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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-26 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-26 Pub. Date: 2020-01-26
Image Number: 181363
Caption: The other day, my boy asked me if we could paint our toenails green. I said Sure, why not? without even thinking twice about it, and I painted his nails. Later that night, it occurred to me that in my day, that would've been unheard of, if I'd asked my pop to paint my toenails, he'd have accused me of being gay. And then it occurred to me, even the notion that it's an accusation is ancient history now. If someone said my boy was gay, I'd be like Ok. And? And then it occurred to me, there are millions of people in this country who still can't say And then it occurred to them, because they're all still stuck in the past. So did you paint your nails green too? @#$% no.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-13 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-13 Pub. Date: 2020-01-13
Image Number: 181258
Caption: That article you wrote about how we got to the brink of war with Iran was fake news! How so? You wrote it all started in 1953 when out CIA overthrew Iran's democratically elected leader and installed a dictator. That's preposterous! How so? Everyone knows history didn't even start in Iran until 1979.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-25 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-25 Pub. Date: 2019-11-25
Image Number: 180571
Caption: I can't stand it when black people whine about so-called racism. We live in a country where hundreds of thousands of white people died in a civil war to end slavery. How could people still think racism is a big part of this country in light of that history? Well, first of all ... didn't 260,000 of those Americans die trying to keep slavery? Ancient history. Has nothing to do with anything.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-08 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-08 Pub. Date: 2019-10-08
Image Number: 179805
Caption: Why does your site have a Breaking News report about something that happened a long time ago? Because our country has the attention span of a housefly, Susan. We ignore anything that isn't Breaking News. So … did you like my coverage of James Madison proposing the electoral college and the 315ths compromise as a way to make this United States thing acceptable to the slave states? Dios mio.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-30 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-30 Pub. Date: 2019-08-30
Image Number: 179195
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. it reminds me of the time in 1863 when grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field in Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General lee, and the rest is history. Um ... Ok ...
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-01 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-01 Pub. Date: 2019-08-01
Image Number: 178784
Caption: You're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! Brexit. I'm old enough to remember before the European Union existed. I witnesses its creation. It was historic. But now it's falling apart and if it does, well then what I witnessed wasn't all that historic after all. Way to make it all about you. It's like it was all just one big tease.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-24 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-24 Pub. Date: 2019-07-24
Image Number: 178671
Caption: I'm tired of people saying the President is racist for telling minority congresswomen to go back to the countries they came from. That was a week ago. It's ancient history. Get over it. What are you talking about? Out outrage over the President saying racist things doesn't just go away because of the tick of a clock ... like Cinderella's carriage turning back into a pumpkin. That reference is old and therefore meaningless.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-24 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-24 Pub. Date: 2019-03-24
Image Number: 176623
Caption: I liked your latest article, The Living Chain of History. Thanks. When I was a kid, I met the last person who ever interviewed a slave. That slave's grandfather was Thomas Jefferson's slave. That means I spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with someone who spoke with Thomas Jefferson. I'm only three spokes removed from a conversation with one of America's Founding Fathers. That's why you wrote No wonder we do all this horrible !@#$? Our society couldn't be more than $600 spokes removed from cavemen.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-10 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-10 Pub. Date: 2019-03-10
Image Number: 176423
Caption: First they came for Roseanne, and I said nothing because I wasn't a fan of her politics. Dr. Noodle. Then they came for Marvel director James Gunn, and I said nothing because I'm not really into superhero movies. Then, they came for Kevin Hart, and I said nothing because I'm more of a Chappelle fan. Then they came for one of my work friends, and I said nothing because, well ... maybe he brought it on himself. Then, they came for me. Not to self: Delete entire Twitter history ... and nobody said a word in my defense.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-15 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-15 Pub. Date: 2019-02-15
Image Number: 176285
Caption: You can't judge a man who lived long ago by today's standards. Why not? What - What do you mean why not? … Because … Well, everyone knows that. It's an axiom. One doesn't question an axiom. Why not? Stop that.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-14 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-14 Pub. Date: 2019-02-14
Image Number: 176284
Caption: I read your article. You wrote We should always be skeptical of the judgment of history's great people if they were ok with slavery. You're such an ignoramus. You can't judge people from the past by today's standards. Y'know, plenty of people in the past were not ok with slavery. Yeah, right. Like who? The slaves. They don't count. They were biased.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-12 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-12 Pub. Date: 2019-02-12
Image Number: 176282
Caption: I wrote about your hatred for Aristotle in my latest column. You did what? I asked Is a genius still a genius if he believed some people are just naturally inferior and should be slaves? Is it wrong to go on celebrating a person's contributions if that person turns out to be detestable? You didn't use my name in this article, did you? I'm pretty sure my article was the first time in history Aristotle appeared in the same sentence with R. Kelly.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-02-06 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-02-06 Pub. Date: 2019-02-06
Image Number: 176172
Caption: What was life really like in the Middle Ages, Sadie? A lot like today. There were a tiny handful of filthy rich feudal lords, and a huge mass of poor peasants who were too ignorant to see what was going on. What? No, I didn't really want to learn anything, I was just calling you old. Let's try again ... How did the sky over your house look after that asteroid wiped out all the dinosaurs? It looked brown. A lot like today.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-29 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-29 Pub. Date: 2019-01-29
Image Number: 176032
Caption: I'm sorry, Dick Fink. What was that you were saying about Aristotle? I was saying, he'd be a great spokesman for an ad campaign. You should pitch it to that big client you just landed. Smarty-smart genius brain academy? Exactly. What would impress them more than an entire campaign based on the wisest philosopher in history? Aristotle was a moron ... are you trying to sabotage me? You're scolding me. Aristotle said women were more apt to scold.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-07 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-07 Pub. Date: 2018-12-07
Image Number: 175266
Caption: I read your article about Thanksgiving. Great. I think it's shameful you would somehow find fault with the Pilgrims and the brave settlers who founded the greatest nation on earth. My family came over on a boat to forge a mighty and wonderful nation and I don't appreciate you badmouthing them. Your family came over on a boat? On it, under it ... same difference.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-06 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-06 Pub. Date: 2018-12-06
Image Number: 175265
Caption: I read your article about Thanksgiving. Yeah? Yeah. I think you're right that we should turn it from a day of celebration into a national day of mourning … when we reflect on the cultures and the millions of lives settlers destroyed when they founded this nation. I'm not sure about the name Mourngiving, though. I am.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-05 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-05 Pub. Date: 2018-12-05
Image Number: 175264
Caption: We forgot something at the Thanksgiving party the other week. Whachoo-mean? We forgot to not have one. It celebrates a false creation myth that we tell ourselves so we can forget that what really happened was a massive genocide. This is why we never let you say the toast, Lemont. There shouldn't have been a toast. I guess it a coincidence you only sayin' all this after you finally run out of leftovers.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-25 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-25 Pub. Date: 2018-11-25
Image Number: 174819
Caption: This is the Hallmark Channel. Tonight on the Andy Griffith Show, little Opie Taylor gets … recruited into the Nazi party, only here on the History Channel. But first, Ancient Aliens … were easily confirmed for lifetime appointments to the federal courts. Fox News reports that most senators ... were totally rubber stamps! ... You've been watching Top Ten Favorite Office Supplies. If you like our content, do all the Youtube things: Like, share, and ... set fire to the Reichstag, giving Hitler an excuse to demand almost-unlimited emergency powers. Despite the evidence, he blamed it on a devious liberal conspiracy to subvert ... Gilligan, Mary Ann, and the Skipper, too.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-11 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-11 Pub. Date: 2018-11-11
Image Number: 174713
Caption: How many people bought your new book, bruh? The Worlds Where They Never Stopped Minorities From Voting? So far it's doing well. I painstakingly went through every single election since ex-slaves won the right to vote … and matched polls and private journals with every recorded instance of voter suppression and every dirty trick from the moment reconstruction ended until today ... Several presidential races, dozens of Senate races, and hundreds of Congressional races would've turned out differently. Our nation's history would've been totally different if minorities were never robbed of their right to vote. It took me eighteen years of research and hard work to piece together alternate histories caused by each changed election outcome. Is there a alternate history where you done told me how many people bought your depressing book? It's doing well.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-22 history 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-22 Pub. Date: 2018-10-22
Image Number: 174600
Caption: They're purging voters in how many states? Way more than you'd think. As soon as the Republican Supreme Court ok'd it … every state with a history of discrimination at the polls started purging voters way more than usual. Those states purged millions of voters just before the 2016 election. It disproportionately impacted minorities. But I'm sure that part was just coincidence. I hate sarcasm Mondays.
     
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