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Candorville

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-20 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-20 Pub. Date: 2016-05-20
Image Number: 143336
Caption: Prince visits Lemont's dream. Where are you going? To meet her. Who? The maker. "The maker" is a "her"? Of course she is. Females are better teachers because they're better listeners … and I've still got so much left to say.
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-14 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-14 Pub. Date: 2016-05-14
Image Number: 143026
Caption: Hello, you've reached the home of Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because the caller ID says "blocked ID," and I'm annoyed with the fact that you know who I am, but I don’t know who you are. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I feel like talking to someone who like to have other people at a disadvantage. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-01).
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-24 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-24 Pub. Date: 2016-04-24
Image Number: 141854
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump to warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system, they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-18 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-18 Pub. Date: 2016-04-18
Image Number: 142112
Caption: I'm interviewing Hillary Clinton tonight, but I can't find my phone. Did I leave it at your place, Clyde? Yeh. But don't worry, I handled business for you, bruh. What's that mean? Some fool named "Pulitzer" called you, said you won somethin'. I told him to save that scam for someone who don't know better, an' I insulted his momma for you.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-11 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-11 Pub. Date: 2016-02-11
Image Number: 138874
Caption: Dick, when I got to work today, everything in my office had been moved a few inches to the left. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? Advertising Executive of the Year. 2006. I don't know what you mean, Ms. Garcia. You sound like you're imagining things. Maybe you need to take some time off. I could take over your client list while you're recuperating. Just to help out. No thanks, Dick. I'll be fine. You're excused. You sure? I could book you a relaxing cruise to Syria.
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-08 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-08 Pub. Date: 2016-02-08
Image Number: 138871
Caption: Well, that was an interesting double date, Lemont. We should do it again sometime. Only next time, maybe your date could actually show up in person, you could leave Skype and the helicopter drone at home, and the evening could end with less blood and stitches. You're never going to let me live that one down, are you? We'll be talking about it in the nursing home.
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-24 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-24 Pub. Date: 2016-01-24
Image Number: 137727
Caption: I told my wife all about us, Jenny, and she left me. That means we can finally be together, like we wanted. All the things we dreamed about over Facebook can finally come true. We can finally take that long walk along the beach … make love under the night sky on a bed of roses ... dress like big teddy bears and mud-wrestle ... All the beautiful things that we alone dared to dream are finally about to happen, Jenny. No ... this isn't Robert ... No ... this isn't Sam ... Jenny, are you joking with m -- No, this isn't Randy ...
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-19 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-19 Pub. Date: 2016-01-19
Image Number: 137945
Caption: How long you gonna be here, Big L. Oh, I don't know … If my son and I are in your way, we can leave: Even though it's 40-below outside … and even though you come over to my place ALL THE TIME whether I'm home or not. If you want us to leave, Clyde, just say the word. The word. NOT LEAVING!!!
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-16 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-16 Pub. Date: 2016-01-16
Image Number: 137668
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out on a date with a girl other than the one you keep trying to set me up with. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as she's broken my heart and I'm ready to come to my senses.
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-09 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-09 Pub. Date: 2016-01-09
Image Number: 137380
Caption: Scuse me, you know how to get to west 73rd street. Yeah. Take the 409 east to Slauson, go straight past that fool Dwayne on the corner … Hang a left, another left … two more lefts … … Get back on the 409 west, exit on Florence, go two blocks and you're there. Need me to write that down? Y'know, it's okay to say "I don't know." (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-12-16).
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-01-03 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-01-03 Pub. Date: 2016-01-03
Image Number: 136827
Caption: I get tired of everything, doc. And I mean EVERYTHING. Dr. Noodle. I used to love classical music, but now I can't stand it. I got tired of my wife and kids, so I left and found a new wife and had new kids. Then I got tired of them and tried going back to the old ones. But there was a new guy there. So I tried going back to the new ones, but they told me to get lost. I got tired of DirectTV so I switched to Dish Network. Let's go back to your wife and kids. Unless you're tired of that topic. I think I'd like to try a new therapist.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-13 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131897
Caption: Whutsis? This is your wake-up call. Very few people are actually excited to see you. Most people could take you or leave you. Saywhat now? Even people who kind of like you don't really trust you. Wrong number … You're just lucky people are more tired of your enemies than they are of you. Most people never want to hear the words "Benghazi" or "email server" again in life. You have the wrong number!!!
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-18 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-18 Pub. Date: 2015-08-18
Image Number: 131275
Caption: I don't see why you wanna buy a house, Big L. Because that's how families build wealth. I want to own something I could leave to my son that'll change his life. Yeh, but then you gotta sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. I have more faith in my son than that, Clyde. Make sure you write a living will, is all I'm sayin'.
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-05 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-05 Pub. Date: 2015-07-05
Image Number: 128670
Caption: But if you just watch. I ain't wanna talk about this, Big L. But why can't we talk about it? 'Cause there only so many words we get to hear an' say before we die. The average person say 370,110,001 words in his lifetime, bruh. Way I see it, I ain't got but 180,000,000 left. I ain't gonna waste nary a one of them on that corny @*$%. Besides, Star Track Next Generation been off the air 20 years now, bruh. I'm just saying, once you notice Worf doesn't have any ears, you can't ever unnotice it.
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-28 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-28 Pub. Date: 2015-06-28
Image Number: 128375
Caption: Hello Concast Cable? This is Lemont Brown. I'd like you to stop calling me. You don't really want that. Yes, I do. Stop trying to get me back. It's over. It's satellite … isn't it? I could give you more than satellite gives you … just give me a chance. No, its not ... Listen, it's not you, it's not satellite. A couple years ago, I discovered Roku. And all of a sudden, Roku gave me Netflix, and Hulu, and Crackle on my tv ... and all of a sudden I had what I never knew I'd been missing. So you see, it's not you, Concast ... it's me. You're just saying that. Yeah. I am. it IS you. You and your stupid van and your smug attitude and your crazy hidden fees. It would be a shame if I were to raise your broadband bill and then you couldn't afford to stream Netflix. See? This! This is exactly the sort of thing that made me leave you!
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-06-06 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-06-06 Pub. Date: 2015-06-06
Image Number: 127780
Caption: Hello, mom, you've reached Lemont Brown. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm busy being too permissive with my child, which as you say will lead him to a life of crime. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done panhandling for his future bail money. (This cartoon was originally published on 2013-04-27).
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-31 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-31 Pub. Date: 2015-05-31
Image Number: 127170
Caption: Rriiing! Whachoowant? Hi, I'm calling from the Mahatm … We ain't want none of whatever you sellin'. Take us off yo' list, fool. You might want this: It's about a series of articles you published last year. Call from (555) 555-1234. I'm calling from the MG Center for Justice and Human Rights. Whachy'all be sellin'? What? No, I'm calling to say congratulations, you've won this year's Mahatma Gandhi award for journalism, for you ... Whatever. We ain't want none of whatever it is. Goodbye. Boop. This end up. Did I leave my phone over here? I got rid of some telemarketer for you, bruh. You owe me $2 for my services.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-21 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-21 Pub. Date: 2015-05-21
Image Number: 127174
Caption: Erethang come an' go, Big L. Ain't nothin' forever. Good looks come an' go. Youth come an' go. Money come an' go. In the end, we all - every last one of us - be left with none of that. I'll say it again. Do you have my wallet, Clyde? All y'all wanna do is fight the inevitable.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-20 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-20 Pub. Date: 2015-03-20
Image Number: 124248
Caption: Where do babieth come fwom? Well, it's simple, son. You've heard of men? Uh huh. And women? Uh huh. Well, when men and women have relations, each of them contributes 23 chromosomes that combine to form a diploid cell that becomes a blastocyst, which undergoes a multi-phase gestation until it's ready to leave the womb. Babies come from the hospital. Oh.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-09 left you 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-09 Pub. Date: 2015-03-09
Image Number: 123668
Caption: My wife keeps trying to get me to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop yelling at the kids … stop forgetting her birthday, stop insulting her mother, and stop leaving the seat up. So I told her "If you really love someone, you don't try to fundamentally transform them." And what'd she say? She said I could fundamentally transform the couch into my bed.
     
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