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Rudy Park

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281. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-18 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-18 Pub. Date: 2016-01-18
Image Number: 137962
Caption: I've decided to change the way I Twitter-slam "Star Wars: The Force Awakens." Pointing out plot holes that aren't really plot holes is the latest trend online. I've been tweeting "It's the same story as the original" even though it's not. That was fun. But that critique is so last month. I still don't think "If Rey's the protagonist, why did Monopoly leave her out of the board game" is a "plot hole." And since when has Luke been old?
     
282. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-11 Pub. Date: 2016-01-11
Image Number: 137681
Caption: Tito, I care a great deal for you, as you know. So can I tell you something? Who's "Tito"? I'm Randy. Exactly what I'm talking about. Your generation is full of self-centered narcissists. You expect people to care what you had for breakfast, what movie you saw ... ... what your name is ... Don't be one of those people, Jermaine. RANDY. (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-02-10).
     
283. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-10 Pub. Date: 2016-01-10
Image Number: 136908
Caption: I'm sorry, we're all out of mocha. Want something else? Yes, I want you to run to Starbucks and get me a mocha. I'm … what? Sorry, I can't do that. You have to. Or I'll sue. Sue for what? I saw your menu from the sidewalk. I'm not following. If your menu is viewable from the sidewalk, it's considered advertising. If you advertise a product but you don't have it in stock and you don't cross it out, that's false advertising. And that's a crime. So what's it going to be? Are you going to run down to Starbucks or do you want me to bring the wrath of the entire judicial system down upon you? I'm not sure any of that is true. But I could use the fresh air. While you're there, would you be a poodle and get me a cheese danish?
     
284. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-08 Pub. Date: 2016-01-08
Image Number: 137448
Caption: May I speak with Franklin? Who's calling? Concast Cable. Is this Franklin? I don't know you, why are you getting so familiar? Where I come from, if you use a man's first name without being friends, that's a big sign of disrespect. What's wrong with you? House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to offend you. Who says you offended me? I'm not Franklin. You've got the wrong number.
     
285. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-01-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-01-07 Pub. Date: 2016-01-07
Image Number: 137447
Caption: Months ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, I think you should laugh, love, and go with the flow - and do that with gusto! Don't sweat the small stuff. Kiss all the girls. Boys or whichever you prefer, but remember to laugh. - Bob. Pervert! If we allow laughing, then we'll have to allow cackling. Maybe even guffawing. I refuse to go down that disgusting slippery slope.
     
286. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-31 Pub. Date: 2015-12-31
Image Number: 137201
Caption: Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the café. There are like 200 people out there. Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it. I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives. I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place? Very bad man.
     
287. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-29 Pub. Date: 2015-12-29
Image Number: 137199
Caption: I witnessed something I can never unsee. What happened, little buddy? Some guy walking out of the "Star Wars" premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show. A bunch of fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him. I don't think I can ever unsee five Ewoks and a slave Leia beating a Wookie senseless with plastic light sabers. The Wookie had it coming.
     
288. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-25 Pub. Date: 2015-12-25
Image Number: 136906
Caption: It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. Yeah, how come you haven't said "Merry Christmas" yet? Oh, that's because I was hoping to provoke every who's upset about the so-called "war on Christmas" to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don't think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace. You're welcome, America. Why haven't you played "Jingle Bells" yet?
     
289. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-22 Pub. Date: 2015-12-22
Image Number: 136903
Caption: The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Star Wars.' I don't want to hear it. An alpha doesn't care to hear the opinions of anonymous strangers on the internet. People are more likely to post ill-considered nonsense if their real names aren't attached to their words. Juiceman842 tweeted the opposite the other day. Proves my point.
     
290. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-14 Pub. Date: 2015-12-14
Image Number: 136613
Caption: Randy, if you could be ANY superhero, which one would you be? I'd be Randy-Man. He came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. He's slower than a speeding bullet, because he takes his time in all things. He can change the course of a lady's evening with a single smile. I don't think The Avengers would have much use for Randy-Man.
     
291. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-09 Pub. Date: 2015-12-09
Image Number: 136281
Caption: Hi, this is Jeb Bush. Who? I'm just calling to remind you I'm still running for president. Oh. Ok, now. You have a good time. I'm also calling to remind you I'm available for speaking engagements at your large rally, small rally, bar mitzvah, or assorted car wash openings. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Would you like me to speak at your function? Oh no, that's all right. Don't worry about it.
     
292. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-12-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-12-06 Pub. Date: 2015-12-06
Image Number: 135394
Caption: I don't know what to order. So many choices. It can be a little intimidating. What's the difference between the pumpkin-ginseng latte and the ginseng-pumpkin latte? Oh, well … we prepare the pumpkin-ginseng in a way that maximizes its efficacy. A way that what's its what? We try to credibly reconceptualize its scalable organic sources. What's more, we rapidiously iterate equity-invested supply chains and seamlessly cloudify real-time infusement techniques honed from years of adaptive cultivation. But the best part is, it has this kick that we fungibly exploit, resource-leveling mindshare hormones to achieve a completely thirst-quenching network of world-class taste architectures. You know, it's ok to admit there's no difference. The ginseng-pumpkin, on the other hand, proactively optimizes synergistic reintermediate maintanable electrolytes.
     
293. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-28 Pub. Date: 2015-11-28
Image Number: 135704
Caption: I'd like my money back. The celery smoothie didn't make me lose weight at all. I've been drinking three a day for two weeks, yet I've gained 17 pounds. Did you add any sugar or honey or anything to it? Don't try to change the subject. No refunds.
     
294. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-10 Pub. Date: 2015-11-10
Image Number: 135083
Caption: You want to see me, boss? I don't approve of the websites you've been visiting on company time. They're disgusting. Immoral. They sicken me to my core. If it were up to me, minion, they'd be illegal, and you'd be going to jail. If I want to visit the Bernie Sanders website, that's my business. You're on thin ice.
     
295. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-09 Pub. Date: 2015-11-09
Image Number: 135082
Caption: Your new band is called Screaming Asterisk? Where'd you come up with that? Watching Star Wars. When Luke's x-wing fighter made it's attack-run at the Death Star, it looked like a screaming asterisk. I narrowed it down to either that or "Twirling Pizza." Wait ... don't tell me ... the Millennium Falcon dodging laser-fire. "Metal Bikini" was in the running, but it was just way too obvious.
     
296. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-08 Pub. Date: 2015-11-08
Image Number: 134166
Caption: Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other like that. It was different times. Don't judge. What were we talking about, again? You were ordering the gentle flower chamomile tea.
     
297. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-06 Pub. Date: 2015-11-06
Image Number: 134801
Caption: On today's "Ask Sadie" Radio Hour, we'll talk about the elephant in the room: Hillary Clinton's age. And Bernie's too. Forget all this PC nonsense, I'll just come right out and say it: Their age disqualifies them. These children don't know anything about life. I bet they haven't even gotten their first hip replacement yet. Nice to know we'll always be young to somebody. Earth is young to her.
     
298. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-05 Pub. Date: 2015-11-05
Image Number: 134800
Caption: It's flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one! Barricade the doors! Burn all your incoming mail! Refuse all pizza deliveries! The best way to greet children and loved ones during this time of national tragedy is via not doing it. I would take your calls, but I don't know where your phone lines have been. HOJ.
     
299. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-02 Pub. Date: 2015-11-02
Image Number: 134797
Caption: Did you see the "Star Wars" trailer? O … M … G!!! I'm avoiding it like the plague, little buddy. I saw the prequels. I won't get fooled again. You don't know what you're missing! This trailer is like fifty times more exciting and satisfying than all three prequels combined! In fact, I've just posted my own cut of the movie on YouTube. I just copied and pasted the trailer 90 times in Final Cut, so it repeats for two hours. It's already got 7 million views. George Lucas must need a hug right now.
     
300. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2015-11-01 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2015-11-01 Pub. Date: 2015-11-01
Image Number: 133876
Caption: Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirty, that means you're a dirty, slovenly filth-beast ... who will end up alone and miserable because no living creature other than rats and bacteria will be able to tolerate your disgusting habits. And one day, even Pizza Hut will stop delivering to you for fear of running across a toxic mushroom growing from the mound of unwashed undergarments behind your easy chair. That's the polite answer. Now get ready for some straight talk ... Send questions for Sadie to asksadie@rudypark.com
     
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