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Candorville

Comics about idiots.

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Result page:    2  Next  (31 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-23 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-23 Pub. Date: 2019-01-23
Image Number: 175942
Caption: Why you always arguin' with other journalists on Twitter, bruh? It ain't a good look. They call you a useful idiot, you call them a corporate stooge, don't nobody come out on top. Before you know it, you an' Anderson Blitzer gonna be throwin' hands, or havin' a dance-battle in that alley. Wait ... he and I were having a private argument. How'd you see it? That ain't important right now. Give me back my phone!!!
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-07 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-07 Pub. Date: 2018-05-07
Image Number: 171289
Caption: How do we know we're the first advanced civilization to ever walk the earth? We think fossil records teach us all we need to know about the history of life on earth. But the only creatures to get fossilized were the ones dumb enough to get stuck in the mud. If there was a civilization smart enough to say Hey, don't lie down in that muck pit, you idiot, we'd never even know they existed. If they were so smart, how come they all disappeared? Maybe they saw us coming.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-19 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-19 Pub. Date: 2017-07-19
Image Number: 160503
Caption: So … what do your lovers call you? Lover. He calls me "Vancouver." I call him "Candorville." He's so cute. And so hot. He's sensitive, and confident, and charming. And vulnerable, like a wounded condor. No man's ever gotten me like he does. Oh, gosh. Look at me. I've been talking about Lemont all night. Check? Susan? It's Lemont. Oh, fine. You? ... Oh, that's good. Listen, I just accused Vancouver of cheating on me, and confronted her with the video you sent me. Didn't you say you watched the video? ... No? ... Oh. ... You sure? ... Oh. ... Yes, of course I watched it first. I'm not a complete idiot.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-13 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-13 Pub. Date: 2017-01-13
Image Number: 153090
Caption: Lemont Brown's "Writer's Credo" page 12. #47: This, I believe: Nothing ends. Every "ending" - even DEATH - is the starting point for an infinite number of stories. #48: This, I believe" The studio that rejected my screenplay for "Casablanca 2" is an idiot.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-12-18 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-12-18 Pub. Date: 2016-12-18
Image Number: 151614
Caption: I wish I could fly, Big L. I know what you mean. Ever since I donned my first pair of underoos, I wanted to fly too. But the older I get, the more I realize it's not all it's cracked up to be. First of all, there's all the stuff in the air you'd crash into: birds, helicopters, jets, drones, power lines ... Then there are all the idiots who'd take a shot at you. And if you flew high enough to avoid all that, you'd freeze your nuggets off. Flying's one of those powers you think would be cool, but really wouldn't be. Like invisibility. I don't know what you talkin' about, bruh. I just meant I'm on the no-fly list. If you were an invisible hero, people would still see your clothes. You'd have to fight crime naked.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-26 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-26 Pub. Date: 2015-09-26
Image Number: 132817
Caption: "Global warming" is just another NASA scam, babe. They must think we're idiots. There's proof it's warming. I'm not talking about the "warming" part, I'm talking about the "globe" nonsense. There's no evidence at all the earth is round. Only a handful of people have ever seen the earth as a "sphere," and they all work for a government agency. We're supposed to just take their word for it? That's idiotic! Just go to the beach and watch a ship sail over the horizon! How much is NASA paying you?
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-03 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-03 Pub. Date: 2015-05-03
Image Number: 125860
Caption: Dear idiot … I am offended by your article from last week where you made fun of those who say we never actually went to the moon. It's tools like you who make it easy for NASA to go on lying to the world and covering up the truth. Maybe if you did a little more research on YouTube, you'd be able to open your eyes to the fact that the moon doesn't actually exist. Worlds the size of Earth shouldn't have satellites at all, let alone one bigger than Pluto. Some people should never wander away from YouTube's "cute kitten" area. There's evidence it's a giant, empty, ancient spaceship that ran out of fuel long ago.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-04-26 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-04-26 Pub. Date: 2015-04-26
Image Number: 125568
Caption: Anyone who thinks we ever really went to the moon is a complete idiot. Youtube has tons of videos on this. Humans couldn't possibly have survived a trip through the Van Allen Radiation Belt. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. According to Dr. Van Allen himself, the notion that radiation should've killed those astronauts is "nonsense." Well how come we can't see the astronauts' footprints? That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Not true. Other countries have snapped pictures of the landing sites, and just a few years ago the lunar reconnaissance orbiter took photos of the footprints. There were no stars in the old films. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. The exposure settings were calibrated to get good shots of the extremely bright lunar surface. They couldn't do that and capture the relatively dim stars at the same time. You moon-landing-ists have an answer for everything. That's proof it was all a conspiracy. Thousands of people could never keep a secret that big for 46 years! That's what they want you to think.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-26 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-26 Pub. Date: 2015-03-26
Image Number: 124644
Caption: If you could go back in time ten years, but you couldn't come back, and you would not be ten years younger … would you do it? Only if I were an idiot. But if you went into the past, you could invest wisely and get rich. Yeah, but I'd die ten years earlier. We may only be decades away from figuring out how to end aging, or how to upload our consciousness to immortal android bodies. If I die ten years early, I might miss out on that. You know that stuff would only be for rich people, right? I've got $8,000 in an IRA.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-16 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-16 Pub. Date: 2015-01-16
Image Number: 121388
Caption: Lemont Brown's "Writer's Credo" page 12. #47: This, I believe: NOTHING ENDS. Every "ending" - even DEATH - is the starting point for an infinite number of stories. #48: This, I believe: The studio that rejected my screenplay for "Casablanca 2" is an idiot.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-18 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-18 Pub. Date: 2014-05-18
Image Number: 110848
Caption: I got so burned the other week when I grabbed my Massacreforce 7 Sr-25 carbine sniper rifle and rushed to support that Cliven Bundy guy. I had no idea he'd turn out to be a big old racist who'd say that "negroes" are lazy, idle porch-sitter who were better off as slaves than they are receiving public assistance. What a fool! What an idiot! We should've used the official code words! You don't say "negroes," you say "inner city." You don't say blacks are lazy parasites who should learn to pick cotton again, you say "the inner city has an 'entitlement culture.'" It's much easier to pretend racism is over when racists aren't so indelicate about it.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-05-09 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-05-09 Pub. Date: 2014-05-09
Image Number: 111021
Caption: I feel the spell about to be broken, Rosencrantz. What? It's been a very good day. Nice breeze, good company. Thank you. That means something bad's about to happen. We must pay for every measure of pleasure with an equal amount of pain. I'm still not letting your thump me on the head with your shoe. Rosencrantz, don't be an idiot. Do you want something even worse to happen?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-22 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-22 Pub. Date: 2014-04-22
Image Number: 110444
Caption: Thanks for watching my son while I was working, Clyde. Whachoo talkin' 'bout? Is you sayin' you left your kid here for REAL? When you asked me this morning to watch him, I thought that was a April Fools' joke. APRIL FOOLS' IS ONLY ON APRIL 1ST! IDIOT!!! Don't be so hard on y'self. Sometimes I get dates mixed up too.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-05-03 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-05-03 Pub. Date: 2013-05-03
Image Number: 96490
Caption: I feel the spell about to be broken, Rosencrantz. What? It's been a very good day. Nice breeze, good company. Thank you. That means something bad's about to happen. We must pay for every measure of pleasure with an equal amount of pain. I'm still not letting you thump me on the head with your shoe. Rosencrantz, don't be an idiot. Do you want something even worse to happen? (Originally published 2011-07-29).
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-14 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-14 Pub. Date: 2012-10-14
Image Number: 88131
Caption: Dear Idiot ... I read your "article" about how it's more appropriate to call MIDDLE CLASS CONSUMERS "job creators," because job growth relies on consumer demand. I was EXTREMELY OFFENDED! Your headline was written in HELVETICA, the most heartless, totalitarian font in the world. It's totally devoid of the smooth and supple body of Garamond. Or the firm yet polite lines of Times New Roman. Must respond in COMIC SANS. A man who knows nothing about fonts clearly knows nothing about macro-economics. Buy Candorville books at www.candorville.com.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-12 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-12 Pub. Date: 2012-02-12
Image Number: 75766
Caption: Dear idiot … I read your latest blog post about how Obama's critics are "goofy" for acting as if Obama invented the concept of progressive taxation. You went on to cite all the progressive tax rates of the last 150 years … … and "pointed out" that the rates Obama wants are actually far less than what we had decades ago. It's awfully "goofy" of YOU to pretend something isn't radical and new just because it's been around forever. THE WHOLE COUNTRY NEEDS TO BE SLAPPED WITH A DICTIONARY. His plan to stick to progressive taxation is RADICAL and NEW, just like it as been ever since 1862.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-09 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-09 Pub. Date: 2011-11-09
Image Number: 72736
Caption: Dear Idiot, I just read your article about Herman Cain's sexual harassment "scandal." I think you just don't like him because he's a black republican, and liberals hate black republicans … because unlike black democrats, black republicans don't play the "racism" card. I see your email program doesn't have irony-check. Tap tap tap tap tap t - Bigot!!!
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-25 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-25 Pub. Date: 2011-10-25
Image Number: 67155
Caption: Closing Arguments. Your honor, there are many reasons to deny my client custody of his son. He's black and poor, the mother's white and rich. He hangs with thugs and nobodies, she hobnobs with the rich and politically connected. But your honor … My client knows all this. And he came here anyway, knowing all his flaws would be exposed and ridiculed! What does that tell you, your honor? That he's an idiot? That he's a moron? That he loves his son that much!
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-07-29 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-07-29 Pub. Date: 2011-07-29
Image Number: 63737
Caption: I feel the spell about to be broken, Rosencrantz. What? It's been a very good day. Nice breeze, good company. Thank you. That means something bad's about to happen. We must pay for every measure of pleasure with an equal amount of pain. I'm still not letting you thump me on the head with your shoe. Rosencrantz, don't be an idiot. Do you want something even worse to happen?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-07-25 idiot 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-07-25 Pub. Date: 2010-07-25
Image Number: 49785
Caption: Dear Dimwit … I just read your latest blog post about the executives at Behemoth Oil who keep saying the oil spill that flooded the whole city wasn't actually all that bad. You called them "liars." Where do you get off insulting people like that? You don't know them. Only a stupid moron with no real argument would resort to insults, you idiot. Irony isn't lost on this guy, it ran away. Is your whole family as dumb as you, or are you a mutant?
     
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