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Rudy Park

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221. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-09 Pub. Date: 2016-10-09
Image Number: 148888
Caption: What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set where we faked the landing asked us not to come back ... because they don't want us to realize the moon is actually a hollow spaceship they've projected onto the dome that covers our flat earth. Ooh, that's much more exciting.
     
222. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-26 Pub. Date: 2016-09-26
Image Number: 149037
Caption: Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie â„¢ Show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Crabby Lady, Why don't you do like everyone else does and do something totally our of character for you. Like ride a Harley. Or adopt an orphan from an impoverished land ... or like being NICE for once. That last one would totally weird everybody out. "Sincerely," Arnold S. Cleveland. Ok, rather than say what I really want to say, I'll be "nice" and just tell you you really put the "vice" in "advice." Advise Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com
     
223. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-23 Pub. Date: 2016-09-23
Image Number: 148783
Caption: Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You ok in there? I think I'm dying here. What? D'you need me to call 911? I don't think that'll help. I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city. Get off your phone!!! I'm saving the kingdom here! It's important!
     
224. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-20 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-20 Pub. Date: 2016-09-20
Image Number: 148780
Caption: The economy's been recovering for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy … which means we still have time to get in on the despair action. "Despair action"? We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more "sale" items, debt consolidation loans ... Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy. Ha ha hoo hoo hee -
     
225. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-16 Pub. Date: 2016-09-16
Image Number: 148489
Caption: I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.
     
226. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-14 Pub. Date: 2016-09-14
Image Number: 148487
Caption: I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think. About what, little buddy? Star Trek. The latest movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus. Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives.
     
227. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-13 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-13 Pub. Date: 2016-09-13
Image Number: 148486
Caption: You're doing too much, Mort. I don't know what you mean. Optimum scruffiness is a delicate balance. One cannot have both wild hair and a wild mustache. It must be one or the other. What about Einstein? He was behaired all over the place. The only exceptions are for hobos, bikers and the big-brained. I rode my Huffy here, does that count?
     
228. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-10 Pub. Date: 2016-09-10
Image Number: 148231
Caption: @sexygirl4u and I had a falling out last night. I hit "like" on a revealing photo she'd posted. But then I worried that was too forward of me. So I hit "like" on all 89 of her less suggestive photos so she's wouldn't think I was a pervert. Then she blocked me. I just don't understand women, I guess. I'm starting to.
     
229. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-09-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-09-08 Pub. Date: 2016-09-08
Image Number: 148229
Caption: Have you ever known anyone famous? I have. I've always been great friends with Randy "The Rock" Taylor. What? That's you. Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you. Hey, you all over there! You know me! You don't carry things with your mouth.
     
230. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147932
Caption: I don't want to choose between the lesser of two evils, Randy. Me neither, little buddy. That's why I'm not voting for either Clinton or Trump. I'm going to vote for the only American who has yet to disappoint me. I'm voting for Pocahontas. Just don't tell me anything about her that'll make me think she's a bad choice too. Did you know "Pocahontas" was a nickname that meant "spoiled child"? I'm voting for Paul Bunyan.
     
231. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-26 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-26 Pub. Date: 2016-08-26
Image Number: 147678
Caption: You called me, boss? Yes. I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we've found. I want you to stop doing that. At least until I'm done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don't need any competitors driving up the prices. Very bad man. When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing.
     
232. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-16 Pub. Date: 2016-08-16
Image Number: 147398
Caption: I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."
     
233. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-12 Pub. Date: 2016-08-12
Image Number: 147087
Caption: Scientists discovered an immense hole in Siberia. Nobody knows what caused it. Some think global warming melted a huge, gas-filled hill made of ice so fast that is exploded. Let's let them go on thinking that, little buddy. House of Java.net Cybercafe. By the way, if you ever go out to the middle of nowhere to brew your own black market cologne, make sure you don't brew it on a hill made of ice. That does not constitute an admission of anything.
     
234. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-11 Pub. Date: 2016-08-11
Image Number: 147086
Caption: Sadie, what would it take for you to provide someone with an alibi? Let's see if you qualify for a discount. Was the crime funny? No. Was the victim someone I despise? No. Was the victim a slacker? No. Oh. Well … I'll give you a discount anyway. But don't tell anyone.
     
235. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-05 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-05 Pub. Date: 2016-08-05
Image Number: 146704
Caption: Have you ever been to a funeral, Randy? Of course. Dozens. You've lost dozens of people? What happened, some natural disaster or something? No, I didn't know most of them. Wait … please don't tell me you - grieving ladies need comforting.
     
236. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-04 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-04 Pub. Date: 2016-08-04
Image Number: 146703
Caption: I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.
     
237. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-03 Pub. Date: 2016-08-03
Image Number: 146702
Caption: I just need exactly 30 minutes to go to a funeral. Exactly? That's how long it'll take me to march to the archipelago where Bajor was and light a dragon on fire in Bajor's honor. I hope you're going to tell me you're talking about some video game … because paying for your mental health care would violate my religious beliefs, and the supreme court said I don't have to do that. I dressed my pikemen in black.
     
238. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-08-02 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-08-02 Pub. Date: 2016-08-02
Image Number: 146701
Caption: I need to take some bereavement time off. "Bereavement time"? Let me check … No, there's no such thing as "bereavement time" in your contract, Rudy. I'd love to give you time off to grieve, but if I start allowing things that aren't in your contract, before we know it you'll be marrying your car. What car? I don't own a car. I believe my point still stands.
     
239. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-30 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-30 Pub. Date: 2016-07-30
Image Number: 146487
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show with Sadie Cohen, we discuss one topic: The month of August. Everyone knows the month of August is named after Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar. What many don't realize, though, is Augustus was only a figurehead. The true power behind the throne was wielded by his mistress, Sadius Cohenus XVII. This explains why the month is so oppressive and unbearable. Shhh ... she might hear you.
     
240. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-07-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-07-25 Pub. Date: 2016-07-25
Image Number: 146482
Caption: Minion, how good are you at constructing big, beautiful walls? What? Tens of millions of people watched last week's Republican convention. I don't follow. My calculations show the convention successfully scared 49.2% of them nearly to death, by making it seem as if we're being overrun by savages. There are now millions of potential customers who'd love to sip coffee surrounded by a 50-foot electrified wall. Very bad man.
     
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