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Candorville

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61. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-17 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-17 Pub. Date: 2009-11-17
Image Number: 40986
Caption: You the loser who's doing my little sister wrong? Treating her like she doesn't exist? Probably. Who your sister is? If you don’t start communicating with her like she deserves, I'ma crack your head like a corn nut. Tsk. Don't worry, big man, my momma told me to ALWAYS be communicable to women. ... And that's what I am to ... whatever the @$#% your sister name is. I'm coming over to stand on your face.
     
62. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-10-18 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-10-18 Pub. Date: 2009-10-18
Image Number: 39842
Caption: The other day I found out my wife's been cheating on me for six months and I can't stop thinking about the other man. I want to find him. I see. It's only natural. But it's important to realize that the other man is not the cause of your problem. The problem is that something about your marriage is dysfunctional or unsatisfying. Rather than face it, your wife looked elsewhere for a solution. You're doing the same thing by pretending the other man is the problem and if we were to just go away, that would fix everything. You have to choose: A short-term fix that feels great but won't last, or a long, hard, painful look at the unhealthy dynamic you and your wife cheated. I just meant I think she left my golf clubs at his house.
     
63. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-02-28 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-02-28 Pub. Date: 2009-02-28
Image Number: 30265
Caption: Want another beer? My own special brew. What's in this stuff, anyway? You're sayin' my fiancée's a vampire. Usually when someone cracks up, like you, I'd back away slowly. But I'm sitting here looking at your ugly face, pretending to take your delusions seriously... I'm sure you mean no offense. Plus it's making me be honest.
     
64. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-25 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-25 Pub. Date: 2009-01-25
Image Number: 29572
Caption: I'm tired of people comparing anti-gay laws to bigotry against Black folks. I mean, WE faced slavery and lynchings and beatings. Sure, gays have been beaten and killed for centuries, slaughtered in the Holocaust, and denied equal rights and everything, but that's just not the same. If it were all that bad, they'd have had their own miniseries by now. Say what? Where's the gay "Roots"? You just don't see it. Until I see the gay Kunta Kinte on my TV, I refuse to take any of this seriously.
     
65. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-01-15 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-01-15 Pub. Date: 2009-01-15
Image Number: 29376
Caption: The young slave Frederick Douglass has an odd dream… Are we lowly animals to be abused at will? Master tied Aunt Hester to a beam and stripped her bare. Then, with his face red with fury, he slashed his whip down and down until the soil below was saturated with blood. I feel you, Dog. I can't even go into a 7-Eleven without the guard lookin' at me funny. ...You poor fellow. An' if I try to get a small business loan? Forget it.
     
66. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-10-03 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-10-03 Pub. Date: 2008-10-03
Image Number: 27048
Caption: Anderson Cooper's Battle Journal: Day Four… Boot Camp almost over. Can you believe we're going to be embedded journalists? I look at the innocent faces. Kids, soon to be men. Hey, how come you never answer me? I don't dare get too close to them. Don't dare feel. Anything. Is this 'cause I took the top bunk? Awful truth is, some of them won't make it out of here alive.
     
67. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-23 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-23 Pub. Date: 2008-09-23
Image Number: 26923
Caption: John McCain's office. If you're calling to ask why we ran an ad saying Obama wanted to teach kindergarteners about sex… …when he really sought to protect them from sexual predators… Press "one". Boop. John McCain had to face much worse things than lies when he was a captive in a stinking rat hole in Vietnam! Oh, for the love of...
     
68. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-14 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-14 Pub. Date: 2008-09-14
Image Number: 26606
Caption: Meanwhile, at the studios of "Late Night with Jayvid Lennonman"… I'm totally flummoxed, sir. Come on… One of you's got to have some idea how to tell jokes about Barack Obama without sounding racist. Face it, boss! We're a late night show with a white host and white writers! There's just no way! Y'all could hire some black writers. Did you hear something? Some buzzing. Maybe a bee. "Flummoxed"? Who says "Flummoxed"?
     
69. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-09-12 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-09-12 Pub. Date: 2008-09-12
Image Number: 26604
Caption: Breaking news! Joe Biden was apprehended today sneaking into Canada… …to avoid the sex change operation the Obama campaign had asked him to undergo. "Y'know what," said Biden, "If it helps me face down McCain's female VP-pick without angering women voters, I've decided that I'll-- Click. GILLIGAAAAN... The Skipper Toooo.... The million...aaaire.. CLYDE! Sorry, my bad. Click. In other news...
     
70. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-04-01 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-04-01 Pub. Date: 2008-04-01
Image Number: 22676
Caption: Meanwhile, across town… "Dear White House, I'll no longer preach against universal health care, gays, and liberals… "…just to stay in your good graces. "You can keep your 'faith-based initiative' money. From now on, I stand on principle. Sincerely, Reverend Wilfred." Perfect. Now read the one we'll leak if the REPUBLICANS win. "Dear White House, I sure hope McCain beats those Libs. -xoxo, The Rev."
     
71. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-03-21 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-03-21 Pub. Date: 2008-03-21
Image Number: 22411
Caption: I shall do it, sir! I shall draw a series of cartoons… …that will alert the nation to the danger President Lincoln faces. THE PEOPLE SHALL TALK! THE LEADERS SHALL ACT! A NATIONAL TRAGEDY CAN BE AVERTED! You might not remember all this when you wake up. Oh. Never mind then. To be continued...
     
72. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2008-02-05 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2008-02-05 Pub. Date: 2008-02-05
Image Number: 21591
Caption: Bet the L'berals feel stupid now. Huh? Always whining about how government only looks out for big oil and big credit card companies… Well government's sending us middle classers $600 checks! IN your face, Libs! What're you spending your $600 on? Credit card bills.
     
73. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-12-16 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-12-19 Pub. Date: 2007-12-16
Image Number: 20780
Caption: On today's Sunday Morning Political Show, the hot topic is EARMARKS, also known as "pork"… …the practice of allocating tax dollars for specific projects, even if they're unrelated to the overall funding bill. Here to condemn the practice, we have President Bush from last month. Bob, the DemocRAT Congress is spendin' like a teenager with a credit card. This earmarkin' of theirs is irresponsible an' wrong. Here to argue IN FAVOR of earmarks, we have President Bush from earlier that day. Bob, I obviously see nothin' wrong with earmarks. After all...I just stuck in $15 BILLION of 'em, includin' $9 million for my daddy's projects, an' $24 million for Laura's. Bob, me from earlier today is spendin' like a teenager with a credit card. I challenge me to say that to my face.
     
74. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-07-01 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-07-02 Pub. Date: 2007-07-01
Image Number: 17788
Caption: I don't like high definition.
     
75. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-31 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-31 Pub. Date: 2007-03-31
Image Number: 16524
Caption: Ever notice how CNN's Baghdad Reporter Michael Ware always has exactly three days' growth of beard on his face? Every day, same amount of stubble. What's that tell you, Susan? That you watch way too much news? It tells you the news is all fake!
     
76. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-03-14 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-03-14 Pub. Date: 2007-03-14
Image Number: 16393
Caption: I don't know what to do, Clyde. I told Susan something witty I once heard in a movie. She somehow got the impression I came up with it. If she ever sees that movie, she'll think I'm a huge fraud. I can tell her now and face a little embarrassment… ...or I can tell more lies to cover up this one and live in constant fear of being found out. Plan B intrigues me.
     
77. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2007-01-06 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2007-01-07 Pub. Date: 2007-01-06
Image Number: 15755
Caption: Hello, Ambassador Whilting? Lemont Brown with the Candorville Courier. If you're calling to ask whether the Pentagon has virtually taken over our foreign embassies, replacing diplomacy with military force, you couldn't be more wrong. We diplomats still call the shots. We represent an American that's courageous enough to face the world with peace and openness but you didn't hear that from me. Why are you whispering?
     
78. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-09-27 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-27 Pub. Date: 2006-09-27
Image Number: 14789
Caption: So how are you planning on marketing your CD, Clyde? Oh, the usual way … I'ma hang out in that alley over that way with the CD's in a hefty bag. When bruthas pass by, I'm gonna get all up in they face an' say "Hey! You like rap?" They say "Yeah," an I'm like "Yo, buy this CD, punk!" Sounds like a winning plan. If they say "No," I ask why they wanna keep a brutha down.
     
79. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-09-21 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-21 Pub. Date: 2006-09-21
Image Number: 14742
Caption: Facing fierce criticism, ABC has decided to re-edit its new docu-drama, "Path to World War II." "When you take on the responsibility of telling the story behind such an important event, it is absolutely critical that you get it right," according to ABC. "For instance, the key scene where Dick Cheney parachutes into Hitler's bunker and kills him with his bare hands. Gone." In other news, ABC has announced a new docu-drama, "Path to the Civil War," starring Vin Diesel as George W. Bush.
     
80. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2006-08-23 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2006-09-05 Pub. Date: 2006-08-23
Image Number: 14476
Caption: Facing mounting criticism of its bombing of Lebanon, Israel insists it is acting with restraint. Israel says it is doing everything it can to avoid killing civilians, and that it's bombing only the terrorists. Israel says its bombing campaign is as careful and precise as a laser beam. Precise, precise, precise. In unrelated news, Israel has asked the U.S. for cluster bombs that shatter and explode over a broad area.
     
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