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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-16 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-16 Pub. Date: 2019-10-16
Image Number: 179916
Caption: I counted fifteen punctuation errors on your site in the past five years, Lemont. It's not a huge number, but it's the kind of thing that can damage your Q rating. I propose a 3-phase operation: Hire an editor to prevent future occurrences … Have my people scrub all your past articles to correct every error ... and have a foreign troll farm impugn the intelligence of anyone who's ever pointed out those errors. When's your vacation over? You really need to go back to work.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-18 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-18 Pub. Date: 2018-02-18
Image Number: 167988
Caption: When I was a youth, I dreamt of becoming a gangsta rapper who'd someday go legit and found a major record label and sell it for billions to Apple. Dr. Noodle. I never did it, though. I didn't know that career path was really possible. But then Dr. Dre came along and he did it. That's an awfully specific dream you had. And then there was my Russian dream. I always dreamt of striking out in real estate, then catching the eye of Russian mobsters and foreign banks who'd bail me out if I agreed to launder tons of loot for them ... and then maybe I'd run for high office so I could repay the bank by giving it a waiter exempting it from paying some huge fine, and maybe be able to use my office to repay the mafia somehow too. Y'know ... sometimes when we're jealous, we rewrite history and actually believe I thought of that first. Oh, no, I've been laundering money for year - wait, this whole thing is confidential, right?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-29 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-29 Pub. Date: 2017-09-29
Image Number: 163101
Caption: How 'bout that Chokers game? The Candorville Chokers might go all the way this year. Whachoocare? What do you mean "What do I care?" Haven't you got any civic pride, son? They're our hometown team. They're our boys. They a bunch of grown-!@#$ men runnin' 'round in a circle for millions of dollars. Ain't nary a one of them even from here. That pitcher Fernando Maldonado only speak German. In the winter we play for Cameroon. If you don't like small talk, just say so!
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-17 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-17 Pub. Date: 2017-08-17
Image Number: 161534
Caption: Hello, me, I'm you form the future. I've come back in time to ask you to do a wider variety of activities. Go visit seedy bars in foreign lands and get into misadventures with the locals, become a reality tv star and then run for office. Go live amongst the Aborigines in Australia and when you return, try to smuggle a kangaroo past customs. Anything! Our grandkids are tired of hearing the same five stories over and over again, is that I'm saying. Zzzzz.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-19 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-19 Pub. Date: 2017-04-19
Image Number: 157014
Caption: Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting surveyed the five top newspapers in America after our attack on Syria. They found that the papers ran 18 opinion pieces about the attack. Guess how many of them were opposed to it? And how many mentioned it was illegal? I'm guessing it was less than 18. It was zero. What I win? I was right, so do I win somethin'? You win a military industrial journalism complex.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-06 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-06 Pub. Date: 2016-09-06
Image Number: 148215
Caption: This just in: Astronomers discover an earthlike planet orbiting the nearest star, Proxima Centauri. Click … Some are starting to question whether there's proof Donald Trump's grandfather immigrated from Germany. He could have come from anywhere. Click ... Proxima Centauri is just 4.24 light years away. In cosmic terms that's right next door. This end up.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-16 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147386
Caption: I'm going to Uganda next week to write an article about their harsh anti-gay laws. Can you watch my son for me while I'm gone? I wish I could, Lemont, but I have a mmble to do so I just can't. You just mumbled. You didn't say an actual thing. No, I don't think that happened.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-15 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-15 Pub. Date: 2016-08-15
Image Number: 147385
Caption: I went to the Russian winter Olympics. Oh, that's cool. How was it? Well at first I was afraid it was going to be nothing but unfamiliar customs and strange foods … but then I saw their harsh anti-gay laws in action. It was just like being in Arizona, or Utah, or Oklahoma, or Texas, or Louisiana, or Mississippi, or Alabama, or South Carolina. Always nice to find a little bit of home in a foreign land. And their fast food gave me the poops, just like ours.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-14 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-14 Pub. Date: 2016-03-14
Image Number: 140509
Caption: I was supposed to be covering a horrible story in Uganda. But then a horrible story broke in the Ukraine. So I changed my ticket to the Ukraine and booked a room at the Motel Sixky. Turns out there is no "Motel Sixky." It was a fake website run by identity thieves. Look on the bright side: Now you got a horrible story to cover right in your house. True.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-06 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-06 Pub. Date: 2015-09-06
Image Number: 131719
Caption: I want two things from our next president. First, I want him to be America's greatest cheerleader. I want him to constantly say that America is "exceptional." I don't want him focusing on "police brutality" and all the other things that make us look bad. I want him to make sure the whole world knows that the USA is the best place to live that there's ever been, in the whole history of mankind. What's the second thing you want? I want him to do something about all the foreigners who're so desperate to come live here that they can't wait a few measly decades to do it legally. Exoneration Nation. But ... I thought you wanted him to make America seem like it's the only place worth living. Not in an invitationy way ... more as a "nanny-nanny-na-na."
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-11 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-11 Pub. Date: 2015-01-11
Image Number: 121631
Caption: I still can't believe the President is normalizing relations with Cuba. Me neither. Your realize how long it's been since American let its people hang out in Cuba? Two words, Susan: "Ricky Ricardo." The U.S. has been giving Cuba the cold shoulder ever since Ricky Ricardo was married to Lucy, and it tool till now for us to admit it wasn't working. Gene Roddenberry was still trying to sell some TV show about World War II. You lost me on that one. The original Star Trek wouldn't exist for another five years!
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-12-30 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-12-30 Pub. Date: 2014-12-30
Image Number: 120838
Caption: You know China is North Korea's only major ally? Without China propping it up, North Korea's dictatorship would fall tomorrow. If North Korea wants China to keep defending them, then North Korea had better start repaying China the $2 China loans it every day. If you get what I'm saying. I don't get what you sayin'. Hey, could you break me off $2 for some Korean BBQ? I could eat the mess outta some Yangnyeom Tongdak right about now.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-02 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-02 Pub. Date: 2014-10-02
Image Number: 117059
Caption: I was thinking "@$% foreigners should learn our language." But then it occurred to me … Within each of us is an entire universe of beliefs. It's as if each of us speaks his own language. Don't you see, Rosencrantz? We're ALL foreigners to each other. Show me your papers! (This cartoon was originally published on 2012-06-01).
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-22 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-22 Pub. Date: 2014-07-22
Image Number: 114097
Caption: How they gonna blame President Obama for what goin' on in the Middle East? They ain't nothin' no President in history ever done that ever changed the Middle East for the better. Blamin' our own President for them bein' crazy make no sense. I blame out Presidents for not brokering peace between 84th Street an' 85th Street.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-26 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-26 Pub. Date: 2014-03-26
Image Number: 109224
Caption: We've invaded dozens of sovereign nations. Everywhere from Mexico to Cuba to Iraq. So it IS kinda strange that we're getting so bent out of shape about Russia doing the same thing. No it ain't. Anytime a thug wanna feel like he a good person, all he have to do is condemn some other thug. Wasn't that your thesis statement in kindergarten? It's still relevant.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-24 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-24 Pub. Date: 2014-03-24
Image Number: 109222
Caption: This Russia thing Obama fault. He spent the last five years tryin' SO HARD not to be the "angry black man" that he forgot one thing …. … The United States has always been the "angry black man." What's that make Putin? I don’t know, but it wasn’t me. What? What?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-10 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-10 Pub. Date: 2014-03-10
Image Number: 108527
Caption: I went to the Russian Olympics. Oh, that's cool. How was it? Well at first I was afraid it was going to be nothing but unfamiliar customs and strange food … but then I saw their harsh anti-gay laws in action. It was just like being in Arizona, or Utah, or Oklahoma, or Texas, or Louisiana, or Mississippi, or Alabama or South Carolina. Always nice to find a little bit of home in foreign land. And their Taco Bell gave me the poops, just like ours.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-11 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-11 Pub. Date: 2014-01-11
Image Number: 120711
Caption: I still can't believe the president is normalizing relations with Cuba. Me neither. You realize how long it's been since America let its people hang out in Cuba? Two words, Susan: "Ricky Ricardo." The U.S. has been giving Cuba the cold shoulder ever since Rickey Ricardo was married to Lucy, and it took till now for us to admit it wasn't working. Gene Roddenberry was still trying to sell some tv show about World War II. You lost me on that one. The original Star Trek wouldn't even exist for another five years!
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-20 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-20 Pub. Date: 2013-12-20
Image Number: 105214
Caption: Feudalbanc Massacard, this is Carol Ann, how may ah help yew, sugah? Oh, thank God, last time I was stuck talking to someone in Indonesia. Oh I know just what yew mean, like one tam, I was tryin' ta get ta Jacksonville an' I took the wrong plane. Fell asleep, an' when I woke up, wouldja believe I was lookin' at the Eiffel Tower? Well all I wanted in the whole world was to talk to a real live Amurican right about then. That brings to mind a funny story. Take about an hour ta tell it right. Could you transfer me to someone in Indonesia?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-19 foreign 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-19 Pub. Date: 2013-12-19
Image Number: 105213
Caption: Fuedalbank Massacard, Ryan Berbicara. How may I bantuan you? Uhm … huh? I'm sorry, I can't understand you. Can you transfer me to someone in America? What makes you berpikit I'm not in America. Nice weather we're mengalami, huh? Not a single cyclone today. Not falling for it.
     
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