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Candorville

Comics about holidays.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-29 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-29 Pub. Date: 2019-12-29
Image Number: 180953
Caption: Why are we here, Michael? First doc, thank you for seeing me on New Years Eve. I'm having a crisis. There we were, sitting around the crackling fire, champagne in hand. We were roasting chestnuts. We were singing Auld Lang Syne. That's when the owners came home early. We jumped out the window but I'm pretty sure Vic left his hammer behind. I see. So you want to know if turning yourself in would make you feel better? I want you to tell anyone who asks, this therapy session began at 1 a.m.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-25 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-25 Pub. Date: 2019-12-25
Image Number: 180956
Caption: Rosencrantz, did you enjoy your Christmas gift? I chose it personally, months ago, because I knew it would suit you. What are you talking about? You didn't give me anything, Tyrone. Exactly. Therefore you won't shave to worry about it breaking or being stolen. I have given you freedom from worry. That is the greatest gift anyone can give. I want to exchange it.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-21 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-21 Pub. Date: 2019-12-21
Image Number: 180860
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said Merry Christmas yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke everyone who's upset about the so-called War on Christmas to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played Jingle Bells yet?
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-18 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-18 Pub. Date: 2019-12-18
Image Number: 180857
Caption: You've heard of Lena Horne. You've heard of Billie Holiday. But I bet you've never heard of Hazel Scott. She was one of the most talented and famous performers in the world for decades/ She refused to play in segregated clubs. She was a big-time civil rights activist. And she even testified in Congress and told Joe McCarthy's communist witch hunt committee they were immoral. I'm guessing that's where the story takes a turn ... America was a lot like Fox News back then.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-29 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-29 Pub. Date: 2019-11-29
Image Number: 180582
Caption: What am I going to do with all that leftover Thanksgiving turkey? Maybe I should donate some to a homeless shelter. Maybe I could donate it to a nursing home. Or maybe I'll just use it over the next couple weeks to feed my precious baby boy. Geez, Lemont ... I'm not the only one who took seconds. Sixths, Susan ... not that I was counting.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-28 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-28 Pub. Date: 2019-11-28
Image Number: 180581
Caption: Hi Momma, what time should we be there for Thanksgiving dinner? Well, we would be me, Lionel, Clyde and Susan. No, Momma, of course I didn't say Clyde! Mumbled it. Whachoomean they ain't no Thanksgiving this year? It's … a … pre leap-year related thing, Clyde.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-27 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-27 Pub. Date: 2019-11-27
Image Number: 180580
Caption: What do you mean you're gonna be all alone on Thanksgiving? Plans fell through, bruh. Erebody canceled. Peanut … Big Oatmeal … Clarence … I'd just chill wit' you at your momma house, but she think I'm a bad influence. She ain't never liked me. (Sigh) I've been telling you since we were eight, she did not poison your cranberry sauce. Your momma cold-blooded.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-26 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-26 Pub. Date: 2019-08-26
Image Number: 179191
Caption: Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? That was weeks ago. Exactly. A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date. A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion. Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels. A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-25 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-25 Pub. Date: 2018-12-25
Image Number: 175585
Caption: My little boy was so happy when he woke up and saw all those gift-wrapped boxes with his name on them under the tree. Totally unrelated topic: Did you know that a lot of well-known concepts are lies? Like an apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's a lie ... and that thing about little kids not even caring if there's a toy ... and just being happy to play with empty boxes. That's a lie too. Dios mio, Lemont.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-24 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-24 Pub. Date: 2018-12-24
Image Number: 175584
Caption: Hey mister, is Santa Claus real? Sorry, kid … I'm not supposed to talk about it. It's a rule. I'm supposed to tell you you have to ask your parents. It's rule 547,983 in the handbook they give you when you become a grownup. But YOU would know better than them. I know an elf when I see one. Santa Claus is a lie.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-23 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-23 Pub. Date: 2018-12-23
Image Number: 175261
Caption: Online shopping has ruined everything. The mall just laid me off to cut costs. Really? It's going to ruin Christmas. I was the mall Santa. Now where are the tiny kids and babies going to go to sit on a stranger's lap and tell him what they want under their tree? Where are they going to go to hear a man who'll say ho ho ho? Who'll pat them on the head? Who'll tell them to stop begging for handouts? Who'll tell them to stop crying, get a job, and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps? You sure they laid you off because of online shopping? Who's going to give them a copy of The Art of the Deal and send them on their way?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-21 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-21 Pub. Date: 2018-12-21
Image Number: 175483
Caption: I'm not buying any gifts this Christmas, Clyde. Say what? Buying someone a gift used to mean something. You used to have to go to the store and think about what they'd like. Now that you can just click a button on their Amazon Wish List, you don’t have to put any thought at all into it. It used to be the THOUGHT that counted. Now it's the THOUGHTLESS that counts. You broke, ain't you. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-05)
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-20 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-20 Pub. Date: 2018-12-20
Image Number: 175482
Caption: What should I get your two-year-old for Christmas, Big L? Lionel would love a bronze replica of the starship Defiant, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. You a bad father, Big L. I said what's he want? That IS what he wants! … Also an adult sized Captain Sisko uniform he can grow into. BAD father. (This cartoon was previously published on 2014-12-04)
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-11 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-11 Pub. Date: 2018-12-11
Image Number: 175376
Caption: I just downloaded your Christmas album. Good man. How on earth did you create that obscene rap battle between you and him? I mean, did he actually say those things … or did you hire a voice actor? Computers, bruh. I went through his must an' rearranged vowels an' consonants an' what not. Thank god. I'd hate to think Nat King Cole ever even knew those words. The video was harder to make.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-08 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-08 Pub. Date: 2018-12-08
Image Number: 175267
Caption: I'd really like it if just once I could enjoy the holidays. On Christmas, when we celebrate the birth of Christ, I can't help but be angry that Emperor Augustus deported the Bethlehemians. On Easter, when people celebrate the resurrection, I can't help but mourn all the people Rome crucified. Bethlehemians? Don't even get me started on Kwanzaa.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-07 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-07 Pub. Date: 2018-12-07
Image Number: 175266
Caption: I read your article about Thanksgiving. Great. I think it's shameful you would somehow find fault with the Pilgrims and the brave settlers who founded the greatest nation on earth. My family came over on a boat to forge a mighty and wonderful nation and I don't appreciate you badmouthing them. Your family came over on a boat? On it, under it ... same difference.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-06 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-06 Pub. Date: 2018-12-06
Image Number: 175265
Caption: I read your article about Thanksgiving. Yeah? Yeah. I think you're right that we should turn it from a day of celebration into a national day of mourning … when we reflect on the cultures and the millions of lives settlers destroyed when they founded this nation. I'm not sure about the name Mourngiving, though. I am.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-05 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-05 Pub. Date: 2018-12-05
Image Number: 175264
Caption: We forgot something at the Thanksgiving party the other week. Whachoo-mean? We forgot to not have one. It celebrates a false creation myth that we tell ourselves so we can forget that what really happened was a massive genocide. This is why we never let you say the toast, Lemont. There shouldn't have been a toast. I guess it a coincidence you only sayin' all this after you finally run out of leftovers.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-02 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-02 Pub. Date: 2018-12-02
Image Number: 174985
Caption: Big L, you want me to be Santa again for your boy this year? Let me think about that, Clyde … Last year, I woke up to find my two-year-old boy shocking a pigeon with a taser gun. He said Santa gave him the taser, said Don't tell your daddy, and then forgot to shut the window when he climbed down the fire escape. I tried mouth-to-mouth but the pigeon was long gone. I only had to spend nine days in jail for animal cruelty, but my boy was in therapy for four months. Not my fault. I told him to only use it for fishing. No I don't want you to be Santa this year!!!
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-25 holiday 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-25 Pub. Date: 2017-12-25
Image Number: 166533
Caption: Merry Christmas … Yeah, I said it. Put that in your secularist pipe and smoke it. #LOL! #Youlose. Bet that really gets you upset, doesn't it? Not really. I love Christmas. I'm having a Christmas party tonight. My little boy's going to be an elf. I'm going to be Rudolph the Reindeer. Yeah, right. Like I believe that ... Would you like to come? Yes ... I mean, someone has to prove your "party" is a ruse!
     
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