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Candorville

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41. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-12-22 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-12-22 Pub. Date: 2013-12-22
Image Number: 104853
Caption: Sup, Big L. How your family be doin'? Oh my God … Bus. Clyde … Do you feel any sudden numbness? Maybe some weakness in your face, arm or leg? Especially on one side of your body? Are you having any trouble walking? Huh? What the @#!$ is you talkin' 'bout, Big L? Clyde, you NEVER express any interest in the well-being of others ... So when you asked about my family ... Naturally I assumed you'd had a stroke. I have been feelin' sleepy at night. That a symptom?
     
42. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-09-02 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-09-02 Pub. Date: 2013-09-02
Image Number: 101087
Caption: I suppose you're wondering why I've been avoiding you all week. Well … I just didn’t want to talk about what I knew you were gonna wanna talk about. Thug 4 Life. So … How's everything, Clyde? Fine, now that Miley Cyrus tongue back in her mouth. Never thought I'd see a gecko twerking on my TV. We'll try this again next week.
     
43. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-30 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-30 Pub. Date: 2013-08-30
Image Number: 100805
Caption: I've been stopped and frisked eight times. Three of those times, the cop held a gun to my head. One of those times I had to lie face-down in the dirt. Mayor Bloomberg said it's the price I have to pay to make Americans feel safe. Aren't you an American? Only when it's time to pay taxes.
     
44. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-06-27 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-06-27 Pub. Date: 2013-06-27
Image Number: 98450
Caption: C-dog, what's the key to a good long-term relationship? C-dog's incredibly bad advice. 50 cents. The key is to always pay attention to e'rething your girl do an' say. So I'll know how to keep her happy? So you can throw all that #$% back in her face later on.
     
45. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-10-17 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-10-17 Pub. Date: 2012-10-17
Image Number: 88633
Caption: I'm havin' second thoughts about voting for Romney. What he believe seem to depend on who he talking to at the moment. Yeah. I believe I'm entitled to root through your trash to find your social security number, so I'ma say that, even to your face. Yeah. Wait ... What? It's all about integrity.
     
46. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-09-22 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-09-22 Pub. Date: 2012-09-22
Image Number: 87549
Caption: I can't hardly wait for the full moon, when I get to turn into a w. Pardon me, I couldn’t help but overhear … I think you meant to say "I can hardly wait." "Hardly" already means you can barely wait. "Can't hardly" is a double negative. It implies that you CAN wait. I can hardly believe no one's punched you in the face before now. Perfect! (Originally published on 10/2/10).
     
47. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-07-12 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-07-12 Pub. Date: 2012-07-12
Image Number: 51941
Caption: She's crazy! She's been scaring me spitless for YEARS. Have not. Very few SCIENTISTS BELIEVE AIDS MAY or may not HAVE MUTATED INTO AN AIRBORNE VIRUS!!! HOLDing YOUR BREATH is not necessary! You forgave me for that! You can't keep throwing that in my face! And what was all that mess about asteroids blowing up the Earth? I thought we moved past that. (This cartoon was originally published in 2010).
     
48. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-05-10 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-05-10 Pub. Date: 2012-05-10
Image Number: 80534
Caption: Did I just spit on his face while I was talking? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. She just spit on my face while she was talking. Did he notice? Her single drop of spit is sitting on my nose, taunting me. If I just keep talking, he'll forget about it. If I wipe it off, she'll think I think she's disgusting. Maybe he didn't notice. Gaaaa!!! It burns!!!
     
49. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-03-22 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-03-22 Pub. Date: 2012-03-22
Image Number: 77681
Caption: Let me get this straight: You have a moral objection to covering birth-control pills, even though it's often prescribed for medical reasons. I shouldn't have to pay so that women can have sex without facing the consequences. But you don't have a problem covering Viagra and vasectomies ... Even though Viagra only exists so that men can have sex, and vasectomies only exist so that men can have sex without consequences. That's different. Men are supposed to sow their wild oats. Women aren't. Who do you think they're sowing oats with?!
     
50. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-31 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-31 Pub. Date: 2012-01-31
Image Number: 75825
Caption: How many words per minute can you type? About 90. Jobville Employment Agency. Very good! (Smiley face.) How are you with Microsoft Excel, Java, C++, Python and Objective-C? (Dead smiley face.) How about PDF to ePub conversion? Now you're just making things up!
     
51. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-09-28 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-09-28 Pub. Date: 2011-09-28
Image Number: 65951
Caption: How could you make a YouTube video celebrating EBT food stamp cards? Do you have any idea how this feeds into the stereotype of black people being lazy welfare queens? Most people on welfare, an' most people usin' EBT cards, is white, Big L. But everyone in your video was black! Turns out EBT don't pay for white-face paint.
     
52. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-12 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-12 Pub. Date: 2011-06-12
Image Number: 61590
Caption: When someone doesn't return your love and devotion, it's normal to assume you should change something about yourself. Oh, you noticed I've lost a few pounds? That has absolutely nothing to do with the face that Kelly hasn't even called me for months. I've lost my appetite for no reason, and I've been working out constantly, to get my mind off nothing in particular. Hmmm ... I see. My friends are awful quiet around me. People don't know what to say to someone who's in denial. No, they probably think I'm getting way too skinny.
     
53. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-07 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-07 Pub. Date: 2011-04-07
Image Number: 59399
Caption: There's another bright side to making no money at all. Stop while you're behind. Choices. I make six figures, and have way too many choices. Stocks or CD? House or condo? 401K or shady Panamanian and Cayman bank accounts? You really are lucky you don't have to face any of these choices. Wait. Back up. I choose not to.
     
54. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-03-20 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-03-20 Pub. Date: 2011-03-20
Image Number: 58582
Caption: I'm tired of people saying that Republicans are being heartless when they try to strip labor unions of the right to collectively bargain. States are facing huge budget deficits caused by their need to provide expensive vital services, coupled with billions of dollars of tax giveaways to corporations and low property taxes. Sure, labor unions seem to agree that their members have to take pay cuts and contribute more to their retirement and health-care plans, but ... they don't want to give up their right to demand safe working conditions and whatnot. Do you know how expensive it is to provide safe working conditions? Less expensive than treating cancer? A little asbestos never hurt anyone.
     
55. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-01-03 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-01-03 Pub. Date: 2011-01-03
Image Number: 55831
Caption: I resolve to become president. "President C-Dog," ruler and master of ALL you fools. That can't be your New Year's resolution. Your resolution has to be something that's within your power to do. Oh. Well then I resolve to hold doors open for people behind me, instead of letting them smack them in the face. ... No, something that's in YOUR power to do. I resolve to watch a little more TV.
     
56. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-10-02 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-10-02 Pub. Date: 2010-10-02
Image Number: 52456
Caption: I can't hardly wait for the full moon, when I get to turn into a we-- Pardon me, I couldn’t help but overhear … I think you meant to say "I can hardly wait." "Hardly" already means you can barely wait. "Can't hardly" is a double negative. It implies that you CAN wait. I can hardly believe no one's punched you in the face before now. Perfect!
     
57. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-05-09 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-05-09 Pub. Date: 2010-05-09
Image Number: 47016
Caption: Hello? This is your wake-up call. Whenever you don’t' want to face your problems, you distract yourself with meaningless details. Whenever? You do it an awful lot. "Whenever" implies always. I think "whenever" is a common idiom. But that's beside the ... what was I saying earlier? Earlier when? Just now, or years ago?
     
58. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-04-25 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-04-25 Pub. Date: 2010-04-25
Image Number: 46588
Caption: … So there I was in the underpants aisle, when I saw him! It was my shrink! Buying underpants! We made eye contact! I know we made eye contact! But he totally ignored me. I mean yeah, when I first went to therapy he said he'd ignore me if we ever crossed paths outside this safe room, but c'mon! But then I realized, maybe this shrink did me a favor by being so incredibly rude to me. Being ignored is my worst fear, and he made me face it. He cured me of my problem ... ... By being a complete jerk-ward. I see. Fascinating. But you started therapy to be cured of your passive-aggressiveness. Turns out the world needs jerk-wads.
     
59. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-02-06 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-02-06 Pub. Date: 2010-02-06
Image Number: 43633
Caption: One second after the big bang, the universe had expanded … … And had already created the building blocks of the stars. Yet it takes me five minutes to make a tuna sandwich. Dios mio, Lemont. Let's face it: I'm a slacker, Susan.
     
60. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-01-18 face 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-01-18 Pub. Date: 2010-01-18
Image Number: 43146
Caption: Where is he, Doctor? Can I see him? Yes, but you must brace yourself. Lemont Brown is no longer the man you knew. When paramedics brought him in, he'd been beaten so badly he looked NOTHING like his I.D. … Almost as if a big muscle-man had repeatedly sat on his head. Dear God! His nose! His chin! I can hardly bear to look! He looks ... so ... shifty and untrustworthy now! He's going to need your support.
     
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