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Candorville

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141. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-21 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-21 Pub. Date: 2009-10-21
Image Number: 39858
Caption: Thank you for giving me a ride home, Lemont. Least I could do for my shrink. All right, do I go left or do I go right? Which way do you FEEL you should go? … Oh. Oh, therapist humor. Not bad. … So, which way do I go? Which way do YOU think you should go? STOP IT!!!
     
142. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-18 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-18 Pub. Date: 2009-10-18
Image Number: 39842
Caption: The other day I found out my wife's been cheating on me for six months and I can't stop thinking about the other man. I want to find him. I see. It's only natural. But it's important to realize that the other man is not the cause of your problem. The problem is that something about your marriage is dysfunctional or unsatisfying. Rather than face it, your wife looked elsewhere for a solution. You're doing the same thing by pretending the other man is the problem and if we were to just go away, that would fix everything. You have to choose: A short-term fix that feels great but won't last, or a long, hard, painful look at the unhealthy dynamic you and your wife cheated. I just meant I think she left my golf clubs at his house.
     
143. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-02 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-02 Pub. Date: 2009-10-02
Image Number: 39057
Caption: And you think you have swine flu because … Weren't you listening, Doc? I've been all achy, my nose is running. Also, my head feels like it's stuck in a tailpipe. Could be just a cold. Yeah, but when I tried to eat a ham sandwich I was overcome with a profound sense of shame. Leave the diagnoses to the professionals. Is this gray spot on the tip of my hair cancerous?
     
144. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-30 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-30 Pub. Date: 2009-09-30
Image Number: 39055
Caption: I have no sick days left. I'm barely making it, Susan. I can't afford to get sick. Achoof. Was that a sneeze? Allergies. Besides, you're sick more than I am. That's 'cause you're a carrier! Carriers never get sick themselves. That's how a third of Europe died, 'cause one guy let a plague carrier into his apartment! ... Probably an ancestor of yours. They had apartments back then?
     
145. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-11 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-11 Pub. Date: 2009-09-11
Image Number: 38145
Caption: Therapy's a rip-off! You're not telling me anything useful about me! Like what? I don't know, like maybe I feel responsible for my dad having run out on us, so I've been PUNISHING myself ever since. And maybe instead of staying with Roxanne because I'm a good man, I'm staying to atone for my misplaced guilt ... ... And the first step in curing my guilt is to realize it's ok to leave Roxanne. Y'know, something USEFUL like THAT. That'll be $100.
     
146. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-04 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-04 Pub. Date: 2009-09-04
Image Number: 38001
Caption: I ain't never told nobody this, Big L, but … one time … I wanted to kill myself too. (Sniffle) you did? Yeh, an' it was over a woman. She was e'rething to me. When she left, it was like my world got ripped away from me. I was empty. I didn't know who I was no more. But you know what kept me going? Grand larceny? YEAH! See you gotta just remember what you good at, an' do it!
     
147. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-27 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-27 Pub. Date: 2009-08-27
Image Number: 37758
Caption: What exactly do you see in Macpink? Dick Fink. Whatever. He knows just what to do. One time at work, he was on the phone with a friend and I was trying to talk to him about something urgent but he ignored me. Just before I left, he stroked my hair. Then he ignored me again. Oh, I see. So what you're saying is HE'S A COMPLETE #$*@%! OH, yeah. AAAAAAAH!!
     
148. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-05-18 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-05-18 Pub. Date: 2009-05-18
Image Number: 33640
Caption: Hello Momma, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm an awful son who always forgets Mother's Day. Please leave a guilt trip after the tone, and I'll get back to you when I've become a better man. Beep.
     
149. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-09 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-09 Pub. Date: 2009-04-09
Image Number: 31471
Caption: Hello, You've reached Feudalbanc Massacard. If you're calling to ask why we gave our CEO a $35 million bonus even though we're almost bankrupt, say "one." If you're falling off a cliff and want to know if you can afford to call an ambulance, say "two." Two. We have to pay absurd bonuses to keep the people who wrecked the company from leaving. "Two"! I said "Two"!
     
150. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-03-19 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-03-19 Pub. Date: 2009-03-19
Image Number: 30976
Caption: You don't have to tell me these lies to break Roxanne and me up. I was gonna leave her anyway. Say what? Soon as I got that promotion, I knew I had a chance at last. I went to a lawyer… I'm here to sue for custody. I KNEW IT! GET MY LYING WIFE ON THE PHONE!!! ...And then I went to a different lawyer.
     
151. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-12 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-12 Pub. Date: 2009-01-12
Image Number: 29373
Caption: Excuse me, I just have this feeling you're the man I want to see. I wish to purchase a miracle. I wish to purchase something I haven't even dared dream about since I was a boy - something I never believed I would live to see. Whachawant, old man? I got watches, I got a left sock, I got inauguration tickets... Thug 4 Life. I thought it was pretty clear I was inquiring about the tickets. Never underestimate a good left sock.
     
152. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-05 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-05 Pub. Date: 2008-11-05
Image Number: 27820
Caption: The Starbucks at the end of the world. Refuge for the lost and abandoned. You say you abandoned your wife and son? Yeah, but that don't explain why I been here the last thirty-some years. I think it does. Your son lost you, but you lost much more. Who we are lives on through our kids. But you left. You lost your legacy. You lost immortality. That's deep. I thought so. Deeply stupid.
     
153. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-11-01 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-11-01 Pub. Date: 2008-11-01
Image Number: 27643
Caption: So John McCain never left you behind in Vietnam? No. I came here of my own accord after the divorce. I caught him in bed with dishonor. Embracing those who had attacked his wife and baby. Implying his opponent was a terrorist-sympathizer with inappropriate thoughts about kindergarteners. Spending the entire month of September approving campaign ads that blatantly lied. Letting his running mate incite hate at her rallies. So, I divorced him. I became a salmon, swimming upstream to the place where I was born. I take it you got custody of the metaphors. Let me know when you decide to rant, and I'll come over and interrupt.
     
154. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-23 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-23 Pub. Date: 2008-10-23
Image Number: 27503
Caption: Tell me something, Brown. Zzzz- mumbllo? Have you ever pretended to be an intrepid, death-defying reporter for so long that you'd forgotten it was a pretense and lost yourself in the role? And have you ever woken up in a cold sweat, longing to snatch a quivering, helpless story from the jaws of death itself? Um... Where'd everyone else go? They left for some reason.
     
155. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-20 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-20 Pub. Date: 2008-10-20
Image Number: 27500
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal Day 15: Boat stopped so we could waste film on a tourist attraction. Authentic Fisherman. Rookies. Nerves causing dumb mistakes. Oh snap! I only have one shot left! At this rate, we'll never rescue McCain's honor from that camp upriver. Can't waste. Must... stay... till I can get perfect shot. Maybe animatronic fish glinting in sunset. Or maybe... (Click). What the @#$%?! I told you not to stop the boat.
     
156. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-02 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-02 Pub. Date: 2008-10-02
Image Number: 27047
Caption: Media bootcamp for embedded journalists. Sir, I-- "SERGEANT," NOT "SIR," EMBED! Sorry. Sergeant, what do I do if a soldier demands to know what I'm writing about him or her? You do THIS! GET UP, EMBED! PAIN IS JUST FEAR LEAVING THE BODY! Can… I... quote... you...
     
157. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-08-28 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-08-28 Pub. Date: 2008-08-28
Image Number: 26240
Caption: Clyde, I… I don't think I WANT to ask Roxanne for a DNA test. What if Lionel isn't really my son? What if that guy in there is his real father? What if he's not good to Lionel -- leaves him just like my dad left me? You got any corn nuts? Do you mind? I'm in the middle of a touchingly anguished father/son soliloquy here! So... You ain't got no corn nuts?
     
158. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-31 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-31 Pub. Date: 2008-07-31
Image Number: 25420
Caption: So where's Lemont? Your father wanted me to invite him to the cabin. Lemont… Sniff… Lemont… Oh, Saxon! Lemont left me! Say what? Well, I'd just made reservations at my fave restaurant… …When he said something about some escaped terrorist hunting him and about having to disappear for a while. What?! That's horrible! I know! I had to dine alone. Can you imagine?
     
159. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-07-16 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-07-16 Pub. Date: 2008-07-16
Image Number: 24975
Caption: You can't possibly know I'm not supposed to be here yet. My job is to know. Yeah? Well tell me, why don't I want to leave? 'cause ev'rybody has to come here. You think you'll 'ventually meet yo' long-lost daddy. Lucky guess, ok. I learned to shave by-- Watching The "Cosby Show." Ok. That's enou-- You got a mole on your- THAT'S ENOUGH!
     
160. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-06-25 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-06-25 Pub. Date: 2008-06-25
Image Number: 24479
Caption: You dingbat! Where's my dinner?! I'm leavin' you, Arch. WHAT?! Nobody was buyin' my "Obama's wife called people 'Whitey'" product, so the boss fired me! It ain't my fault, Edith! The Archie I married woulda walked into that factory and said, "You can't fire me, I been manufacturing fear since before you was born!" Edith, my stomach is growlin' here. Goodbye... stranger.
     
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