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Rudy Park

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361. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-08 Pub. Date: 2015-02-08
Image Number: 121926
Caption: The Afghanistan war officially ended one month ago. The "Af-What-Istan what" did what? What? That's what I asked you. I said, the Afghanistan war ended. You know, the war we've been fighting for the last thirteen years! We've been fighting a war for the last 13 years? That's odd ... I don't know anyone who was in it. Did we win? Holy Moses. Woulda been cool if it had kept going for 101 years, then it would be a world record. You're the best argument there is for bringing back the draft. "Draft"? You mean beer?
     
362. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-07 Pub. Date: 2015-02-07
Image Number: 122491
Caption: Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.
     
363. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-06 Pub. Date: 2015-02-06
Image Number: 122490
Caption: You've reached Randy, The Dating Doctor. What ails you? My girlfriend. She's always dressing me in clothes I don't like, combing my hair in a way I don't like, and trying to get me to do things I don't like to do. That’s because she was impatient. Instead of finding the man of her dreams, she decided to just turn you into the man of her dreams. Run while you're still you. She replaced my running shoes with flip-flops.
     
364. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-02-01 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-02-01 Pub. Date: 2015-02-01
Image Number: 121465
Caption: Open Mike Night Presents: The Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm glad.
     
365. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-31 Pub. Date: 2015-01-31
Image Number: 122186
Caption: Sometimes I wish I were a character in a video game. What? Why? Because they can run for miles, jump, tumble, spin, kick and punch, and never get out of breath. I can't run more than 100 feet without getting winded … and in civilization, you don't ever see an archer die of old age. Simulation-envy.
     
366. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-30 Pub. Date: 2015-01-30
Image Number: 122185
Caption: You're on caller. Sadie, I'm offended by what you said earlier. Congratulations! What an achievement! I don't think you understand. You owe me an apology. For what? Nothing makes a self-righteous person happier than having a reason to think their sense of propriety is superior to someone else's. Thank me for making your day, loser! That's not an appropriate response.
     
367. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-29 Pub. Date: 2015-01-29
Image Number: 122184
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My dog seems to be incontinent. I'm tired of cleaning up after him. Would it be wrong to give him to a shelter? Oh, I don't know. Would you ship your parents off to a "shelter" just because you're tired of helping them? Wait ... don't answer that. I once drove dad into the woods, but he found his way back.
     
368. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-27 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-27 Pub. Date: 2015-01-27
Image Number: 122182
Caption: I haven't seen you look at your Me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives? It's not what you think. I'm still important. I still get alerts every few seconds that remind me and everyone around me that I have things going on. It's just that my phone's charging right now. I swear. Well, I'll help you out in the meantime ... Alert: Constant alerts don't make you a "somebody," you loser! Thanks. That helps.
     
369. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-25 Pub. Date: 2015-01-25
Image Number: 121151
Caption: What does the world need most this time of year, minion? Make no sudden movements. It needs to not feel guilty about all the broken New Year's resolutions. I'm not following you. I've created and artificial intelligence program that combs everything posted by or about you on social media ... and then decides your New Year's resolution for you. For instance, yours is to ask out Mbege Anyango from Cameroon. The A.I. was determined she's your soul mate. I've ... I mean the A.I. ... has taken the liberty of booking your flight and deducting all fares and fees from your checking. But I don't feel like going. The problem isn't making resolutions ... the problem is nobody keeps them. Your app doesn't solve that. It doesn't? Are you sure? What if I told you the A.I. also controls a used military drone I bought off eBay? Cameroon sounds lovely.
     
370. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-24 Pub. Date: 2015-01-24
Image Number: 121925
Caption: Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.
     
371. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-19 Pub. Date: 2015-01-19
Image Number: 121920
Caption: Do you think it's safe yet, Randy? No. Little buddy, I don't. But it's been like three months since the election. Give it a few more. I'm afraid I have to concur with Randy. I say give it a couple years. I demand entry! I promise not to inform you the country has fallen off the precipice!
     
372. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-14 Pub. Date: 2015-01-14
Image Number: 121461
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! The price of oil is plummeting. So why're all my stocks doing so badly? I own 500 shares of Big-Box-Store Inc., 300 of Useless-Crudco, and 400 of Mindless-Consumerism Conglomerated. With gas prices so low, people have a lot more money to blow on consumer goods, so the market should be booming! I don't get it! First of all, oil is falling because there's too much supply. And having too much gas is never a good thing. Wait ... this isn't "Money Talk"?
     
373. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-08 Pub. Date: 2015-01-08
Image Number: 121148
Caption: Happy New Year, Randy. Same to you, little buddy. Although technically you should've told me that last week. No, I'm not talking about 2015. I mean "Happy 2016." HOJ. I like to be ahead of the curve. Ok. As long as you don't start sending my family your condolences.
     
374. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-07 Pub. Date: 2015-01-07
Image Number: 121147
Caption: Boss ... We haven't had a customer all day. Not since Coffee King lowered their prices. Not a problem, minion. I have a feeling Coffee King is about to be closed due to an anonymous call to the health inspector. I have a feeling some anonymous patron is going to have found rat droppings in the asbestos Coffee King wraps its month-old tuna fish in. I can't believe even you would do something that underhanded, boss. I don't know what you're talking about.
     
375. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-05 Pub. Date: 2015-01-05
Image Number: 121145
Caption: The cutest lady I've ever seen in my life just walked in. The Love Doctor's on a break. That's ok, I don't need advice. I think I'll just ask her out on my own. Good for you, little buddy! Yeah, I'm thinking of staring at her a little too long, and then mumbling my name to her ... and then nature will take its course. The Love Doctor will see you now.
     
376. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-01-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-01-04 Pub. Date: 2015-01-04
Image Number: 120323
Caption: He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And he'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert ... I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane.
     
377. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-31 Pub. Date: 2014-12-31
Image Number: 120914
Caption: Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.
     
378. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-30 Pub. Date: 2014-12-30
Image Number: 120913
Caption: To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose. I don't know, Randy. How could I just stop worrying about losing my dream job, or losing my life savings, or losing my looks ... or losing the respect of other men and the respect and adoration of the ladies? Good news and bad. Good: If you've never had any of that stuff, you can skip right to the "nothing left to lose" part. Ok ... and the bad?
     
379. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-28 Pub. Date: 2014-12-28
Image Number: 120016
Caption: I'd like ten cupcakes for my boy's first birthday party. Are you certain, fine sir? Your little boy's first birthday party is something that'll never come again. You want to make sure he'll always remember how much his poppa adored him, don't you? Do you want him to see photos of the party one day and think his daddy only had cupcake-sized love for him? If you really loved him, you'd surprise him with our five-foot-tall oversized cake with animatronic dancing gerbil candles and gummy penguin lollipop frosting. How much? You mean, how much will your boy love you for making his childhood so magical? I hate you. But ask yourself this: Do you love your son more than you hate me? Very bad man.
     
380. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2014-12-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2014-12-24 Pub. Date: 2014-12-24
Image Number: 120665
Caption: You shoved a candy cane in my ear!! Ingrate. It's customary to thank someone when she gives you a Christmas gift. In my day, people would actually mail a handwritten letter to express their gratitude. But you young losers don't respect people enough to take time to do that. My ear!!! No, it's true.
     
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