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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (25 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-31 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-31 Pub. Date: 2018-08-31
Image Number: 173792
Caption: Have you tried giving up coffee cold turkey? Once. It was December 25th, 1991. It had rained that morning and dew glistened on the flowers a passerby was carrying. A dog barked seven times. A distant siren wailed for 43 seconds. The ceiling light bulb flickered every 257.9 seconds for seven hours. I take it that day didn't go very well. My dog scratched itself for exactly 5 and a 1/2 minutes before falling asleep.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-03 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-03 Pub. Date: 2018-06-03
Image Number: 171757
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... Every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-24 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-24 Pub. Date: 2018-04-24
Image Number: 170820
Caption: Starbucks HQ. The CEO will me with you in five minutes, Mr. Brown. Good. Say, what do you think of your stores in Philly and LA calling cops and security on black guys who ask to use the john? I really can't say, sir. Why don't you wait in the lounge? We've got a vending machine with coffee. No, thanks. Say, where's your restroom? Whachoo in for, freshmeat? Will you stop calling me that.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-07 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-07 Pub. Date: 2018-02-07
Image Number: 168182
Caption: Have you ever lost time, Susan? Sure. Everyone zones out sometimes. Cool, cool. But hey, have you ever, like, dropped your kid off at preschool, gone home, sat on the couch, and then after what feels like just five minutes, your alarm goes off telling you six hours have passed and it's time to go pick him up already? That's the kind of lost time I'm talking about. Reason number 398 why I'll never have children. I'm pretty sure I was abducted by aliens yesterday, is what I'm saying.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-03 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-03 Pub. Date: 2017-11-03
Image Number: 164419
Caption: You've been sighing a lot. What's wrong, Lemont? I reject that whole theory. A sigh isn't proof of a troubled mind. It's just a biological function. Every mammal on earth sighs. The average person sighs once every five minutes! Ipso facto, sighing five times every minute is pretty much the same thing. "Ipso facto" isn't really a thing.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-12 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-12 Pub. Date: 2017-03-12
Image Number: 154859
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I think I'm done watching "The Flash." You know, the superhero who can run faster than a bullet. I just saw the episode where he has to fight someone who could teleport. But she could only teleport if she could see where she was going. After the Flash figured that out, he did all these things to limit her field of vision. He ran all around knocking out street lights, for instance. He did all sorts of things to make sure she couldn't see. All sorts of things ... except putting a bag over the villain's head. Well that would've been a pretty short episode. I'd rather have five minutes of brilliance than 45 minutes of not putting a bag over the villain's head.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-19 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-19 Pub. Date: 2016-08-19
Image Number: 147389
Caption: What do you think really happened at the end of "Suicide Squad," Clyde? I've watched it about five times now, and I'm still not sure. I thought it was weird that a dude held up some hand puppets an' narrated the last 20 minutes in Chinese. You need to stop watching bootlegs. An' why'd they film "Independence Day" upside down?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-09 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-09 Pub. Date: 2016-06-09
Image Number: 144222
Caption: I'm flying to Oakland for a book festival in two week. "Vancouver" is going to be there too. The girl you been talkin' to long-distance? You ain't never told me how you met her in the first place. Yeah I did, Clyde. I called you as soon as it happened and told you every last detail. You and I talked for five hours! Anything more'n two minutes, I set the phone down an' watch tv. It's a policy. But you kept applauding! Must've been the studio audience you heard, bruh.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-24 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-24 Pub. Date: 2016-04-24
Image Number: 141854
Caption: What's wrong wit' you, Big L? Nothing makes sense anymore. In Star Trek, they almost never jump to warp speed until they've left a star system. It takes light from the sun about eight minutes to reach earth. It takes 5.3 hours for that same sunlight to reach Pluto. And yet, it only takes the Enterprise one minute or so to leave a star system. Don't you see ... every time they use their impulse drive to leave a star system, they're still traveling faster than light. But they're not yet warping space. That means they should be affected by time dilation. For every second that passes for them, weeks or months should pass back on earth. Just like e'ry second of this conversation for you be like months for me. Exactly! Even you can understand that!
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-05 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-05 Pub. Date: 2016-04-05
Image Number: 141502
Caption: Have you tried giving up coffee cold turkey. Once. It was December 25th, 1991. It had rained that morning and dew glistened on the flowers a passerby was carrying. A dog barked seven times. A distant siren wailed for 43 seconds. The ceiling light bulb flickered every 257.9 seconds for seven hours. I take it that day didn't go very well. My dog scratched itself for exactly 5 and ½ minutes before falling asleep.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-20 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-20 Pub. Date: 2015-09-20
Image Number: 132207
Caption: Kelly texted me again the other day. I hadn't heard from her in two years. I thought I'd never hear from her again. What did she want? To see if I was still madly in love with her. She wanted to see if I would still be willing to run away with her and start a new life, no matter the consequences. She wanted to see if her voice was still the air I breathe, and if I still saw moonlight when I gazed into her eyes. She said all that? Not in so many words. She just said "hi," but I knew what she meant. I'm going to schedule you for some extra sessions. I think I'm over her, doc. I didn't answer her at all, for five whole minutes.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-08 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-08 Pub. Date: 2015-03-08
Image Number: 123395
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? I think I'm done watching "The Flash." You know, the superhero who can run faster than a bullet. I just saw the episode where he had to fight someone who could teleport. But she could only teleport if she could see where she's going. After the flash figured that out, he did all these things to limit her field of vision. He ran all around knocking out street lights, for instance. He did all sorts of things to make sure she couldn't see. All sorts of things ... except putting a bag over the villain's head. Well that would've been a pretty short episode. I'd rather have five minutes of brilliance than 45 minutes of not putting a bag over the villain's head.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-04 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-04 Pub. Date: 2015-01-04
Image Number: 120435
Caption: What brings you to therapy? I'm really susceptible to other people's moods. Dr. Noodle. If I'm with someone who's happy, I'm happy. If I'm with someone who's sad, I'm sad. If I'm with someone who's talkative, I'm eloquent. If they're not, then I can't think of anything to talk about. My friend's dad died. He cried. Within five minutes, he was having to console me. Well, that's actually not unusual, you see, we're all ... did you have on glasses when you came in here? Why do you ask?
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-30 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-30 Pub. Date: 2014-03-30
Image Number: 108533
Caption: NASA found 715 new planets, Clyde. That makes about 1,700. But they can only detect planets that orbit the stars at certain angles relative to Earth. Do you have any idea what that means? That you gon' be talkin' for another twenty, twenty-five minutes? It means that for every planet they've detected, there are 1,000 more they can't detect because of the angle of their orbits. That means there are at least 1,700,000 planets up there that are right in our cosmic back yard. Whatever, dawg. Let's go outside. I can't. All of a sudden I feel like a whole lot of people are watching me. I never shoulda stole you that telescope when we was six.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-14 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-14 Pub. Date: 2014-03-14
Image Number: 108531
Caption: What do you think REALLY happened at the end of "Gravity," Clyde? I've watched it about five times now, and I'm still not sure. I thought it was weird that a dude held up some hand puppets an' narrated the last 20 minutes in Chinese. You need to stop watching bootlegs. An' why'd they film "12 Years A Slave" upside down?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-26 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-26 Pub. Date: 2014-01-26
Image Number: 106177
Caption: What was that? I said "What's your latest article about, Lemont?" Seriously? Yeah, just kinda sum it up for me. Susan … I researched it for five months. I interviewed dozens of bystanders and triple-sourced everything they said. I interviewed all the key figures in this scandal: President Obama, Kim Jong Un, Carrot Top ... Then I locked myself in my apartment for a WEEK, painstakingly crafting it into a nuanced, fascinating story ... ... But you can't spend five MINUTES reading it? You want me to "just kinda sum it up" for you?! Not really, I was just being polite.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-11-22 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-11-22 Pub. Date: 2013-11-22
Image Number: 104086
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that. (Originally published on 2012-04-13).
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-01 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-01 Pub. Date: 2013-06-01
Image Number: 97404
Caption: Did they have running water when you were a kid? Hold on, kid … Thank God for Culture Clash. I know you're like five minutes old, but your youth doesn't make me old. I'm still young, too. When you're my age, you'll see what I mean. Did they have the internet when you were a kid? That's not important right now.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-04-13 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-04-13 Pub. Date: 2012-04-13
Image Number: 79198
Caption: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! What is it?! Are you okay?! I fell athleep on my own! You promithed if I went to thleep on my own, you'd tell me another thtory when I woke up. You were supposed to sleep all night, not five minutes. You didn't thpethify that.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-19 five minutes 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-19 Pub. Date: 2012-03-19
Image Number: 77678
Caption: … So I replied "What do you mean you're charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those." And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said "Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness." Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
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