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Candorville

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Result page:    2  Next  (23 images)


1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-02 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-02 Pub. Date: 2019-09-02
Image Number: 179294
Caption: Lemont, I'm speaking at Career Day at Monroe high. Wanna join me? No way. Historians are all gaga over President Monroe 'cause he supposedly hated slavery. But the hypocrite owned dozens of slaves. (Sigh) … You really need to get over your fear of public speaking. Sure, he once said slaves should be freed ... then he said they should be deported.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-11 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-11 Pub. Date: 2018-11-11
Image Number: 174713
Caption: How many people bought your new book, bruh? The Worlds Where They Never Stopped Minorities From Voting? So far it's doing well. I painstakingly went through every single election since ex-slaves won the right to vote … and matched polls and private journals with every recorded instance of voter suppression and every dirty trick from the moment reconstruction ended until today ... Several presidential races, dozens of Senate races, and hundreds of Congressional races would've turned out differently. Our nation's history would've been totally different if minorities were never robbed of their right to vote. It took me eighteen years of research and hard work to piece together alternate histories caused by each changed election outcome. Is there a alternate history where you done told me how many people bought your depressing book? It's doing well.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-17 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-17 Pub. Date: 2018-09-17
Image Number: 174072
Caption: What ever happened to that book you was writing? I don't want to talk about it, Clyde. Nineteen months of secret interviews, rigorous fact-checking, dozens of clandestine 2a.m. meetings in a parking garage with over 25 deep throats … and just before my book comes out, fifteen dozen other books come out with the same !@#$ information. Run for Your Lives! An inside look at the kookiest White House in history got shelved. I ain't sure I don't want to talk about it mean what you think it mean, bruh.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-01-21 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-01-21 Pub. Date: 2018-01-21
Image Number: 166923
Caption: I got sucked into an argument with my Uncle Elroy again. Dr. Noodle. He send me a dozen article from dailynutjob.com about how George Soros is behind all the conspiracy theories about George Soros. I couldn't help it … I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would he do that??" He replied "Because George Soros is trying to make people who buy into George Soros conspiracy theories look bad." Oh my. Then he sent me article after article about how Antifa spies were getting white supremacist haircuts and pretending to be white supremacists, and saying evil white supremacist things. I couldn't help it ... I finally wrote back, saying "Why?? Why would they do that??" I thought we agreed you'd meditate whenever you had the urge to ask that question. He said "because they're trying to make white supremacists look bad."
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-14 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-14 Pub. Date: 2016-11-14
Image Number: 151016
Caption: Lemont flew to Canada to be with the woman he's fallen in love with and hasn't seen for over a year. But he paused at a random bar in Vancouver's Gastown district to cover the election for the Candorville Post. That's when the impossible happened. He found himself in the company of dozens of other Lemonts from alternate universes. All in favor of sending narrator Lemont back to annoying-verse? If he reports what he's seen, the girl of his dreams will think he's insane.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-11-11 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-11-11 Pub. Date: 2016-11-11
Image Number: 150716
Caption: 1982. How come you never play Dracula tag with us at school? It's exciting! You start out with one person being "it," then whoever he tags is "it" also. And whoever they tag next is also "it," and so on. Before long, you have a whole yard of dozens of bloodthirsty vampires chasing the one lone survivor. That's scary! Momma says it prepares girls for dating. Don't look at me, I almost never understand what momma says, either.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-25 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-25 Pub. Date: 2016-04-25
Image Number: 142409
Caption: You have any plans today, Clyde? Nah dawg, that ain't how it go. The C-Dog don’t make plans, Big L. You make a plan, you spend all day tryin' to make that plan happen. … An' you fail to capitalize on the dozens of random opportunities that come outta no place ereday. Plans is for the lazy. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-04-14).
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-02-14 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-02-14 Pub. Date: 2016-02-14
Image Number: 138656
Caption: I put spyware on my son's computer. Last night, I saw what he's been looking at. Now I feel so guilty. He was watching dozens of Youtube videos detailing the theory that Jar Jar Binks was actually the most powerful evil Jedi in all of "Star Wars." I watched them all. They showed clips from the prequels where Jar Jar was clearly using the Jedi mind trick to manipulate everyone around him. Isaac Asimov was a huge "Star Wars" inspiration. These videos pointed out how Binks is eerily similar to a deceptively buffoonish character named "The Mule" in Asimov's "Foundation" series. It's undeniable. Jar Jar was the real "Phantom Menace," and Lucas must've abandoned that whole idea when we all jumped down his throat about the character. So ... you feel guilty for spying on your child since he wasn't doing anything wrong? I feel guilty for giving George Lucas such a hard time about Phantom Menace. The man was a genius.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-05 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-05 Pub. Date: 2015-08-05
Image Number: 130585
Caption: Susan, did you hear about the EM drive? It seems to work and if so, it'll revolutionize mankind. Is it going to make us be nice to each other? It's all coming together. NASA discovers half a dozen worlds and moons in our solar system that have subsurface oceans. And at the same time, we may have developed a new engine that requires no fuel and can get us to all these places in just weeks or months. Don't you see? The age of interplanetary colonization is actually about to begin! Is it going to make us be nice to each other? I'm sorry, did you say something?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-04-14 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-04-14 Pub. Date: 2014-04-14
Image Number: 110106
Caption: You have any plans today, Clyde? Nah dawg, that ain't how it go. The C-Dog don’t make plans, Big L. You make a plan, you spend all day tryin' to make that plan happen. … An' you fail to capitalize on the dozens of random opportunities that come outta no place ereday. Plans is for the lazy.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-03-26 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-03-26 Pub. Date: 2014-03-26
Image Number: 109224
Caption: We've invaded dozens of sovereign nations. Everywhere from Mexico to Cuba to Iraq. So it IS kinda strange that we're getting so bent out of shape about Russia doing the same thing. No it ain't. Anytime a thug wanna feel like he a good person, all he have to do is condemn some other thug. Wasn't that your thesis statement in kindergarten? It's still relevant.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-01-26 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-01-26 Pub. Date: 2014-01-26
Image Number: 106177
Caption: What was that? I said "What's your latest article about, Lemont?" Seriously? Yeah, just kinda sum it up for me. Susan … I researched it for five months. I interviewed dozens of bystanders and triple-sourced everything they said. I interviewed all the key figures in this scandal: President Obama, Kim Jong Un, Carrot Top ... Then I locked myself in my apartment for a WEEK, painstakingly crafting it into a nuanced, fascinating story ... ... But you can't spend five MINUTES reading it? You want me to "just kinda sum it up" for you?! Not really, I was just being polite.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-03-26 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-03-26 Pub. Date: 2013-03-26
Image Number: 95004
Caption: No, I'd rather not watch "Game of Thrones" with you. How can you watch all that stuff on HBO? It’s all just the same show in different settings. A half-dozen characters butchering and betraying each other, an innocent one who gets corrupted, and butt-naked women. The last thing you said sort of made me forget all the other stuff you said. Never mind.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-12-04 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-12-04 Pub. Date: 2011-12-04
Image Number: 73141
Caption: I realized something today. It's been months since I checked my email to see if Kelly had written to me. Dr. Noodle. I used to check every day. Sometimes a dozen times a day. And when she did write, my heart would scratch at the door and run around in circle after circle till I grabbed it's leash to calm it down. I would live for those rare, precious emails where she'd tell me she's thinking of me and loves me with all her heart. But now I've gone months without even checking, doctor, MONTHS. For the last time, no you may not borrow my computer. But the one at the library is still broken!
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-11-29 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-11-29 Pub. Date: 2011-11-29
Image Number: 73557
Caption: 1982. How come you never play Dracula tag with us at school? That's scary! It's exciting! You start out with one person being "it," then whoever he tags is "it," also. And whoever they tag next is also "it," and so on. Before long, you have a whole yard of dozens of bloodthirsty vampires chasing the one lone survivor. Momma says it prepares girls for dating. Don't look at me, I almost never understand what momma says, either.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-04-03 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-04-03 Pub. Date: 2011-04-03
Image Number: 59018
Caption: Kelly called. She told me she was finally ready to be with me. She asked me to marry her. I told her "No, you've hurt me too much." and I hung up and swore I'd never answer another phone call from her again. She called dozens of times after that. I answered every time. She told me she was sorry for hurting me all year, and said she can't live without me. She was so in love with me. It broke down the wall I'd built around my heart, and I fell back in love with her. I told her I would consider marrying her if she could go six months without breaking my heart again. Then she didn't return any of my calls for two whole months. I swore I would NEVER, EVER answer another phone call from that woman again! Good! Today, she e-mailed me. I answered that because it wasn't a phone call. Fascinating.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-02-20 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-02-20 Pub. Date: 2011-02-20
Image Number: 57404
Caption: Hello, you've reached Feudalbanc Massacard's fraud protection department. This is Ryan, how may I hinder you? I'd like to report some fraud. I noticed my APR has been increased from 12.5% to 29.9%. … Even though I've never missed a payment, my balance is really low, and I've been a customer of yours for over a dozen years. You sent me a letter saying you jacked up my APR because my debt-to-limit ratio on a card from a different company is too high. Why does my owing someone else money mean you get to rush in and charge me more? Um ... sir, you said you had fraud to report. Haven't you been listening, Ryan?
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-09-02 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-09-02 Pub. Date: 2010-09-02
Image Number: 51489
Caption: I was humiliated but just as I got up to leave, people who'd just bought books from Stephen King started coming to MY table. Dozens of them. I've never read your work before, but I love what you said during the discussion. I teach prisoners to think about things other than their own lives, and I made your column required reading. Thank you, sir, thank you. I'll leave out the flashback about the other guy who only asked me where the bathroom was. Ok.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2010-04-16 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2010-04-16 Pub. Date: 2010-04-16
Image Number: 46249
Caption: Did you file your taxes? Yes, but I should be getting a huge refund. You know how everyone uses dozens of taxpayer-funded services every day? Oh no. I claimed 309 million dependents.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2009-11-08 dozen 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2009-11-08 Pub. Date: 2009-11-08
Image Number: 40345
Caption: I was invited to speak on a writer's panel discussion a few weeks back. No way! Why didn't you tell me? I was sick with the flu. Didn't want you to see me crash and burn. But it turned out ok. I was in the heavy-coughing stage, so I loaded up on Nyquil. Still didn't work, so I drank a couple glasses of wine at the event. What? I wasn't operating heavy machinery or anything. Anyway, then I popped about two dozen cough drops through the talk. I piled the discarded wrappers into a scale replica of chicken itza while I had some more wine. The audience started rippling like a pond after a stone's been tossed in it, and a few of them started rapidly oscillating between opaque and translucent ... Dios mio! ... Which I thought was incredibly rude of them.
     
Result page:    2  Next  (23 images)