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Candorville

Comics about fixes and fixing.

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Result page:    2  Next  (36 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-01 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-01 Pub. Date: 2019-09-01
Image Number: 179190
Caption: I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal You're the disease, and I'm the cure. Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said Consider that a divorce. Or like in They live, when just before he killed a bunch of evil aliens, Rowdy Roddy Piper said "I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick (butt) ... and I'm al out of bubblegum. Your task tonight is to generate six one-liners I can use whenever I squeeze unpaid work out of my employees. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. You're the rest, and I'm the bed. The kind with spikes on it ... See? That's awful. Fix that up and give me sixe more.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-19 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-19 Pub. Date: 2019-07-19
Image Number: 178563
Caption: Why you always thinkin' 'bout people goin' to Mars and whatnot, bruh? We should fix our own problems down here 'fore we go up there. Gah! I hate when people say that! Don't you know that mankind colonizing other planets might be the single most unifying thing we could ever do?! And the tech we create to keep us alive out there could clean up the earth! And ... You're just pushing my buttons on purpose! Has some time to kill while Youtube was loading.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-26 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-26 Pub. Date: 2019-04-26
Image Number: 177327
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some old quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. My bad can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-23 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-23 Pub. Date: 2018-09-23
Image Number: 173981
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Breakeezy warranty department. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? Hi Ryan. I called last week to tell you the water dispenser on my Breakeezy refrigerator was stuck and pouring water all over my floor. I'd just bought a $400 extended warranty a month earlier. you sent out a repairman, and he fixed it. Then he sent me a bill for $200. He said you told him the repair wasn't covered by my policy! That's right. The fine print clearly states that we don't cover pre-existing problems. It broke a month after I bought the warranty! After!!! That's not pre-existing! The fine print's fine print clearly states that quantum theory suggests time may flow in both directions.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-29 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-29 Pub. Date: 2018-05-29
Image Number: 171946
Caption: Hello, you've reached the Secretary of State's office. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? I just checked, and I've been un-registered from the voter rolls. I see. We can fix that. What's your name and address? Lemont Brown. 1739 Sojourner Way, Candorville. Oh, yes Mr. Lemont Brown. It appears you tried to commit voter fraud. You registered at numerous addresses. What?! No I didn't! You're registered as a Leroy Braun over on Peebles Street ... Lamarr Boyd over on Tubman Parkway ... those people aren't me!! So you admit it, Le-Keysha Barnes?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-17 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-17 Pub. Date: 2018-01-17
Image Number: 167357
Caption: I'm not in love with my girlfriend anymore. How do I fix that? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice 50¢. Here what you do, bruh: Pretend she ain't your girlfriend. Pretend she the hot single women you first noticed. You mean try to look at her with fresh eyes again? I meant go see other women ... but that could work too. (Originally published on 2015-12-30)
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-03 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-03 Pub. Date: 2017-12-03
Image Number: 165351
Caption: Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tries to change the subject by saying "yeah but … black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but … you rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix all these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters bigger'n all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them in asteroid craters? Good game, Clyde.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-02 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-02 Pub. Date: 2017-11-02
Image Number: 164418
Caption: All this talk about "Mars" is so stupid. We should fix the planet we already have before we go somewhere else. Talk about "stupid." Going to Mars could be the only thing that'll enable us to "fix" earth, because "necessity is the mother of invention." The technologies we develop to keep a Martian colony habitable could be applied here to clean up our own environment ... Um ... I lost you at "talk about stupid," didn't I? I'm warming up to the thought of going to Mars.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-02 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-02 Pub. Date: 2016-11-02
Image Number: 150473
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year. 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. "My bad" can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-12-30 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-12-30 Pub. Date: 2015-12-30
Image Number: 137115
Caption: I'm not in love with my girlfriend anymore. How do I fix that? C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice 50¢. Here what you do, bruh: Pretend she ain't your girlfriend. Pretend she the hot single women you first noticed. You mean try to look at her with fresh eyes again? I meant go see other women ... but that could work too.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-10-25 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-10-25 Pub. Date: 2015-10-25
Image Number: 133804
Caption: Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tried to change the subject by saying "Yeah but … black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but … your rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters biggern all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them asteroid craters?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-18 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-18 Pub. Date: 2015-05-18
Image Number: 127171
Caption: Did you know we spend $2 billion a week in Afghanistan, Susan? Do you know how many Americans could have health insurance for $2 billion a week? Do you know how many roads and bridges and tracks we could fix for $2 billion a week? Do you know how many episodes of a new "Star Trek" show we could produce for $2 billion a week? I mean ... Do you know how many hungry Americans we could feed for $2 billion a week?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-05-17 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-05-17 Pub. Date: 2015-05-17
Image Number: 126511
Caption: Anytime you think bad thoughts, son, you can fix it by thinking of the one thing in this world you love most. Macawoni and cheeth? I was thinking more along the lines of "daddy." Macawoni and cheeth.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-02-22 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-02-22 Pub. Date: 2015-02-22
Image Number: 122695
Caption: "Your thigh bone's connected to your hip bone … Your shoulder bone's connected to your neck bone … Your neck bone's connected to your head bone … Now hear the word of the Lord!" James Weldon Johnson wrote that almost 100 years ago. Yeah, well … I still don't see why it's James Weldon Johnson's fault you just had to pay $5,000 to get your teeth fixed. It's obvious, Lemont. For 100 years, they've been indoctrinating us at an early age into not considering teeth to be an integral part of the body. That's what lets health insurance get away with not covering dental. I bet the HMOs paid the guy not to even mention the tooth bone. It's the only explanation for such a glaring omission. First of all, I'm not sure "tooth bone" is a thing ... which is proof that a century of brainwashing works.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-23 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-23 Pub. Date: 2014-09-23
Image Number: 116762
Caption: My Mac died on me again, so I thought I'd finally, after all these years, try a PC. You use a PC at work, right? Would you know how to fix a glitch? Maybe. What sort of glitch? Every time I tried installing an FTP program, it would also install an "optimizer," a "vacation planner" and a video of a cat boxing with a gerbil. You wanna know how to uninstall the programs you didn't want? I wanna know how to uninstall the angry-dent my fist put in the keyboard.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-22 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-22 Pub. Date: 2014-09-22
Image Number: 116761
Caption: Zombiac … Truman speaking. Hi, Truman, it's Lemont Brown. I was in a couple years ago. I brought you a new iMac and asked you to take out its guts and squeeze them into my beautiful old 2004 iMac's chassis. Well it just died, Truman. If I bring it in, you will fix it free of charge, right? Sir, do you still have a copy of the warranty I gave you? I thought I did, but I just have a paper with "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" written over and over in tiny print. No, that's the one.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-07-31 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-07-31 Pub. Date: 2014-07-31
Image Number: 114483
Caption: It's so easy to just say they're all nuts, but what's YOUR brilliant solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict? Remember the east coast-west coast rap war from the 90's? Remember how Biggie an' Tupac mommas hugged each other an' told both sides to cut that #$%&@ out? It's ok to admit you don't have a solution, Clyde. Ain't nothin' a million mommas huggin' it out can't fix.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-27 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-27 Pub. Date: 2014-03-27
Image Number: 109225
Caption: I knew you'd call me eventually. Know how I knew that? You didn’t know that. Stop acting so cocky. See? THAT'S how I knew. You're the kind of female who thinks she can fix every problem. You want to be the one to FIX me. In more ways than one.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-17 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-17 Pub. Date: 2013-12-17
Image Number: 105211
Caption: I been thinkin' 'bout Mandela, dawg. He lived to be 95 years old. He became president. Then he fixed a whole country. … An' that was after he was incarcerated for 27 years. That mean Mandela didn’t really get his career on till he was 72 years old. That mean I got 40 or so years before I hafta do nothin'. Don't sell yourself short, Clyde. You're doing nothin' now. Thug 4 Life.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-07-29 fix 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-07-29 Pub. Date: 2013-07-29
Image Number: 99760
Caption: Hi, my friend Susan said I should call you, so I'm calling you. You wouldn’t want to catch a movie, would you? You wouldn’t want to get drinks afterward, would you? Hello? Hello? It didn’t work out. Dios mio … If you don’t want me to fix you up, just say so.
     
Result page:    2  Next  (36 images)