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Candorville

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61. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-01 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-01 Pub. Date: 2016-09-01
Image Number: 147922
Caption: I think you're being way too hard on that new Eddie Murphy movie, Clyde. Bruh. Why you keep defendin' that tired, horrible abomination? I don't know. Well … I guess when people hate something so venomously and tell me it's worthless, I have this reflexive instinct to find the good in it ... which explains a lot, actually. Whachoo lookin' at me like that for?
     
62. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-12 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147069
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I decided to show my son the same cartoons I saw as a kid. So I Youtubed "Casper the Friendly Ghost." He liked it, but all I could think about was "Hey … that's a dead kid who's not allowed to go to heaven … He's condemned to roam the earth forever, trying in vain to make friends. And every time he fails, he tries to off himself." So those stories were fine for you but not for your kid? So then we watched the Smurfs, and I was like, "This is a caste system!"
     
63. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-06 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-06 Pub. Date: 2016-08-06
Image Number: 146693
Caption: Where have all the butterflies gone, Susan? Good question. See, this is why I'm more comfortable with a female best friend. I can ask you a simple question about a bug without you questioning my manhood. Think there'll ever be another "Sex and the City" movie? Don't push it.
     
64. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-14 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-14 Pub. Date: 2016-07-14
Image Number: 145819
Caption: You're still not talking to me 'cause of that article I wrote? Come on, Susan … The FBI investigated Clinton's email scandal and found that she totally lied about whether she was sending confidential emails from unsecure person servers. How can you be mad at me for saying a politician lying to our faces for a year is a bad thing? What if I write another article about the thousands of lies Trump tells, will you talk to me then? ... Hello?
     
65. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-15 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-15 Pub. Date: 2016-06-15
Image Number: 144564
Caption: You an' me, we boys, right Saron? We been knowin' each other for what, 10, 15 years? 36. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. And in all that time, you ain't never, not once, invited me into your home. That's cold-blooded, Saron. "Susan," Clyde. My name is "Susan." You've known me since the Reagan administration. An' that's how long you been stand-offish, Saron.
     
66. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-10 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-10 Pub. Date: 2016-06-10
Image Number: 144223
Caption: You told Clyde how you met this chick from Vancouver. You told your therapist how you met her. You told the mailman how you met her. But you never told me. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Lemont. I thought we tell each other everything. Oh. Well, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to plant a bunch of negative thoughts about her in my head. You always seem to despise any woman I date. That's not true. I thought Kimani was a lovely woman. Kimani? That was in preschool, Susan ... and you convinced me she was only interested in my Raggedy Andy.
     
67. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-09 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-09 Pub. Date: 2016-06-09
Image Number: 144222
Caption: I'm flying to Oakland for a book festival in two week. "Vancouver" is going to be there too. The girl you been talkin' to long-distance? You ain't never told me how you met her in the first place. Yeah I did, Clyde. I called you as soon as it happened and told you every last detail. You and I talked for five hours! Anything more'n two minutes, I set the phone down an' watch tv. It's a policy. But you kept applauding! Must've been the studio audience you heard, bruh.
     
68. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-12 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-12 Pub. Date: 2016-05-12
Image Number: 143024
Caption: What's the last thing you usually think about at night? Is it me? Pizza. You. Oh. I really don’t think I could ever go through life without pizza. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-27).
     
69. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-05-02 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-05-02 Pub. Date: 2016-05-02
Image Number: 142718
Caption: Hey Clyde, it's me. You still up? Is it goin' down now? Is what going down now? I'm just calling to say hi 'cause I can't get to sleep. What're you talking about? I told you don't never call me at night 'less somethin' goin' down. Like a heart attack, or somebody hurt, or the revolution's come. Who was your favorite Vulcan? "Thwak," son of "Don't be callin' me again."
     
70. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-29 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-29 Pub. Date: 2016-04-29
Image Number: 142413
Caption: I'm proud of you, Lemont. You're a good dad. I am? You must be. We used to spend hours together. Now I only get to see you about ten minutes a day. … And when I do see you, you look horrible. It's like you save all your clothing-and-soap money for your boy. ... Thanks? (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-05).
     
71. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-17 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-17 Pub. Date: 2016-04-17
Image Number: 141571
Caption: I'm so happy, doc. I think I'm falling madly in love with an Israeli women I met in Turkey. Dr. Noodle. That's interesting. Just last month, you were still in love with Kelly. And the month before that, you were in love with Marie. And two months before that, it was Sharquisha. You're constantly falling in and out of love. Out? Who said anything about "out"? I still love every woman I've ever loved. With all my heart and soul. With the intensity of the big bang itself. You don't like seeing things end, do you? I've Facebook friended everyone I've ever met.
     
72. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-16 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-16 Pub. Date: 2016-04-16
Image Number: 141801
Caption: Lemont, how come you don’t ever disagree with me? You've always been 100% supportive of all my ideas, my style, my relationships … Sometimes I feel like your lack of dissent means you don’t care what I say or do. That's stupid. I disagree with you all the time. You're just saying that to make me feel better. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-03-29).
     
73. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-10 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-10 Pub. Date: 2016-04-10
Image Number: 141191
Caption: Dear Jerk … I am offended by your article where you wrote that "getting offended" is America's new national pastime. I've angrily shown it to all of my friends, after first telling them that what they were about to see was offensive … and each of them agreed with me that it was just as repugnant as I insisted it was. They all now despise you with a passion, just as I had told them they would before they'd ever heard of you. Dear sir or ma'am: I'm not sure your polling methodology is scientifically sound. On behalf of all Americans, I demand an apology, a retraction, and a public flogging. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
     
74. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-29 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-29 Pub. Date: 2016-03-29
Image Number: 141134
Caption: You know what gets me about terrorists? The really frustrating part? It's that we all know them. What do you mean? You know how you come across someone online who has a completely wrong view of reality … but when you give him facts that prove him wrong, he just gets angry and condescending and treats you like you're subhuman trash. Terrorists are internet trolls come to life. You can't ever, ever get rid of internet trolls. I wish the world could just unfriend them.
     
75. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-10 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-10 Pub. Date: 2016-03-10
Image Number: 140181
Caption: … And that's when I told Dick Fink he was on thin ice. "Forgetting" to tell me about the "Ask Sadie" radio show meeting was one thing … but "accidentally" replacing my Powerpoint with a slideshow full of Photoshopped pictures of me kicking puppies is something else. My boss won't let me fire him. He even said I was "overreacting" and being "self-centered." ... Actually, I asked if you wanted to hear about my day. And guess what else he said ...
     
76. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-05 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-05 Pub. Date: 2016-03-05
Image Number: 139629
Caption: You know a good way to tell your friend his breath remind you of barnyard animals? My breath is just fine, Clyde. You sound defensive, bruh. Of course I do. You said something about me that isn't true, so I'm defending myself. That's what's wrong with America: Every time an innocent person defends himself, people say that's proof he's guilty. There you go again with your defense-tivity. Your breath must be worse that I thought. I'm going to quit while I'm behind.
     
77. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-22 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-22 Pub. Date: 2016-02-22
Image Number: 139560
Caption: Nobody understands why I hang out with you, Clyde. You're a thug, I'm not. You have no career, I do. You don’t care about the world, I report on it for a living. That's what they think, anyway, because they're not capable of looking past your loser image and seeing the real you. That's a compliment. If you have to say "that's a compliment," it ain't no compliment. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-03).
     
78. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-20 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-20 Pub. Date: 2016-02-20
Image Number: 139239
Caption: You look happy, Lemont. I am happy! Because I just had an epiphany! The reason I keep choosing the wrong women, the wrong job, the wrong friends, the wrong toilet paper … it's because I just don't believe I deserve to be happy! Finding out I can't stand to be happy makes me very happy. Which ... makes me miserable.
     
79. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-08 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-08 Pub. Date: 2016-02-08
Image Number: 138871
Caption: Well, that was an interesting double date, Lemont. We should do it again sometime. Only next time, maybe your date could actually show up in person, you could leave Skype and the helicopter drone at home, and the evening could end with less blood and stitches. You're never going to let me live that one down, are you? We'll be talking about it in the nursing home.
     
80. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-05 friend 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-05 Pub. Date: 2016-02-05
Image Number: 138596
Caption: The Double Date. Bzzzzz. Susan's date. Lemont's date, joining them via Skype. Bzzzz. Oh my … they sure are going at it. Oh, I wish we could be doing that. Bzzzzzzz. You know … and I'm just putting this out there … not everything's a competition. Did you find my hat?
     
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