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Rudy Park

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301. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-06 Pub. Date: 2015-11-06
Image Number: 134801
Caption: On today's "Ask Sadie" Radio Hour, we'll talk about the elephant in the room: Hillary Clinton's age. And Bernie's too. Forget all this PC nonsense, I'll just come right out and say it: Their age disqualifies them. These children don't know anything about life. I bet they haven't even gotten their first hip replacement yet. Nice to know we'll always be young to somebody. Earth is young to her.
     
302. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-05 Pub. Date: 2015-11-05
Image Number: 134800
Caption: It's flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one! Barricade the doors! Burn all your incoming mail! Refuse all pizza deliveries! The best way to greet children and loved ones during this time of national tragedy is via not doing it. I would take your calls, but I don't know where your phone lines have been. HOJ.
     
303. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-02 Pub. Date: 2015-11-02
Image Number: 134797
Caption: Did you see the "Star Wars" trailer? O … M … G!!! I'm avoiding it like the plague, little buddy. I saw the prequels. I won't get fooled again. You don't know what you're missing! This trailer is like fifty times more exciting and satisfying than all three prequels combined! In fact, I've just posted my own cut of the movie on YouTube. I just copied and pasted the trailer 90 times in Final Cut, so it repeats for two hours. It's already got 7 million views. George Lucas must need a hug right now.
     
304. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-01 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-01 Pub. Date: 2015-11-01
Image Number: 133876
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirty, that means you're a dirty, slovenly filth-beast ... who will end up alone and miserable because no living creature other than rats and bacteria will be able to tolerate your disgusting habits. And one day, even Pizza Hut will stop delivering to you for fear of running across a toxic mushroom growing from the mound of unwashed undergarments behind your easy chair. That's the polite answer. Now get ready for some straight talk ... Send questions for Sadie to asksadie@rudypark.com
     
305. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-26 Pub. Date: 2015-10-26
Image Number: 134463
Caption: The naming ceremony is one of the things I've always admired most about the Jewish religion. The baby's already here, so it's more likely to get a name that really fits. Take you for instance, little buddy. You don't really seem like a "Rudy Park" to me. I have always felt more like a "Rock Rockman." I hereby name thee "Tissue Paperman."
     
306. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-25 Pub. Date: 2015-10-25
Image Number: 133540
Caption: Harrison Ford, no question. Tom Selleck, without a doubt. I don't care if they did offer Selleck the role first, Ford was a much better "Indiana Jones." Ford was ok, but his character was less than manly. What are you talking about? That's ridiculous! Harrison Ford was the definition of eighties manliness! You're telling me the "definition of eighties manliness" could run around the world for weeks and months at a time ... and never once grow anything more than a little stubble? I think maybe you're a little biased about the whole "big giant mustache" issue. Likewise, my patchy little stubbly friend. On matters of great import, even the philosophers must sometimes agree to disagree. STOP!!! All the greatest philosophers had big mustaches, you know.
     
307. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-24 Pub. Date: 2015-10-24
Image Number: 134165
Caption: Did you hear Playboy's not going to show revealing photos anymore? What's Playboy? House of Java.net Cybercafe. Oh, right. Let me guess: You've never heard of it. Or maybe you have, but you've only read it for the articles. The only thing sadder than you telling those old jokes is if you really don't know ... Is it like Google?
     
308. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-23 Pub. Date: 2015-10-23
Image Number: 134164
Caption: Rudy, you're like a grandson to me. Thank you. You speak out of turn, you never listen, you're always whining. You have no focus or consistency, and you're sticky. You're obsessed with toys, you blab too much personal information, and you often make me wonder how soon you'll be going home. Thank you. Did I mention you don't listen.
     
309. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-19 Pub. Date: 2015-10-19
Image Number: 134160
Caption: This girl I knew from college has been texting me. I'm starting to wonder whether she's flirting. There's an easy way to tell, little buddy: What was the ratio of hot vs. cold words? "Hot words"? Hot. Sweaty. Tingly. Quiver. Melting. Breathe. Heart. Squeezed. Steamy. Crave. Soft. Sparkle. Sensuous. Tremor. If at least two-fifths of the words someone texts you are hot, you're in definite flirt-territory. I don't recognize any of those words.
     
310. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-17 Pub. Date: 2015-10-17
Image Number: 133875
Caption: Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums. Listening … If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life. Ignoring. Don't you want to sleep on it.
     
311. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-10-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-10-06 Pub. Date: 2015-10-06
Image Number: 133535
Caption: I've figured out why my life is boring. Go on … There aren't any heavy musical cues to amp up the drama, or light melodies that play whenever things are going well. My life has no original score. I don't think that's it, little buddy. You think Danny Elfman's busy?
     
312. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-29 Pub. Date: 2015-09-29
Image Number: 133158
Caption: Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.
     
313. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-24 Pub. Date: 2015-09-24
Image Number: 132891
Caption: What was dating like in your day, Mort? Very, very confusing. Women only talked about things they thought I was interested in. They never showed affection publicly because they thought it would embarrass me. For some reason, they made a point of never telling me any stories in which they had fun with other people. I always knew less about a lady at the end of a date than I did at the beginning. I don't get it. The you'd have fit right in.
     
314. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-22 Pub. Date: 2015-09-22
Image Number: 132889
Caption: Rudy, I think you're ready for more responsibilities. You mean you want me to handle our suppliers? You want me to go to Colombia and oversee the coffee bean supply chain? You want to give me an expense account? I want you to scope out our patrons and alert me if any of them seem to be good fits for me romantically. But don't let them know you're running credit and background checks on them. It could ruin the mood. Very bad man.
     
315. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-20 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-20 Pub. Date: 2015-09-20
Image Number: 131973
Caption: Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over … baseball season's nearly done. The time is growing short to see the man-meat hit home runs. Their rippling biceps swinging wooden bats hard through the air … their quadriceps pump, unbridled, while I sit there and stare. And when they slide into home plate, there's always a slim chance ... that if they slid in wrong, they're a-gonna split their pants! I don't think I'll ever be able to un-hear that.
     
316. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-13 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-13 Pub. Date: 2015-09-13
Image Number: 131663
Caption: Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the muscle. When you run out of that, you start slicing every last molecule of bone you can. The goal is to see if you can maximize your profits while running on pure marrow. That, my minion, is the holy grail. I call it The Tao of Armstrong. Armstrong Maynard. If I can ever figure out how to cut the marrow, I will have touched the face of god. Everyone has their own religion.
     
317. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-12 Pub. Date: 2015-09-12
Image Number: 132289
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada Canada Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?
     
318. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-11 Pub. Date: 2015-09-11
Image Number: 132288
Caption: Go to the History Channel. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you are just pretending to be interested in educational programming. There is a 98% probability you will lose interest in less than one minute and change the channel. There is a 2% chance you will fall asleep before then and forget to turn me off. You don't know me! Your webcam tells me your bookcase holds 147 books you have never even opened.
     
319. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-09-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-09-05 Pub. Date: 2015-09-05
Image Number: 131972
Caption: There was a fly in my soup. I'd like a refund. Ok. Where's the soup? I threw it away already. Why do you need to see the soup? You don't trust me? I'm deeply offended! Sorry. Give me the receipt and I'll get your refund. The fly ate the receipt.
     
320. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-08-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-08-24 Pub. Date: 2015-08-24
Image Number: 131657
Caption: Not cool, little buddy. Not cool. What're you talking about? Someone on Facebook posted a video of themselves making out with a ham sandwich … and you "liked" it. What? How did you know that?! We're Facebook friends. Every time you "like" something, it shows up in my newsfeed. But I thought you could only see my "like" if you've watched the video too. No ... No, I don't think so.
     
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