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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-08 |
| Image Number: |
179805 |
| Caption: |
Why does your site have a Breaking News report about something that happened a long time ago? Because our country has the attention span of a housefly, Susan. We ignore anything that isn't Breaking News. So … did you like my coverage of James Madison proposing the electoral college and the 315ths compromise as a way to make this United States thing acceptable to the slave states? Dios mio.
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-09-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-09-23 |
| Image Number: |
179617 |
| Caption: |
… So I asked him Just how are you going to call the police when you're all tied up? Pardon me. Couldn't help but overhear. Tied up makes no sense when you think about it. When you wrap a rope around something, the rope actually goes around and around not up. Someone needs to smack you around. That makes no sense either.
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-09-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-09-15 |
| Image Number: |
179422 |
| Caption: |
Hello? Hi. Could I start you with some coffee? No thanks, that might make me too excited, and I'm in a presidential debate in a few hours. I'm Patsy Milquetoast, 23rd person on the Democratic debate stage. Who? Don't you remember me from the last debate? I'm the one who took a bold stand against boldness. I thought that was that John Delaney guy, who kept saying we can't do big things. I thought John was being too confrontational when he said all that. You can't beat someone by confronting them. Um ... I hope my saying that didn't offend you ... not that there'd be anything wrong with you being offended.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-09-07 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-09-07 |
| Image Number: |
179299 |
| Caption: |
You know the Amazon produces a lot of oxygen, and now it's burning up? So? This a good thing, bruh. Amazon rainforest makes oxygen. People breathe it in. Know what they breath out? Carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide be causing global warming. By transitive logic, the Amazon rainforest be causin' global warming. That's ... look, for one thing, the Amazon soaks up carbon dioxide. Tell it to make up its mind.
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-24 |
| Image Number: |
179098 |
| Caption: |
Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-18 |
| Image Number: |
178993 |
| Caption: |
Kelly messaged me again. After a year of silence. She sent me a photo of an ice cube tray. No words or anything. Just the photo. Dr. Noodle. How did that make you feel? Like she was trying to tell me something. So I studied the picture for a long time. And then it occurred to me: I'd seen that ice cube tray before! it was mine! In my freshman year of college, she stole it and refused to give it back. I see. What do you think this means? I think it means she still loves me with the same passion she felt for me back then, and that she wants me to drop everything and fly to her and run off with her into the sunset. Sometimes, narcissists will play games just to make sure others are thing about the ... When I asked what it meant, she said That hurts and blocked me!
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-17 |
| Image Number: |
178999 |
| Caption: |
Garcia, if you need birth-control pills for some medical reason, just tell us and maybe we'll change our minds about including it in your health insurance plan. Seriously? Of course. Tell us exactly what's going on with your lady parts, and then we'll make our decision. Pharmacy. Do you take Massacard?
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-06 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-06 |
| Image Number: |
178907 |
| Caption: |
ICE and border patrol are really detaining Americans? Even American children. Back in March, they detained nin-year-old Julia Medina for 36 hours and interrogated her without her parents. She's an American who lives in Tijuana, and she had her passport. They tried to get her 14-year-old brother to say she was his cousin. What? Why? I asked them then they asked me for my passport. So I panicked and jumped into a passing freight train ... But I'll make a follow-up call tomorrow.
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-08-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-08-01 |
| Image Number: |
178784 |
| Caption: |
You're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! Brexit. I'm old enough to remember before the European Union existed. I witnesses its creation. It was historic. But now it's falling apart and if it does, well then what I witnessed wasn't all that historic after all. Way to make it all about you. It's like it was all just one big tease.
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-21 |
| Image Number: |
178558 |
| Caption: |
Did you know the New Yorker posts all its memees on Twitter and on its site? Memes? Yeah, you know, memes. Where they take an image and put a caption over it. The combination of image and caption makes it funny. My generation invented meme culture. I think you're describing cartoons. The other day, I came across a video of Harvard professor Cornell West dancing with his students. HOJ. He was really good at it. It was cute watching a Boomer try to co-opt my generation's movement culture. I do with the New Yorker and Cornell West would bne more original, though. Millennials are an interesting bunch. Was that snark, Boomer? Keep that up and I'll make sure you get ratioed on Twitter.
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-14 |
| Image Number: |
178556 |
| Caption: |
According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-09 |
| Image Number: |
178421 |
| Caption: |
Hey, Big L, wassup? Listen, I can't make it to your barbecue tomorrow. Why not? Whachoomean Why not? What you is, my momma? My girl? My parole officer? I'm a grown man. I don't gotta tell nobody why not nothin'. Even if you don't come, you owe me for your half of the food I bought. See you at noon.
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-08 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-08 |
| Image Number: |
178420 |
| Caption: |
I'm gonna be barbecuing tomorrow. I'm all set up. The grill's on the fire escape … The meat's marinating in the fridge … my apron's scorch marks have been patched over … I've got nine bottles of lighter fluid for when I can't get the coals to heat up … Can't make it. I've finished paying off the damages from last year ...
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-07-06 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-07-06 |
| Image Number: |
178395 |
| Caption: |
So your mom self-published your rough draft to Amazon, costing you a six-figure book deal you already had. Why on earth are you smiling? She did it by accident. She thought she was just making a copy for herself. In any case, it means Momma loves my work. That's a really sweet attitude, Lemont. I'm proud of you. And for the rest of the time, I'll have something to throw in her face when she guilt-trips me.
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-06-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-06-23 |
| Image Number: |
178215 |
| Caption: |
One pair of Levis, please. Which cut? Extra-slim cut. Ripped or not ripped? What? Smooth or corrugated? Uniform or multicolored? Studded or non-studded? Built-in-Millennial-charger-pocket or Boomer regular? MAGA red or Dem lining. Just plain old regular jeans. That'll be $250. What?! Special order. We don't make 'em anymore.
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-06-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-06-17 |
| Image Number: |
178142 |
| Caption: |
White supremacist moves into town … Florida teen accused of posing as a doctor. Denies diagnosing patients … Middle school teacher secretly ran white supremacist podcast … AR-15 rifles to protect crops from hogs … What on earth do you Google that makes youtube think you want to watch all that? The most inbred people of all time.
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-06-03 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-06-03 |
| Image Number: |
177936 |
| Caption: |
I need to supplement my income. Would driving for Uber be a good idea? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. 'Fore I begin, bruh, full disclosure … I own a lot of Uber stock. But that in no way affect what I say about it. When I give advice, I couldn't care less whether it make me money or cost me money. I'm offended you'd even entertain the notion. I hard some Uber drivers actually lose money. Fake news.
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-30 |
| Image Number: |
177796 |
| Caption: |
Hello, me. I'm you from the future. I've come back in time to ask you to write in your journal more often. You know all those incredible little moments and all those profound or funny things your little boy says that make you think I'll never forget that? Well guess what? You've forgotten them all. Also, make sure you write about butterflies, panda bears and our democracy. Zzzzz.
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-18 |
| Image Number: |
177625 |
| Caption: |
Have you seen Avengers? Yeah, I saw that Socialist propaganda. What? Men in tights who thought they could make everything great with the snap of a finger. The world moved on when 3.5 billion people vanished. That means if they came back, they'd all be unemployed. Not everything has to be political. I turned to the stranger next to me said How are they going to pay for that?
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-05-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-05-05 |
| Image Number: |
177448 |
| Caption: |
What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.
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