or Trump. I'm going to vote for the only American who has yet to disappoint me. I'm voting for Pocahontas. Just don't tell me anything about her that'll make me think she's a bad choice too. Did you know "Pocahontas" was a nickname that meant "spoiled child"? I'm voting for Paul Bunyan.
     
151. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-26 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-26 Pub. Date: 2016-08-26
Image Number: 147678
Caption: You called me, boss? Yes. I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we've found. I want you to stop doing that. At least until I'm done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don't need any competitors driving up the prices. Very bad man. When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing.
     
152. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-23 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-23 Pub. Date: 2016-08-23
Image Number: 147675
Caption: Sadie, they just found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we’ve discovered in my lifetime. It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are … unless they've got telescopes. It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus. I see you're bringing what passes for your A-game today.
     
153. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-21 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-21 Pub. Date: 2016-08-21
Image Number: 146592
Caption: $12 for bottled water?! Haven't you been watching the news? America's aging pipes are leaching chemicals into the water that cause horrific illnesses. The entire city of Flint was poisoned by lead, leading to developmental damage in children and probably causing an outbreak of Legionnaires' disease. All bottled water is tested for lead. But ours is special, it's guaranteed to be 100% free of certain other chemicals too. Our bottled water is also 100% free of adamantium, NTH metal, vibranium, kryptonite and dilithium. No other bottled water on the market makes that claim. Just give me a coffee. Regular or guaranteed aniumanium-free? Very bad man.
     
154. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-16 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147398
Caption: I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."
     
155. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-12 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147087
Caption: Scientists discovered an immense hole in Siberia. Nobody knows what caused it. Some think global warming melted a huge, gas-filled hill made of ice so fast that is exploded. Let's let them go on thinking that, little buddy. House of Java.net Cybercafe. By the way, if you ever go out to the middle of nowhere to brew your own black market cologne, make sure you don't brew it on a hill made of ice. That does not constitute an admission of anything.
     
156. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-25 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-25 Pub. Date: 2016-07-25
Image Number: 146482
Caption: Minion, how good are you at constructing big, beautiful walls? What? Tens of millions of people watched last week's Republican convention. I don't follow. My calculations show the convention successfully scared 49.2% of them nearly to death, by making it seem as if we're being overrun by savages. There are now millions of potential customers who'd love to sip coffee surrounded by a 50-foot electrified wall. Very bad man.
     
157. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-10 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-10 Pub. Date: 2016-07-10
Image Number: 144704
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions.
     
158. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-06 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-06 Pub. Date: 2016-07-06
Image Number: 145516
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Brexit. I'm old enough to remember before the European Union existed. I witnessed its creation. It was historic. But now it's falling apart and if it does, well then what I witnessed wasn't all that historic after all. Way to make it all about you. It's like it was all just one big tease.
     
159. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-21 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-21 Pub. Date: 2016-06-21
Image Number: 144910
Caption: You're drooling. Why are you drooling, little buddy? It's … something amazing has happened, Randy. Something earth-shatteringly stupendously amazing. Netflix rebooted "Voltron," Randy, and it's so insanely good that it makes me feel like I'm ten years old again ... Like I just skateboarded home with a Mountain Dew and a bag of Funyuns after watching "Footloose." Something tell me my '80s were a lot sexier than your '80s.
     
160. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-06-19 make 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-06-19 Pub. Date: 2016-06-19
Image Number: 144040
Caption: Give me whatever and make it fast. What? What do you mean? My wife gave me ten minutes of freedom for Father's Day. And I burned through three of those just sprinting over here. We have four children and a fifth one any day now. She's tired in bed so I'm on 24/7 kid duty. I haven't left the house, taken a shower, or gone potty by myself since 2015. My ear hairs are skinny secret babies that whisper to me at night that I may be going insane. So for Father's Day, my loving wife granted me ten fleeting moments of me-time, which I choose to spend buying expensive coffee in a run-down cafe, like I used to do when I was young and single and had all the time in the world. Mom wants to know when you'll be back. Tell the short person I can't hear it for another 5 minutes and 48 seconds! Sometimes I'm glad I can't even get a date.
     
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