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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-17 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-17 Pub. Date: 2019-09-17
Image Number: 179499
Caption: Sir, I demand you let me fire Dick Fink. He's condescending, slovenly, forgetful, always late, and I'm fairly sure he's made two attempts on my life. You have to learn to tolerate people who are different from you, Garcia. He's blackmailing you, isn't he. I've never even heard of Vegas and I deny everything.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-16 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-16 Pub. Date: 2019-09-16
Image Number: 179498
Caption: Dick Fink, if Lemont Brown calls, can you put it through? Afraid not, ma'am. I don't work on the Sabbath. The Sabbath is a day of rest. Even the Lord doesn't work on the Sabbath. The Sabbath is Saturday. Today is Monday. I don't consult calendars on the Sabbath.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-01 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-01 Pub. Date: 2019-09-01
Image Number: 179190
Caption: I want you to work on something when you get home, minion. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. I've always wanted to have a trademark one-liner, like the heroes of all those old action movies. Like in Cobra. Sylvester Stallone was a rogue cop who told a criminal You're the disease, and I'm the cure. Or like in Total Recall, when Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife turned out to be an evil killer. He eliminated her and then said Consider that a divorce. Or like in They live, when just before he killed a bunch of evil aliens, Rowdy Roddy Piper said "I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick (butt) ... and I'm al out of bubblegum. Your task tonight is to generate six one-liners I can use whenever I squeeze unpaid work out of my employees. I'm supposed to be able to rest once I've gone home. You're the rest, and I'm the bed. The kind with spikes on it ... See? That's awful. Fix that up and give me sixe more.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-17 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-17 Pub. Date: 2019-08-17
Image Number: 178999
Caption: Garcia, if you need birth-control pills for some medical reason, just tell us and maybe we'll change our minds about including it in your health insurance plan. Seriously? Of course. Tell us exactly what's going on with your lady parts, and then we'll make our decision. Pharmacy. Do you take Massacard?
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-16 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-16 Pub. Date: 2019-08-16
Image Number: 178998
Caption: I demand to appeal this to the other partners, Mr. Fitzhugh. You removing contraceptive coverage from my insurance is unacceptable. You earn six figures, Garcia. You can afford to buy your lady pills on your own. That's not the point. Health insurance is part of my compensation package. This is like you docking my pay. I expect to be paid in full for my hard work. Communist.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-15 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-15 Pub. Date: 2019-08-15
Image Number: 178997
Caption: Let me get this straight: You have a moral objection to covering birth-control pills, even though it's often prescribed for medical reasons. I shouldn't have to pay so that women can have sex without facing any consequences. But you don't have a problem covering Viagra and vasectomies ... even though Viagra only exists so that men can have sex, and vasectomies only exist so that men can have sex without consequences. That's different. men are supposed to sow their wild oats. Women aren't. Who do you think they're sowing oats with?!
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-14 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-14 Pub. Date: 2019-08-14
Image Number: 178996
Caption: I heard the boss switched out health insurance to a plan that doesn't cover lady pills. That's right, Dick. It doesn’t cover birth-control pills, IUDs or anything. Not true, Ms. Garcia. It still covers, Viagra, Cialis, vasectomies … anything a man desires. Are you gloating? Shake shake sh - Viagra. I wish I could chat, but I have a vasectomy at 2, followed by a vasectomy reversal at 4, and a vasectomy reversal-reversal at 6.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-13 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-13 Pub. Date: 2019-08-13
Image Number: 178995
Caption: Sir, why did you change my health insurance to a plan that doesn't cover contraceptives? President Trump issues a ruling allowing employers to refuse to cover any procedures that we disagree with either religiously or morally. And you have a moral objection to women controlling their own bodies? I have a moral objection to not saving a few bucks a month. Yayle. CEO of the year 2002.,
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-12 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-12 Pub. Date: 2019-08-12
Image Number: 178994
Caption: … So I replied What do you mean your charging me $90 for my birth-control pills? My insurance covers those. And guess what the pharmacist said, Mr. Fitzhugh. I couldn't begin to guess. He said Apparently your employer switched you to a new plan that doesn't cover sluttiness. Sir, did you say to pretend you have an important call after ten minutes, or after fifteen? Five! Explain.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-29 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-29 Pub. Date: 2019-07-29
Image Number: 178781
Caption: Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character. I thought my job depended on it. I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal. You said Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy ... that's just a figure of speech. You went on to say I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech. That was a figure of speech too.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-03-14 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-03-14 Pub. Date: 2019-03-14
Image Number: 176727
Caption: Well, you look down, Lemont. What's wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Today, the White House revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about Jared's security clearance … and the Democratic party revoked my press credentials for asking one too many questions about the whole Israel issue ... and Dizzyland revoked my season pass because of that expose I wrote about their horrible hourly pay. I still can't believe so many of their Ricky Mouses and Ronald Ducks are homeless.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-03 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-03 Pub. Date: 2019-01-03
Image Number: 175659
Caption: Hey boss, it's been 2019 for three days now. I'm just wondering, when am I getting my year-end bonus? About that, minion. I've discovered that your year-end bonuses are taxable. Ipso facto, the year-end bonus actually costs you money. That's why instead of giving you $1,000, I'll be taking $1,000 from your paycheck. That way you'll owe less taxes. You're welcome. Very. Bad. Man.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-15 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-15 Pub. Date: 2018-07-15
Image Number: 172919
Caption: Hey, Rudy. How's it going? I'm not allowed to say. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. What? I failed to read the fine print. The boss pointed out to me that the contract I signed back in 2001 forbids me from chatting with the customers about non-coffee-or-food-related issues. Sub-addendum H specifically said that every time I'm caught talking about how it's going I have to pay the boss $5. So ... in other words you just told me how it's going. Loophole! That'll be $5.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-03 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-03 Pub. Date: 2018-07-03
Image Number: 172688
Caption: Sir, why won't you let me fire Dick Fink? He's blackmailing you, isn't he? He's lazy, he's conniving, he's incompetent, he's a disaster. Don't you see, Garcia? I've given you the most precious gift an executive could have: Your very own scapegoat. Dios mio, what's he have on you?! The phrase you're looking for is "thank you."
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-11-16 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-11-16 Pub. Date: 2017-11-16
Image Number: 164873
Caption: Dick Fink, I want you to find out for me if there are any book tours happening in Djibouti. Can't, ma'am. I've recently converted to orthodox Buddhism. I can't use my phone or computer right now because obviously that would interfere with my 12-hour daily meditation. You wouldn't want to discriminate against an employee by forcing him to violate his religion would you? I've never heard of "orthodox" Buddhism. Maybe the answers you seek will come to me when I reach the sixth level of meditation.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-02-07 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-02-07 Pub. Date: 2017-02-07
Image Number: 154238
Caption: Dick Fink, did you send out that company-wide memo I gave you? No way. All that stuff about "tolerance" and "acceptance" of employees of all faiths and national origins made you sound like some boring "social justice warrior." Frankly, it smacked of "virtue signalling," so I tossed it for your own good. You can't make "being nice" a bad thing by labeling it to death. You're welcome.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-29 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-29 Pub. Date: 2016-11-29
Image Number: 151551
Caption: I demand to know why you pulled me off the Trump account, Mr. Fitzhugh. Ok, here it is: We took you off the account because of several negative Facebook posts about Trump during the election. What're you talking about? I never posted anything political. Anything at all! No, but a Facebook friend of yours "liked" a negative post someone else made. We don't want to take any chances.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-28 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-28 Pub. Date: 2016-11-28
Image Number: 151550
Caption: Mr. Fitzhugh, I want to know why I've been removed from the Trump account. I spent five years winning that account. Don't look at it as being removed from an account. Look at it as a paid vacation. Permission to speak frankly? Yayle. Don't give me that nonsense, sir. I'm not having it. Either put me back on that account by the end of the day ... or I'm going straight to Donald. He gave me his personal number. I'm sure he did ... and I never said "permission granted."
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-23 employee 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-23 Pub. Date: 2016-11-23
Image Number: 151296
Caption: Dick, would you get Lemont Brown on the phone for me? Sorry, it's against my religion. I've converted to being Amish. We're not allowed to use phones, or computers, or copiers … or anything else you might ask me to do. Pretty sure the Amish do use phones, Dick. I'm not sure I'm supposed to be listening to backtalk from the womenfolk.
     
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