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Candorville

Comics about kids and kidding.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-26 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-26 Pub. Date: 2019-05-26
Image Number: 177771
Caption: One of my readers asked me Why do I sense such anger in you? What'd you say? I said That's probably because I'm not a sociopath. I said When people die because they can't afford health insurance, I care. When we tell kids they're nothing without college and then saddle them with loans they can never repay ... I care. When people figure out all sorts of ways to keep black people from voting, I care ... When poor people are being lied to about whether their water is safe to drink, I care. When our President separates toddlers and babies from their asylum-seeking mothers for months, I care. And because I care, I'm angered. I bet being a sociopath is relaxing. I'll relax when there's not more police brutality. Shut up, I'm trying to relax.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-23 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-23 Pub. Date: 2019-05-23
Image Number: 177719
Caption: It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. Mad in Montauk, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java .Net Cybercafe. My husband and I are getting divorced, and it's gotten bitter and angry. The problem is, we have 43 mutual friends on Facebook, and he's being do unreasonable about which ones are rightly his. You're arguing over custody of your Facebook friends? What the @#$% is wrong with you people?! Obviously they're all yours. Everyone knows it's usually the woman who created the friendships in the first place. Also, I should get the kids, right?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-11 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-11 Pub. Date: 2019-05-11
Image Number: 177533
Caption: You wanna come to my boy's soccer game, Clyde? Depends, bruh. When them little kids kick him the ball, do he still wander off, sit down, an' pick dandelions? That was last month. He's gotten a lot better since then. When the coach tell him to play goalie, an' the kids be runnin' at 'im ... Do he still wet hisself? That was just a phase. Too bad. That !@#$ was entertaining.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-10 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-10 Pub. Date: 2019-05-10
Image Number: 177532
Caption: What happened, bruh? When we was kids, most we had to worry about was someone had a knife. Didn't nobody bring guns to preschool an' terrorize little kids, Big L. We even had massive gang wars on campus in high school, an' not one person got shot. Ah … the good old days. In my day, we had to wait 'til we was walkin' home to get shot at.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-09 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-09 Pub. Date: 2019-05-09
Image Number: 177531
Caption: Do you understand now why I never want to have kids, Lemont? You hate kids. No, I love them. And I don't want them living in a world where they have to be taught what to do in case of an active shooter. It's not the world, Susan. It's America. You could move to lots of places where school shootings don't happen. Well ... can I move to someplace that won't be affected by climate change? It's ok to admit you just don't like kids.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-08 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-08 Pub. Date: 2019-05-08
Image Number: 177530
Caption: So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-19 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-19 Pub. Date: 2019-04-19
Image Number: 177224
Caption: Do you think I'm losing it, Susan? No, Lemont. I mean sure, you're not as philosophical as you were when we were kids … and you seem a lot grumpier … and you lose things a lot more … and you tell me stories I've heard before … but it's super premature to worry that you're going senile ... Still, you might want to get checked out. I was talking about my sex appeal.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-30 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-30 Pub. Date: 2019-03-30
Image Number: 176944
Caption: What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a man ordering coffee before? Best. Dad. Ever. I'll also have a raspberry muffin. What? Reason #7 not to have kids.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-28 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-28 Pub. Date: 2019-03-28
Image Number: 176942
Caption: Your article about the electoral college was riddled with inaccuracies. You mean my humor column? The electoral college not a for-profit, fake real estate training program started by James and Ivanka Madison to defraud people out of their life savings. It was a joke. And Hollywood actors and rich CEOs did not bribe people to get their spoiled kids into the electoral college. It was a joke. (Sigh) People always get extra-literal when their worldview is challenged. We're talking about my view of the electoral college, not of the world.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-24 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-24 Pub. Date: 2019-03-24
Image Number: 176623
Caption: I liked your latest article, The Living Chain of History. Thanks. When I was a kid, I met the last person who ever interviewed a slave. That slave's grandfather was Thomas Jefferson's slave. That means I spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with Thomas Jefferson. I'm only three spokes removed from a conversation with one of America's Founding Fathers. That's why you wrote No wonder we do all this horrible !@#$? Our society couldn't be more than $600 spokes removed from cavemen.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-12 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-12 Pub. Date: 2019-03-12
Image Number: 176725
Caption: My son asked me what my favorite number is. I thought Who has a favorite number? Then I remembered, I did. When I was a kid, I loved the number eight, because it reminded me of infinity. Nuh-uh, Big L. You tol' me you loved it 'cause it was the only number that reminded you of food. You sure? i remember being a much more profound kid.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-09 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-09 Pub. Date: 2019-03-09
Image Number: 176629
Caption: I've been reporting on people for half my life, now, Clyde. You mean snitchin'. What're you talking about? It's totally different. You ain't tellin' on people? Only thing people hate more than the kid who steal a cookie is the tattletale that come runnin' an' smilin' to tell on him. What did you do? Don't change the subject.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-25 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-25 Pub. Date: 2018-12-25
Image Number: 175585
Caption: My little boy was so happy when he woke up and saw all those gift-wrapped boxes with his name on them under the tree. Totally unrelated topic: Did you know that a lot of well-known concepts are lies? Like an apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's a lie ... and that thing about little kids not even caring if there's a toy ... and just being happy to play with empty boxes. That's a lie too. Dios mio, Lemont.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-24 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-24 Pub. Date: 2018-12-24
Image Number: 175584
Caption: Hey mister, is Santa Claus real? Sorry, kid … I'm not supposed to talk about it. It's a rule. I'm supposed to tell you you have to ask your parents. It's rule 547,983 in the handbook they give you when you become a grownup. But YOU would know better than them. I know an elf when I see one. Santa Claus is a lie.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-23 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-23 Pub. Date: 2018-12-23
Image Number: 175261
Caption: Online shopping has ruined everything. The mall just laid me off to cut costs. Really? It's going to ruin Christmas. I was the mall Santa. Now where are the tiny kids and babies going to go to sit on a stranger's lap and tell him what they want under their tree? Where are they going to go to hear a man who'll say ho ho ho? Who'll pat them on the head? Who'll tell them to stop begging for handouts? Who'll tell them to stop crying, get a job, and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps? You sure they laid you off because of online shopping? Who's going to give them a copy of The Art of the Deal and send them on their way?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-18 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-18 Pub. Date: 2018-11-18
Image Number: 174714
Caption: It all started when I was a tiny kid. My grandpa made me get up on stage at the family reunion and sing. Dr. Noodle. He'd really built me up. Told everyone how great a singer I was. But when I looked out at the crowd of 200 or 300 people who were strangers to me ... I froze. The room was completely quiet and I saw 200 or 300 sets of eyes staring at me. Burrowing into my soul and holding me in contempt. I forgot all the words. I started to cry. And then I wet myself. The first step toward overcoming shyness is crawling out from beneath my couch. Never!!!
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-01 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-01 Pub. Date: 2018-11-01
Image Number: 174718
Caption: I'll tell you one thing, Susan, this is not the country I thought it was. When we were kids, I thought all the bad, unfair, horrible things were all in the past. I thought Martin Luther King, Jr., the Beatles, Muhammad Ali and Mr. Rogers came along and made it all better. I want my son to have the same tragically wrong illusions. It makes for a happy childhood. I still don't think you should cryogenically freeze him and they him out when all the crazy stops. I'm just researching whether it's possible. I haven't decided.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-26 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-26 Pub. Date: 2018-09-26
Image Number: 174193
Caption: Why don't you like kids, Susan? I don't know. Maybe it's just that I don't like double standards. For instance … if a grown person ran from room to room naked, yelling booga-booga over and over again, he'd be locked up. But if a kid does it, it's magically ok? Seriously? 36 years later, you still won't let me live that down? You ruined my whole first holy communion.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-19 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-19 Pub. Date: 2018-09-19
Image Number: 174074
Caption: Clyde, you notice all that ash outside? That's because of that wildfire raging 50 miles away. I don't recall having massive wildfires all the time when I was a kid. 'Course not. You was always inside watching tv. If they didn't mention it on The Love Boat, you didn't know @#$ about it. I watched the news, too. Don't remind me. You was the only six-year-old came to Halloween dressed like Ted Koppel.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-21 kid 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-21 Pub. Date: 2018-08-21
Image Number: 173655
Caption: … So I kept crawling through the air duct, searching for a vent that'd lead me to a refugee in one of the President's baby jails. But every vent led to a different moment in time and space. A different atrocity. Air ducts sprawled and twisted and meandered in every direction. For miles. Maybe farther. My phone had long since died, and so there was no light. I was alone. I was lost. I almost gave up. But then, a whisper from somewhere in the void echoed along the cold metal ducts. t said Be still And listen of the cried of the child. Yeah, right. Since when do tiny kids cry when total strangers rip them from their parents? What? They had to have been coached. Bus.
     
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