Did you say we import our coffee beans from Chernobyl? Isn't that place a nuclear wasteland? That's culturally insensitive. Chernobyl is a beautiful land of glowing trees and three-headed mooses with raccoon tails. The brave and selfless tribe of hard-working grotesque mutants who hunt our coffee beans for us prefers "post-natural wilderness" to "nuclear wasteland." This is disgu -- Wait, what do you mean "hunt" our coffee beans? Don't get all bleeding-heart about it. The beans skittering around and chucking spears is no evidence they're sentient.
I hate Planned Parenthood. They're so evil. How so? They were caught on tape casually talking about stuff they deal with every single day. That means they're so used to what they do, that it doesn't make them tear up or feel sad to talk about it. Like if I ever get into a horrible car accident and my guts are everywhere, I want a doctor who's going to throw up when he sees it. That's the least a professional could do.