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Candorville

Comics about the first world .

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Result page:    2  Next  (22 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-04 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-04 Pub. Date: 2019-10-04
Image Number: 179729
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! My son just started preschool. This sweet, innocent child who's seen nothing but Sesame Street … came home after the first week and started hitting us and yelling You're a bad guy! Good guys hit bad guys! Yes, yes, it's an age-old problem: The corrupting influence of his peers. Might I suggest you wrap your angel in cellophane to protect him from the world? Better yet, launch him into space, where not even the cold virus can ever reach him! He did have the sniffles.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-02 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-02 Pub. Date: 2019-03-02
Image Number: 176502
Caption: What I believe. Part 480. My child is me. His body came first from me. His thoughts began as a reaction to me and to the world as I introduced it to him. When he judges me, I'm being judged but the most honest, innocent part of myself … So maybe my butt really IS getting big.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-07 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-07 Pub. Date: 2018-10-07
Image Number: 174190
Caption: House of Java Café. Grand Opening. I come from a long line of warriors. Women from my family have served in all 49 World Wars. There were only two. You don't think the first world war was fought in 1914, do you? Let's take for instance, the so-called Seven Years War ... The year was 1750: My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Sadie dared a Frenchman to build a house in the British Ohio River Valley ... yadda yadda yadda, all the world's great powers ended up fighting across five different continents. We've served similarly in every world war dating back to the epic struggle between the allied dinosaurs and the axis of invertebrates. Admit it: There've been more than just two world wars. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong. Ok. I was wrong. Loser! He's a loser! The loser admits it! Can't win.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-06-11 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-06-11 Pub. Date: 2018-06-11
Image Number: 172212
Caption: There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows got renewed, and now this. It's just my luck.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-06 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-06 Pub. Date: 2018-01-06
Image Number: 166784
Caption: 1982. Do you believe in life after death, Susan? Of course. Me too. It's the first law of thermal dynamics. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only transmogrify into something else … like a sea anemone. I've decided I'll be a sea anemone. Not a care in the world, it's be a welcome interlude between this life and my next one where I'm a Jedi. I don't know if you get to choose what happens to your energy, Lemont. No offense, but I think Obi-Wan and Yoda know more about that than you do.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-05 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-05 Pub. Date: 2017-03-05
Image Number: 154597
Caption: I just read that Bill Gates is set to become the world's first trillionaire by the year 2042. Which proves this is the greatest country on earth. Where else could one person amass more hundred dollar bills than there are people on earth? You know what I think? I think we should confiscate everything anyone earns over $1 billion and redistribute it. You what? It's only fair, when you think about it. Our billionaires became billionaires by automating and outsourcing and doing all sorts of things that put millions of Americans out of work. Redistributing the excess would give all those people a decent basic income, so they would never have to starve and die just because millionaires wanted to be billionaires. I'm practicing for April Fools. How'd I do? I didn't buy it for a second. Color-blinded.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-12 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-12 Pub. Date: 2016-10-12
Image Number: 149611
Caption: When Vancouver approached me, the rest of the crowd seemed to desaturate. It was like everyone else turned black and white, but Vancouver stood before me in brilliant color. When she hugged me and I felt her soft hair on my face, the rest of the world faded away. And I couldn't feel my feet. After I Googled those symptoms and it turned out not to be a stroke, I realized it was love at first sight.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-06 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-06 Pub. Date: 2015-09-06
Image Number: 131719
Caption: I want two things from our next president. First, I want him to be America's greatest cheerleader. I want him to constantly say that America is "exceptional." I don't want him focusing on "police brutality" and all the other things that make us look bad. I want him to make sure the whole world knows that the USA is the best place to live that there's ever been, in the whole history of mankind. What's the second thing you want? I want him to do something about all the foreigners who're so desperate to come live here that they can't wait a few measly decades to do it legally. Exoneration Nation. But ... I thought you wanted him to make America seem like it's the only place worth living. Not in an invitationy way ... more as a "nanny-nanny-na-na."
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-05 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-05 Pub. Date: 2014-11-05
Image Number: 118497
Caption: Well, the republicans did pretty well yesterday. Of course they did. For the first time, the younger generations are doing worse than the older ones, and our influence in the world is waning. Whenever a civilization's in decline, whoever's better at pointing fingers wins control. Little known fact: before he was emperor, Napoleon taught a class on scapegoating at a junior college. I thought you were going to stay away from Wikipedia.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-24 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-24 Pub. Date: 2014-01-24
Image Number: 106502
Caption: Today … Clyde, you know how Governor Thugman's office had the world's busiest bridge shut down for petty political revenge? I've been investigating that for my blog, trying to find out who gave him the idea in the first place. The callousness of it … the stupidity of it ... keeps leading me back to one possibility, Clyde. I was as shocked as you to learn my homie "Big Oatmeal" went an' gave him advice behind my back. C-Dog's Incredibly Bad Advice $2. Way to take responsibility, Clyde.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-02 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-02 Pub. Date: 2012-07-02
Image Number: 83011
Caption: I was concerned about not being able to pay my bills. Dr. Noodle. But then I realized people in other countries are worried about being massacred, or starving, or being eaten by wild caribou. What right do I have to be wrapped up in my petty first-world problems when all that's going on? Don't you think that's a real break-through? Whatever. You still owe me for last week. PhD.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-04-25 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-04-25 Pub. Date: 2010-04-25
Image Number: 46588
Caption: … So there I was in the underpants aisle, when I saw him! It was my shrink! Buying underpants! We made eye contact! I know we made eye contact! But he totally ignored me. I mean yeah, when I first went to therapy he said he'd ignore me if we ever crossed paths outside this safe room, but c'mon! But then I realized, maybe this shrink did me a favor by being so incredibly rude to me. Being ignored is my worst fear, and he made me face it. He cured me of my problem ... ... By being a complete jerk-ward. I see. Fascinating. But you started therapy to be cured of your passive-aggressiveness. Turns out the world needs jerk-wads.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-28 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-28 Pub. Date: 2008-10-28
Image Number: 27639
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal, Day 18: The Starbucks at the end of the world. Manager said the lost and abandoned come through here from time to time. Said we might find what we're looking for. Pray tell, wouldst thou vagabonds know the way to the East Indies? First things first. Have you seen John McCain's honor? Perchance in yonder men's room.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-04-26 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-04-26 Pub. Date: 2008-04-26
Image Number: 23049
Caption: Dear China, I hear you be mistreatin' our Asiatic family in Tibet. Disrespectin' the Dolly Llama, an @#$%. I'ma tell ya what, Cuz: I GOT YO' OLYMPIC TORCH, @#$%! You set my peoples free, an' you can have it back. Wholesale. …First of all, "Dolly Llama" is incorrect. Nah, that cat be knowin' his bizness. What? What?
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-09-19 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-19 Pub. Date: 2006-09-19
Image Number: 14683
Caption: Hello, ABC Television? Lemont Brown, from the Candorville Courier. Is this about our new docudrama, Path to World War II"? Yeah, I'm curious about a few key scenes. Like the one where you show a whole contingent of CIA guys surrounding Mussolini's underwater cave in 1936 but Bill Clinton fails to give them permission to nuke him. And? Well, first of all, the CIA wasn't even created until 1947. Artistic license.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-03 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-08-03 Pub. Date: 2006-08-03
Image Number: 14293
Caption: Bad news, calling today's conflicts "World War III" tested poorly with our focus group. The consensus was that the third installment of any trilogy is just a lame knockoff of the first two. Return of the Jedi, Superman 3, Terminator 3… If you want to really inspire people... The focus group preferred "The First Intergalactic War." Works for me.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-02 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-08-02 Pub. Date: 2006-08-02
Image Number: 14292
Caption: Focus Group #7. What's the first thing you think of when you hear the phrase "World War III"? Soviet Union. Nuclear Bombs. Flying cars! Robots sent back in time to kill Linda Hamilton. Mel Gibson in tight leather pants. I heard there'd be donuts up in here, #$@%! ...Clyde, how'd you get in here? That's a dumb question. Through the air ducts, of course. I think of Matthew Broderick.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-07-31 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-07-31 Pub. Date: 2006-07-31
Image Number: 14290
Caption: At the ad agency, Susan Garcia meets with a new client. So, Mr. Gingrich… First off, why don't you tell me what product you're selling. World War III. Americans are tired of the "Iraq War" and even "War on Terror." But if we repackage it as "World War III," They'll buy into it all over again. Come again? We can even do a promo-tional tie-in with Burger Queen.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-02-19 first world 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-02-27 Pub. Date: 2006-02-19
Image Number: 13023
Caption: And the good book says "Blessed are the poor, for yours is the kingdom of God." Luke 6:20. But more blessed are the rich, for theirs is everything else. "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land." Matthew 5:5. But more blesses are the bold, for they will show the rest of the world who's boss. "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." But more blessed are the merciless, for they will kill ten Iraqi civilians for every one American who died on 9-11. I liked Reverend Wilfred better before he accepted that "faith-based initiative" money from the White House. Blessed are hose who spy on our e-mails and our phone calls.....
     
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