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Candorville

Comics about being females.

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-04-26 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-04-26 Pub. Date: 2019-04-26
Image Number: 177327
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some old quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. My bad can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-03 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-03 Pub. Date: 2019-03-03
Image Number: 176359
Caption: I'll take you back on one condition: No more cheating. Ok. Also, you'd better not even look at another woman. Ok. and you have to give me all your passwords so I can monitor all your social media accounts. Ok. And you have to go to counseling with me and admit how horrible a person you are. And you have to come home straight after work. And you have to get my permission to go anywhere else. And you can't talk to any females other than me or your mother. And you have to let me handle all your finances. And you have to keep quiet when my friends and family treat you like the trash you are for the rest of your life. I thought you said one condition. You life being over is one condition. Not to self: Never, ever, ever say take me back.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-02 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-02 Pub. Date: 2018-10-02
Image Number: 174289
Caption: I'm the one who brought in all our dark money accounts, sir. Especially Judicial Jerkpac. They hired us to create ads polishing off the rough edges of their favorite judicial nominees. But Judge Groperman is accused of sexual assault. I'm not sure you're the right man for this one, Garcia. I'm just as capable as any man of abandoning my principles to defend lowlife scum. It's called being a professional You mean alleged lowlife scum.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-28 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-28 Pub. Date: 2018-07-28
Image Number: 173092
Caption: Garcia, it's come to my attention that you earn substantially less than your male colleagues, even though you do better work. That is totally unacceptable. I've discussed it with the partners, and we'd like to offer you a raise. CEO of the Year 2002. From now on, you'll be earning only slightly less than your male colleagues. I'm only slightly less disgusted. She's accepted. Draw up the paperwork.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-11 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-11 Pub. Date: 2018-04-11
Image Number: 170411
Caption: Maybe you'd understand owning a gun if you were a single female living alone. Wait … are you trying to tell me you own a gun, Susan? Remember how I was walking home six year ago, and a guy stepped out of a dark alley, dragged me into it, and got the better of me? What? Oh my god, I don't remember that at all! That's 'cause it didn't happen. Because I was armed and he ran away. What else could've made him do that? A taser ... pepper spray ... souvenir nunchucks from Panda Express ... the list is endless.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-02-02 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-02-02 Pub. Date: 2018-02-02
Image Number: 167921
Caption: 1980. I don't think I like that Luke Skywalker can fly. What do you mean? Jedi can't fly. That's silly. Then how come he flew up out of that carbonite pit when Vader tried to freezify him? And how come he changed direction while he was falling on Cloud City and flew right into that trash chute? None of that happened. Yes it did! (Sigh) You didn't even notice it 'cause movies always show men doing amazing things. I bet if Princess Leia were to ever fly, men everywhere would get their Underoos all in a bunch over it. You don't give us men enough credit.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-07-10 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-07-10 Pub. Date: 2017-07-10
Image Number: 160219
Caption: What're you doing, Susan? That's her! That's that chick Lemont's dating! I'd know that face anywhere!! Look, I have something important to ask you, Susan. But that's not Lemont! Where are you going? This isn't any of your business. I'm just going to have a calm, woman-to-woman chat with her about how she's mistreating my best friend. Why're you taking off your heels and earrings? No reason. Marry me.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-10 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-10 Pub. Date: 2017-04-10
Image Number: 156718
Caption: 1982. My momma said her friend Linda has breast cancer. How's she know? Planned Parenthood told her so. Which is weird. What does cancer have to do with parenthood? They do lots of things there. My mom goes there. That's how they found out she had high blood pleasure. Although I'm not sure why they all acted like that was a bad thing. Grownups never make any sense to me either.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-01 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-01 Pub. Date: 2017-04-01
Image Number: 156202
Caption: What's wrong, Lemont? The "Independent Woman's Forum" gave Vice President Mike Pence a "Working for Women" award. He voted against the Lilly Ledbetter equal pay bill … he led the fight to defund Planned Parenthood … he tried to redefine rape so that only women who were "forcibly" raped could have a choice ... So I interviewed the IWF and asked them "Isn't it 100% backwards to give him a 'Working for Women' award?" And what did they say? They gave me a "Mansplainer of the Year" award.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-12 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-12 Pub. Date: 2017-02-12
Image Number: 153753
Caption: I'll take you back on one condition: No more cheating. Ok. Also, you'd better not even look at another woman. Ok. And you have to give me all your passwords so I can monitor all your social media accounts. Ok. And you have to go to counseling with me and admit how horrible a person you are. And you have to come home straight after work. And you have to get my permission to go anywhere else. And you can't talk to any females other than me or your mother. And you have to let me handle all your finances. And you have to keep quiet when my friends and family treat you like the trash you are for the rest of your life. I thought you said one condition. "Your life being over" IS one condition. Note to self: Never, ever, ever say "take me back."
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-01-25 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-01-25 Pub. Date: 2017-01-25
Image Number: 153703
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested "pull her hair" ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-30 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-30 Pub. Date: 2016-11-30
Image Number: 151552
Caption: Ok, Garcia, the truth: I took you off the Trump contract because you're like a daughter to me. I didn't want you exposed to that. I didn't like the things he said about how he treats women. And those things don't go away just 'cause he won. Oh. Well … in that case, sir, that's awfully sweet. Yayle. CEO of the Year ... and awfully patronizing! I'm a grown woman, I can handle myself. Oops. Do you need extraction, sir?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-23 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-23 Pub. Date: 2016-11-23
Image Number: 151296
Caption: Dick, would you get Lemont Brown on the phone for me? Sorry, it's against my religion. I've converted to being Amish. We're not allowed to use phones, or computers, or copiers … or anything else you might ask me to do. Pretty sure the Amish do use phones, Dick. I'm not sure I'm supposed to be listening to backtalk from the womenfolk.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-02 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-02 Pub. Date: 2016-11-02
Image Number: 150473
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, your ten-year-old grandson just groped me, said something lewd … and then told me if I can't take it, I shouldn't be in the business world. Yayle. CEO of the Year. 2002. My bad. I accidentally left a newspaper lying around, and he read some quotes from Donald Trump and his son. Now he wants to be just like them. "My bad" can't fix everything, sir. You're right. My bad.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-10-20 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-10-20 Pub. Date: 2016-10-20
Image Number: 149907
Caption: Mr. Trump, a couple weeks ago, you said something outrageous and I want to give you a chance to clarify your thoughts. Vancouver Taxi. Listen, all I said was I kiss women and grab their junk without permission. What's the big deal? EVERY guy brags about how he sexually assaults broads. Trump. (A) I was referring to your comment about the "Central Park Five," and (B) ... No, no they don't!
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-06 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-06 Pub. Date: 2016-08-06
Image Number: 146693
Caption: Where have all the butterflies gone, Susan? Good question. See, this is why I'm more comfortable with a female best friend. I can ask you a simple question about a bug without you questioning my manhood. Think there'll ever be another "Sex and the City" movie? Don't push it.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-11 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-11 Pub. Date: 2016-07-11
Image Number: 145816
Caption: 1982. I wanna be president when I grow up. Psht … A girl could never be president. Most people don't even like girls. Girls can't throw. Girls can't run fast. Girls watch "Care Bears." It's not what I think, it's what most people think. Most people just don't trust a "Care Bears" sympathizer who's likely to have cooties. Most people will never vote for a girl. Most people are girls, Lemont. Face facts: We're as unlikely to have a girl presidents as we are a black president.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-07-07 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-07-07 Pub. Date: 2016-07-07
Image Number: 145505
Caption: Garcia, it's come to my attention that you earn substantially less than your male colleagues, even though you do better work. That is totally unacceptable. I've discussed it with the partners, and we'd like to offer you a raise. CEO of the Year 2002. From now on, you'll be earning only slightly less than your male colleagues. I'm only slightly less disgusted. She's accepted. Draw up the paperwork.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-25 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-25 Pub. Date: 2016-06-25
Image Number: 144902
Caption: Sir, I just found out Gary earns 15% more than I do. I'd like an explanation. Well, it's simple, Garcia: Gary has a wife to support. You don't. That's why he's paid more.. Seriously, sir? That explanations the worst. But earlier you said you'd "like" it. You lied. And you wonder why Gary's paid more.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-06-20 female 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-06-20 Pub. Date: 2016-06-20
Image Number: 144897
Caption: I'm sick of people saying women earn 77 cents for every dollar a man makes. That's been debunked already. It's more like 95 cents. They earn only a nickel less when it's the exact same job. You know a lot of industries still won't hire women for the "exact same job"? I don't see what that has to do with anything.
     
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