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Candorville

Comics about hearts.

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-10 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-10 Pub. Date: 2011-09-10
Image Number: 65250
Caption: Remember Webster, from college? Yeah, how could I forget? He was really charming. Sasha Mitchell married him. I'm not surprised. She went after him pretty hard back then. She said when I didn't make a move on her back in college, it broker her heart, so she latched on to him because he was the complete opposite of me. Um ... What I meant to say was, he was so incredibly un-charming. Too late.
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-14 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-14 Pub. Date: 2011-08-14
Image Number: 64314
Caption: I know what you're saying: It's time for me to get out there again. Put myself back on the market … that I've been burned so many times, but that shouldn't cause me to build a wall around my heart and never let anyone in again. But, Susan, I … feel like it's just too soon. (A), It's been several months now, Lemont, and ... (B), "Stargate Universe" getting canceled isn't that big a deal. But this one was especially hard ... 'cause I thought it was going so well in the end. Maybe it was me. Maybe I didn't watch enough. No, Lemont, wait ... wait, yes ... oh ... Go get a girlfriend.
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-08-10 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-08-10 Pub. Date: 2011-08-10
Image Number: 64168
Caption: Why should the court grant you custody of your son? Because I love him with all my heart. That's all you said. That's all that matters. How 'bout "I have a great job, I'm ambitious, I'm responsible, I've already planned for his future, and here's all the proof"? That would've been good too.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-05-10 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-05-10 Pub. Date: 2011-05-10
Image Number: 60778
Caption: Osama Bin Laden visit's Lemont's dream. My triumph will burn in the minds of my people for 1,000 years. I struck at the heart of America to force it to end policies that caused the death and suffering of hundreds of thousands of Muslims. … and you started a war that caused the death and suffering of hundreds of thousands more Muslims. ... That's beside the point. People don't remember buffoons for 1,000 years, dude.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-03 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-03 Pub. Date: 2011-04-03
Image Number: 59018
Caption: Kelly called. She told me she was finally ready to be with me. She asked me to marry her. I told her "No, you've hurt me too much." and I hung up and swore I'd never answer another phone call from her again. She called dozens of times after that. I answered every time. She told me she was sorry for hurting me all year, and said she can't live without me. She was so in love with me. It broke down the wall I'd built around my heart, and I fell back in love with her. I told her I would consider marrying her if she could go six months without breaking my heart again. Then she didn't return any of my calls for two whole months. I swore I would NEVER, EVER answer another phone call from that woman again! Good! Today, she e-mailed me. I answered that because it wasn't a phone call. Fascinating.
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-30 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-30 Pub. Date: 2011-03-30
Image Number: 59014
Caption: Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but … When you told me you were fighting for joint custody of your son, I was a little disappointed. What? Why? Because, well, you never knew this; but back in college, when we were talking, I ... Well ... This is embarrassing ... I sorta hoped with all my heart that one day, I would be the one to give you a child. Is that why you carried around a teddy bear and called him "Lemont, Jr."? Is that why you made him Starfleet pajamas that matched mine? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THAT! I thought you were making fun of me.
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-31 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-31 Pub. Date: 2010-12-31
Image Number: 55686
Caption: Mr. Brown, I've heard every excuse under the moon when plaintiffs or defendants want a continuance. "Please, your honor, I need to find a better attorney." Or "Please, your excellency, I've got the smallpox." This judge is cold-blooded. "Woe is me, your honor, I'm having a heart attack."
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-12-07 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-12-07 Pub. Date: 2010-12-07
Image Number: 55011
Caption: Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Hi Lemont. You probably don't remember me. I lived in Freeborn Hall at UC Berkeley back in 1994. I just saw you on TV, at some panel discussion. And I thought "what a coincidence!" Just the other day, I came across a picture of you I'd kept all these years, of you working as a door monitor at Freeborn. I remember watching you write ... Dear Sasha, OF COURSE I remember you! I've been pining away for you for 16 years. I love you with all my heart and soul, and I want to have your children. Delete delete delete. Dear Sasha, OF COURSE I remember you! Tap tap tap tap tap. Delete delete delete. Dear Sasha, You seem vaguely familiar. Tap tap tap tap tap.
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-11-14 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-11-14 Pub. Date: 2010-11-14
Image Number: 53962
Caption: 1982. You see WHAT when you look at that cloud, Lemont? I see a star. Clouds are floating water. Water is two hydrogen atoms bonded to one oxygen atom. Hydrogen was the first molecule formed after the Big Bang, and it lived in the hearts of primordial stars. Those stars went supernova, and blew hydrogen and molecules and elements across the universe. Those elements coalesced to form everything in our solar system, including you, and me and the clouds. Even boogers? When I see a booger, I see a star.
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-08-05 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-08-05 Pub. Date: 2010-08-05
Image Number: 50407
Caption: Minutes earlier, just before the panel discussion … Public speaking easy. Just dwell on the tragedy that awaits you. Seriously … something worse than public speaking is waiting for you just around the corner. Any history of cancer in your family? No. Heart disease? No. Well, I'm sure something will come up. Lemont, your custody battle is hopeless. Give up now. Sorry, Your Lawyer. YES!
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-05-30 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-05-30 Pub. Date: 2010-05-30
Image Number: 47787
Caption: What do you mean "If you're a writer, come up with a poem right now"? I write prose. I write short stories, with plots and dialogues and multiple characters struggling against each other. I don't have to spit out a poem to prove I'm a writer. That's like telling a heart surgeon to perform BRAIN surgery to prove he's a doctor. Not convinced, dawg ... that don't even come CLOSE to rhyming.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-28 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-28 Pub. Date: 2010-01-28
Image Number: 43364
Caption: Sunnyville Sanitarium. Now that you've accepted that the demons and vampires were all in your head, I'm giving you a clean bill of health, Lemont. That's a little joke I like to tell anyway, I'm afraid Dubble Cross wouldn't cover your stay here. $92,000?!?! Oh … my … heart! Does Dubble Cross cover heart attacks? Yes, they generally do. MY HEART!!!!
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-12 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-12 Pub. Date: 2010-01-12
Image Number: 42958
Caption: So, how are you gonna market my "Jokes About Rush Limbaugh's Heart Troubles" CD? Mr. Gold, I told you before, we don't work for free. Does Armani Gold look like a man who needs a handout? Years ago, I thought ahead and trademarked every possible "But I didn't know Limbaugh had a heart" joke. Dios mio. So far my lawyer's sued half of San Francisco.
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-11 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-11 Pub. Date: 2010-01-11
Image Number: 42957
Caption: At the ad agency … I'm telling you, it practically sells itself. Just listen … Rush Limbaugh, outspoken opponent of health care reform, was rushed to the hospital with heart trouble. Maybe he was faking his symptoms … just like Michael J. Fox. First off, your "Rush Limbaugh Heart Trouble Jokes" CD is the DEFINITION of a "short shelf life" item ... But it's comedy gold!
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-27 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-27 Pub. Date: 2009-09-27
Image Number: 38664
Caption: Random man on the street, explain to me why you think health care reform is "socialism." Simple, Bob. Anytime BIG GOVERNMENT steps in and keeps the free market from doing whatever the @#$% it wants to us, that's socialism. Like the other day, I was having a heart attack ... called 9-1-1. County wanted to send me an ambulance to take me to the nearest cardiac unit. That's socialism. No way do I want government deciding where I'm going to go. I see. Go on ... I called several different ambulance companies, said I wanna go to the best cardiac unit in America, and asked them to submit competitive bids. And then? I died before any of them got back to me, but at least it was MY CHOICE.
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-09-01 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-09-01 Pub. Date: 2009-09-01
Image Number: 37998
Caption: Are you stealing from me? Why do you ask? Never mind, take it. Take it all. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. I've lost the one woman who could've made me happy. Anything you could take from me now could never compare to -- TOUCH MY STAR TREK DVDS AND I BITE YOUR FINGER OFF AT THE KNUCKLE. ... Could never compare to losing her. Freak.
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-08-31 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-08-31 Pub. Date: 2009-08-31
Image Number: 37997
Caption: Big L, whachoo doin' sitting in here where it all dark and depressing? It's life, Clyde. Life is a dark, hopeless abyss of darknessy hopelessness. Nothing means anything. Nothing's important. It's all a futile waste of … How'd you get in my apartment? That's not important right now.
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-11 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-11 Pub. Date: 2009-04-11
Image Number: 31473
Caption: Oh, Lemont, Lemont… A heart attack! Ain't that a blip? I'm gonna miss you, bruh. I want something (sniffle) to remember you by. You (sniffle) you ain't gon' need this watch, are you? It wasn't a heart attack, you idiot, it was a panic attack. I'll be fine. So... (sniffle) this mean you want ya wallet back? I love you too, man.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-04-10 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-04-10 Pub. Date: 2009-04-10
Image Number: 31472
Caption: I can't believe it! I just fell off a mountain and lived! Not a scratch on me! I'm alive! Woohooooo!!! 'scuse me…. …You the one who called the air ambulance? What's this? Your bill. Heart attack! Throw down the paddles!
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-05-30 heart 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-05-30 Pub. Date: 2008-05-30
Image Number: 23767
Caption: I still say "gay marriage must be stopped"… ..but my heart's not really in it anymore. It's almost as if I'm too busy worrying about the fact I'm losing my home, my job and my health insurance. When I said bring in your significant other, I meant your wife. It's like me and my boogeyman are just going through the motions. Y.M.C.A.!
     
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