| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-03-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-03-13 |
| Image Number: |
182109 |
| Caption: |
Fox News tweeted that crime is down since Trump took office. So I wrote an article about how crime has been steadily falling for 25 years. Some random guy posted That's fake news in response, so I sent him links to the data. He wrote back accusing me of being obsessed with making him believe what I believe. I replied Hey, you contacted me. Then he called me names. The internet is the dumbest land there ever was. I replied Leave me alone. He replied You first.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-03-13) |
Image #182109 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-03-09 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-03-09 |
| Image Number: |
182105 |
| Caption: |
Did you see SNL on Saturday night? I turned it off after it started getting political. Politics had no place in comedy. Not in sitcoms, not in comic strips, not in stand-up routines. Except for Donald Trump. Best insult-comic ever. That guy's hilarious. It's all starting to make sense. He should've picked Andrew Dice Clay for VP, though.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-03-09) |
Image #182105 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-03-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-03-02 |
| Image Number: |
182005 |
| Caption: |
I found a bunch of charges on my Massacard I didn't make. Like what, Big L? Like 50 do-rags from Rollo's Do-Rag Emporium … 50 pairs of pointy red sunglasses from Big Shady's Sunglasses Boutique … Do you know anything about this, Clyde?! 'Course.. This: A pronoun used to indicate a person, thing, idea, state, time, remark, an' whatnot. Return. It. All.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-03-02) |
Image #182005 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-02-25 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-02-25 |
| Image Number: |
181888 |
| Caption: |
I'm writing a thriller about a fictional American president. He has the most appealing ideas, and gets elected by honestly winning the most votes. He appoints honorable, competent people to every post. He shows up to work and tried to make everyone's life better. That is pretty thrilling. He likes leaders of democracies more than he likes evil dictators.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-02-25) |
Image #181888 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-02-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-02-23 |
| Image Number: |
181798 |
| Caption: |
A lot of the Youtube channels I subscribe to that review tv shows were furious about HBOs Watchmen. They weren't upset about HBO making a sequel to one of the best graphic novels of all time. They weren't upset about the writing. They weren't upset about the special effects, or the acting ... They were upset that the villain was the Ku Klux Klan. They described that as SJW wokeness being shoved down their throats. It seriously offended the alt right crowd. So I checked it out right away. It was amazing! Wait ... is that how you decide what to watch?
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-02-23) |
Image #181798 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-02-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-02-20 |
| Image Number: |
181802 |
| Caption: |
At the Candorville Chronicle … Good news and bad news, Chief. Bad news first. Ok. The bad news is, there's a massive typhoon heading directly toward our bureau in China. Didn't we just close our China bureau because we ran out of money? Oh … so you've already heard the good news. Thanks for trying to make me feel better.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-02-20) |
Image #181802 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-02-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-02-10 |
| Image Number: |
181705 |
| Caption: |
SNBC really didn't like that you called Mayor Bloomberg an oligarch for buying his way into the election. Oh … you saw that? Of course! I set it so my phone alerts me whenever you're on TV. I wish you wouldn't … Public speaking makes me nervous. I've seen you throw up on Fox ... seen you throw up on CNN ... seen you projective vomit on PBS ... The Muppet Show never asked me to guest star again. Anyway, I thought in this case, it was a good rebuttal to their arguments. I think Chris Matthews' mouth was open.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-02-10) |
Image #181705 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-01-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-01-21 |
| Image Number: |
181365 |
| Caption: |
… then he cried What happens now? So I opened the trunk, leaned over him, and said The ball's in your court. Pardon me, I couldn't help overhearing. The ball's in your court makes no sense. People don't play on separate courts. They play on the same court. How would you like to go for a ride? On a ride would be more accurate.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-01-21) |
Image #181365 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-01-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-01-14 |
| Image Number: |
181259 |
| Caption: |
… and then halfway into your article, you turned into a terrorist-lover. What? You wrote Just a little while ago, when the general we just assassinated was leading the fight to crush ISIS, we were all praising him. You wrote When we get on our high horse about freedom and liberty, much of the world wants to gag because they notice how we love butchers until we no longer need them. How's that make me a terrorist-lover? When we get introspective, the terrorists win.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-01-14) |
Image #181259 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2020-01-03 |
Pub. Date: |
2020-01-03 |
| Image Number: |
181019 |
| Caption: |
What's your problem, Big L? I forgot to make a new year's resolution, man. I've made a resolution every year of my life. And my whole life, all my new year's resolutions have always come true. Do you have any idea what this mean? That nothing at all gonna happen to you this year? Exactly. And you know what that means? It mean that superstition be a dangerous thing? I'm too young ish to die!
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2020-01-03) |
Image #181019 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-12-31 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-12-31 |
| Image Number: |
181016 |
| Caption: |
You know how else we've come full circle since the 1920s? … White supremacists. In the 19-teens, we elected Woodrow Wilson, the most racist president of the 20th century. Between that, and all the black WWII veterans, black writers, black musicians, and the black middle class that was starting to boom ... white supremacists said it was time to make America hate again. Maybe they just needed to be understood.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-12-31) |
Image #181016 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-12-29 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-12-29 |
| Image Number: |
180953 |
| Caption: |
Why are we here, Michael? First doc, thank you for seeing me on New Years Eve. I'm having a crisis. There we were, sitting around the crackling fire, champagne in hand. We were roasting chestnuts. We were singing Auld Lang Syne. That's when the owners came home early. We jumped out the window but I'm pretty sure Vic left his hammer behind. I see. So you want to know if turning yourself in would make you feel better? I want you to tell anyone who asks, this therapy session began at 1 a.m.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-12-29) |
Image #180953 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-12-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-12-05 |
| Image Number: |
180644 |
| Caption: |
Hello? Hi. Do you repair new old computers? What? Well … My beloved old iMac G4 dies years ago. So I bought a new iMac and paid a kid to tear out its guts and shove them into my old G4's body. You know, kind of like if you had an old friend who passes away, so you dressed your new friend in his clothes. I'm feeling very uncomfortable. It's making a weird screaming sound.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-12-05) |
Image #180644 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-30 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-30 |
| Image Number: |
180583 |
| Caption: |
I read your latest article. I think you misquoted General Patton, bruh. What? I doubt he ever really said No Saturn - asterisk - pound sign - dollar sign - squiggle die for his country. He won it by making some other poor Saturn - asterisk - pound sign - dollar sign - squiggle die for his country. You're just messing with me you, Ø *#$}. That, I would believe he said.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-11-30) |
Image #180583 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-16 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-16 |
| Image Number: |
180303 |
| Caption: |
How come you ain't fillin' your prescription at the pharmacy, bruh? My insurance is refusing to cover memory-loss meds. Don't worry, I got you. Whachoo need? I got Aricept, Exelon, Razadyne, Criscolon, Franaphran … Did you just make some of that up? Dilithiumanadyneaphran ...
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-11-16) |
Image #180303 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-12 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-12 |
| Image Number: |
180299 |
| Caption: |
1982. Momma says I should be a teacher when I grow up. I said I want to be a writer, and she said 40 years from now, nobody's gonna read.. I said I want to be an astronaut, and she said we already did the moon, and 40 years from now, NASA's gonna be out of a business. Why a teacher, though? Momma said The one thing we know people will still be doing in 40 years is making kids. So I asked her how they make kids. That's when she said I should be an astronaut. My mama can never make up her mind either.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-11-12) |
Image #180299 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-05 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-05 |
| Image Number: |
180233 |
| Caption: |
When my little boy got home from day care and found out I'd sold the microwave, he started sobbing. He asked who bought it. I said A neighbor. He whimpered and blubbered But I don't want the neighbor to have it! I want us to have it! … I tried to make him feel better by telling him it's best not to have one anyway, because all microwaves leak radiation and that can cause cancer ... and that's when you son accused you of trying to murder your neighbor? I never realized how horrible a person I was until my son started asking questions.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-11-05) |
Image #180233 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-11-01 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-11-01 |
| Image Number: |
180106 |
| Caption: |
Everyone goes through this at one time or another, Lemont. It's important not to worry about what other people think of you, if you know you're doing the right thing. It's important to get to a place of self-confidence, self-assurance, peace. Whatever. I still think your new Get your 10 psychosis treated free punchcards make you look tacky. And yet I'm at peace with that.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-11-01) |
Image #180106 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-27 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-27 |
| Image Number: |
180026 |
| Caption: |
$12 for bottled water?! Haven't you been watching the news? American's aging pipes are leaching chemicals into the water that cause horrific illnesses. The entire city of Flint was poisoned by led, leading to developmental damage in children and probably causing an outbreak of Legionnaires' Disease. All bottled water is tested for lead. But ours is special. It's guaranteed to be 100% free of certain other chemicals too. Out bottled water is also 100% free of adamantium, NTH metal, vibranium, kryptonite and dilithium. No other bottled water on the market makes that claim. Just give me coffee. Regular or guaranteed aniumanium-free? Very bad man.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-10-27) |
Image #180026 |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-10-20 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-10-20 |
| Image Number: |
179913 |
| Caption: |
You already finished your bucket list, Clyde? That's right. But … you're only midway through life. Read the last item on that list. Make it midway through life. Wait … there are only two other items on here. Get it started, and Let it ride. E'rething else just details, bruh. the truth of the story lies in the details. - Paul Auster. The strength of the alibi likes in the lack of details - C-Dog.
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| Candorville by Darrin Bell (2019-10-20) |
Image #179913 |
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