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Candorville

Comics about jobs and jobbing.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-04 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-04 Pub. Date: 2019-12-04
Image Number: 180643
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I met a guy who said he's a professional illustrator. He said he learned everything he knows from drawing tutorials on YouTube. I said cool. So what's your job, exactly? He looked at me like I was nuts and then said I draw drawing tutorials on YouTube, of course. I think you've officially entered your old man yelling at clouds phase. Either the world's gone mad, or I have.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-12 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-12 Pub. Date: 2019-11-12
Image Number: 180299
Caption: 1982. Momma says I should be a teacher when I grow up. I said I want to be a writer, and she said 40 years from now, nobody's gonna read.. I said I want to be an astronaut, and she said we already did the moon, and 40 years from now, NASA's gonna be out of a business. Why a teacher, though? Momma said The one thing we know people will still be doing in 40 years is making kids. So I asked her how they make kids. That's when she said I should be an astronaut. My mama can never make up her mind either.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-26 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-26 Pub. Date: 2019-10-26
Image Number: 180025
Caption: I don't understand what you were doing at the Trump press conference. I'm a journalist. It's my job to be there … even though he got rid of actual press conferences and just stands in front of a loud helicopter so he can pretend not to hear our questions. No, I meant I don't understand why you kept revving that motorcycle every time he answered. Two can play at that game, Susan. Dios mio.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-29 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-29 Pub. Date: 2019-09-29
Image Number: 179616
Caption: I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman Republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped working for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years later, he adventured across the world on the back of Tito, the last living woolly mammoth. That's when he met Buddha, who took credit for Randius' motto: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. I just meant I felt like taking a nap.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-27 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-27 Pub. Date: 2019-09-27
Image Number: 179621
Caption: I left the Chronicle years ago to start my own site. But now they want me to collaborate with them on a story. The questions is: Do you think you'd be moving backward? What're you talkin -- I didn't ask if you though I'd be moving backward. Are you wearing earbuds? Um ... Do you often imagine people are wearing earbuds?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-26 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-26 Pub. Date: 2019-09-26
Image Number: 179620
Caption: I got a job offer outta nowhere, bruh. That's funny, so did I. My old editor wants me to … Uh-uh! No. That ain't how this work. What's the matter with you? First I finish my story, then you get to tell your story. A conversation be like merging traffic. First I go, then you go. Never mind. This why they revoked your license. They revoked it because you tried to use it. That's not important right now.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-17 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-17 Pub. Date: 2019-09-17
Image Number: 179499
Caption: Sir, I demand you let me fire Dick Fink. He's condescending, slovenly, forgetful, always late, and I'm fairly sure he's made two attempts on my life. You have to learn to tolerate people who are different from you, Garcia. He's blackmailing you, isn't he. I've never even heard of Vegas and I deny everything.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-01 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-01 Pub. Date: 2019-09-01
Image Number: 179190
Caption: I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal You're the disease, and I'm the cure. Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said Consider that a divorce. Or like in They live, when just before he killed a bunch of evil aliens, Rowdy Roddy Piper said "I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick (butt) ... and I'm al out of bubblegum. Your task tonight is to generate six one-liners I can use whenever I squeeze unpaid work out of my employees. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. You're the rest, and I'm the bed. The kind with spikes on it ... See? That's awful. Fix that up and give me sixe more.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-24 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-24 Pub. Date: 2019-08-24
Image Number: 179098
Caption: Do you think you'll ever get tired of working for the TSA, Randy? Let me see, little buddy … Will I ever get tired of encountering some of the most interesting people in the world … like Beyonce, and Rihanna, and Emilia Clarke, and Amber Heard, and Jennifer Lawrence, and the rest ... and making sure their pat-downs are completely professional yet totally thorough? This is why I never fly anywhere anymore. As long as blood pumps through my veins, I will never tire of this job.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-17 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-17 Pub. Date: 2019-08-17
Image Number: 178999
Caption: Garcia, if you need birth-control pills for some medical reason, just tell us and maybe we'll change our minds about including it in your health insurance plan. Seriously? Of course. Tell us exactly what's going on with your lady parts, and then we'll make our decision. Pharmacy. Do you take Massacard?
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-16 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-16 Pub. Date: 2019-08-16
Image Number: 178998
Caption: I demand to appeal this to the other partners, Mr. Fitzhugh. You removing contraceptive coverage from my insurance is unacceptable. You earn six figures, Garcia. You can afford to buy your lady pills on your own. That's not the point. Health insurance is part of my compensation package. This is like you docking my pay. I expect to be paid in full for my hard work. Communist.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-15 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-15 Pub. Date: 2019-08-15
Image Number: 178997
Caption: Let me get this straight: You have a moral objection to covering birth-control pills, even though it's often prescribed for medical reasons. I shouldn't have to pay so that women can have sex without facing any consequences. But you don't have a problem covering Viagra and vasectomies ... even though Viagra only exists so that men can have sex, and vasectomies only exist so that men can have sex without consequences. That's different. men are supposed to sow their wild oats. Women aren't. Who do you think they're sowing oats with?!
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-14 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-14 Pub. Date: 2019-08-14
Image Number: 178996
Caption: I heard the boss switched out health insurance to a plan that doesn't cover lady pills. That's right, Dick. It doesn’t cover birth-control pills, IUDs or anything. Not true, Ms. Garcia. It still covers, Viagra, Cialis, vasectomies … anything a man desires. Are you gloating? Shake shake sh - Viagra. I wish I could chat, but I have a vasectomy at 2, followed by a vasectomy reversal at 4, and a vasectomy reversal-reversal at 6.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-13 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-13 Pub. Date: 2019-08-13
Image Number: 178995
Caption: Sir, why did you change my health insurance to a plan that doesn't cover contraceptives? President Trump issues a ruling allowing employers to refuse to cover any procedures that we disagree with either religiously or morally. And you have a moral objection to women controlling their own bodies? I have a moral objection to not saving a few bucks a month. Yayle. CEO of the year 2002.,
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-12 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-12 Pub. Date: 2019-08-12
Image Number: 178994
Caption: … So I replied What do you mean your charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those. And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness. Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-29 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-29 Pub. Date: 2019-07-29
Image Number: 178781
Caption: Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character. I thought my job depended on it. I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal. You said Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy ... that's just a figure of speech. You went on to say I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech. That was a figure of speech too.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-30 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-30 Pub. Date: 2019-06-30
Image Number: 178274
Caption: I'm unpoor! You're what? You're looking at an employed man. After seven years of unemployment, I just got a job at Walmart. It pays slightly more than minimum wage. Congrats. The first thing I'm going to do with my newfound wealth is buy a new pair of boxers. I haven't bought a new pair of boxers since 2012. America is great again, baby!
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-29 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-29 Pub. Date: 2019-06-29
Image Number: 178260
Caption: Have you ever thought of being a nun, Sadie? Of course. Years ago I dreamt of converting and becoming a cloistered nun. I thought it would be the one vocation that would take advantage of all my talents. But that was before I discovered that nuns being abusive, vindictive, soul-crushing harpies was just a stereotype. Besides, the vow of chastity would've put a serious hitch in my get-along. Conversation over now.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-02 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-02 Pub. Date: 2019-06-02
Image Number: 177793
Caption: I've noticed a 25.9% uptick in impeachment talk among the patrons. I hadn't noticed. I've also noticed your complete and utter failure to depict those talking about it as sore losers … As delusional, evil, insane cretins having temper tantrums. So what if my disgraced former lawyer says he bribed the city council on my behalf to forbid any cafes but mine within city limits? What about the phenomenal job growth I've caused? I now employ you, a Roomba and, allegedly, nine out of ten city council members. Now get out there and pit our patrons against one another by declaring this witch hunt to be an illegal coup. And remind them you can't impeach a cafe owner for creating a great underground economy. Very bad man.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-16 job 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-16 Pub. Date: 2019-04-16
Image Number: 177221
Caption: The worst part of being self-employed is you never get the thrill of a huge tax refund. That's why last year I paid twice as much estimated taxes as I was supposed to. Lemont … have you ever thought that maybe you need to work less and have more fun? The operative part of refund is fun. Dios mio.
     
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