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Rudy Park

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201. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-17 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-17 Pub. Date: 2016-12-17
Image Number: 152127
Caption: Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.
     
202. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-15 Pub. Date: 2016-12-15
Image Number: 152125
Caption: Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.
     
203. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-12 Pub. Date: 2016-12-12
Image Number: 152122
Caption: I'm proud of you, Mort. It's been a month and you haven't once freaked out a bout Donald Trump winning the election. That's because I made a pilgrimage to a fog-shrouded castle atop a mountain in Foreignvania. There, a renegade mystic performed an incantation that reboots my memory to November 7, 2016 every time someone mentions Trump. I'm not sure that's a good long-term coping mechanism. Rebooting! ... Hey ... don't forget to vote tomorrow, Randy.
     
204. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-11 Pub. Date: 2016-12-11
Image Number: 151421
Caption: Oh, Liam. I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! Is that why you married … my brother? … Oh, Caroline … it's doesn't matter. When the mafia held me captive in a seaside cave all these years, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of you. Caroline ... who is that mysterious stranger lurking outside your bedroom window? Is it yet another lover? No, it's me. Frank. The executive producer. You can cut all this out, we've been canceled. The market can't support more than three soap operas anymore. Everyone's busy watching Youtube. But Frank, I've got three more kids to put through college! And another thirty payments on my car! What am I supposed to do, you heartless @#$%?! Wait ... who's that lurking over there outside that other window? I don't know. It's me. Jeff, CEO of the network. We've been sold to Sputum Cable. They're canceling all executive producer contracts.
     
205. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-10 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-10 Pub. Date: 2016-12-10
Image Number: 151824
Caption: I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."
     
206. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-08 Pub. Date: 2016-12-08
Image Number: 151822
Caption: I found the most amazing Youtube show. It's about an angel who helps people. Oh yeah? Yeah. And he drives around with some burly guy with a big beard. They wear '80s clothes and don't have any special effects. It's a perfect period show. Wait … are you talking about "Highway to Heaven"? That's not a period show, that was made in the '80s. Even you have to know that. Thanks for ruining it for me.
     
207. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-29 Pub. Date: 2016-11-29
Image Number: 151569
Caption: I'm dropping you. I'm no longer going to be your personal "alpha male" trainer. What?! But … but … but I need you, Randy! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to teach me. I'm nothing without you. Nothing! Great scott … it's like you didn't even read chapter one: Reject the Rejector. I can see we have a lot more work to do. Um ... I mean "Whatever. See you around."
     
208. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-25 Pub. Date: 2016-11-25
Image Number: 151310
Caption: Have you heard the "Don't Pick Your Nose" song on Youtube? I don't listen to propaganda. The anti-nose-picking elite want us to believe it could get us sick … that it could lead to nosebleeds … that it could cause folliculitis … "Folliculitis" sounds pretty bad. Any illness with five syllables is something to be feared. If god didn't intend for us to pick our noses, he wouldn't have made our fingers fit right into them. We really should have our own medical show.
     
209. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-24 Pub. Date: 2016-11-24
Image Number: 151309
Caption: "Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! I've been wondering something for a while now: What's the point of learning math if we've got calculators? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Grandmother Cohen was helping design the Statue of Liberty. Instead of a torch, Lady Liberty was supposed to be wielding a handbag. And instead of a tablet, she was supposed to be holding a big globe just asking to get smacked. They said all the calculations showed it was too top-heavy. But I don't buy it! Um ... ok.
     
210. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-14 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-14 Pub. Date: 2016-11-14
Image Number: 151036
Caption: I'm going to miss having a cool president. He didn't walk, he strutted. Reminded me of John Travolta in his prime. The best part of the Saturday Night Fever sequel is the end, where Travolta wins and then struts out into the night to that Bee Gees song. If they don't play "Stayin' Alive" as Obama walks to that helicopter and waves goodbye on inauguration day, it'll be a crime. Sorry, I don't get any references older than my iPhone.
     
211. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-12 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-12 Pub. Date: 2016-11-12
Image Number: 150765
Caption: The election's over, boss, I don't think anyone wants reminded of it. Who's reminding them? All I asked you to do is make a few teensy little changes to our café's billboards. Change them from "House of Java beats Coffee King in 9 out of 10 taste tests: to "Crooked Coffee King is the most corrupt cafe in history. They're absolutely terrible." Nobody wants to see ads that remind them of Donald Trump!!! And change our print ads to "Coffee King should be in jail, believe me."
     
212. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-08 Pub. Date: 2016-11-08
Image Number: 150761
Caption: I'm surprised you're not out yelling "go vote!" at people through your bullhorn, Mort. I don't want to risk it. People are so fed up with this horrible, awful, disgusting election … I worry that one more mention of it could backfire and cause the entire township to just stay home and sleep. You sure it's not 'cause of all the "Trump" yard signs around here? Nonsense. I just think this year, nobody really needs a reminder.
     
213. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-06 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-06 Pub. Date: 2016-11-06
Image Number: 150036
Caption: Can I have a little water? That'll be $8. What? A cup of water is supposed to be free. It's free everywhere. Menu. Exactly. And just look at the state of America today. Bridges and roads crumbling, Obamacare costs skyrocketing … people leaving pets in hot cars, a totally dysfunctional Congress, $16 movie tickets, terrorism ... What's any of that have to do with free water?! Who knows? But we don't know that it doesn't have something to do with free water. Please ... I'm so thirsty! Fine ... whatever. $8. Trying something new even if it's repugnant is how we're going to get this country back on track.
     
214. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-03 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-03 Pub. Date: 2016-11-03
Image Number: 150486
Caption: I've been thinking about how Donald Trump said he might not accept the results of the election if he loses. Everyone says we've got a tradition of the loser accepting the results of our elections. So what I'm asking you is, is that true? I ask 'cause you're the only one I know who's personally witnessed all 57 of America's presidential elections. Could you repeat all that? I was distracted by the part where you said you've been "thinking." I don't have a good comeback for that. How about Lincoln, did he have good comebacks?
     
215. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-01 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-01 Pub. Date: 2016-11-01
Image Number: 150484
Caption: I still can't believe what happened with "The Walking Dead," Randy. That death … I don't think I'll ever get over it. Characters become real to us, little buddy. They become old friends. So when they "die," it's natural to mourn them just as we mourn anyone. No, I mean I can't believe I forgot to post a reaction video on Youtube of me crying when the death happened. But at least I got to post a reaction video of me reacting to my not having posted a reaction video. I've lived too long.
     
216. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-29 Pub. Date: 2016-10-29
Image Number: 150211
Caption: On today's Ask Sadie Show, I, Sadie Cohen, will discuss one topic: Television. It's a well-known fact that The Price is Right is the only television show that's worth watching. What most don't realize, though, is that it's a rip-off of my 1938 radio show "The Price is Wrong," in which I mocked and shamed and badgered department store managers into lowering their prices. Y'know? I'd actually listen to that show. What's a "department store"?
     
217. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-23 Pub. Date: 2016-10-23
Image Number: 149430
Caption: Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid café owner who discovers a map to the lost coffee bean of the ancients. The bean is hidden in crumbling catacombs beneath a booby-trapped Mayan temple. Braving an almost certain grisly death ... The cafe owner sends his obsequious minion to liberate the bean. Wait ... what? But the story really gets going when the evil minion tries filing for workman's comp just because he loses a few toes. Can the brave owner have his government stooge dismiss the complaint before his insurance premium is affected? Stay tuned! I don't think I get one-percenter fiction, boss.
     
218. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-22 Pub. Date: 2016-10-22
Image Number: 149921
Caption: This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Well … I hate that! I don't have time for anyone who starts a sentence with such wimpy nonsense! Um … Stop it! Anything you preface with a "well" or an "um" has a 95% probability of being complete hogwash! Just stop it! You do it one more time and I'm tracking you down! Uh ...
     
219. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-20 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-20 Pub. Date: 2016-10-20
Image Number: 149919
Caption: I've decided. I know who I'm voting for, Randy. Do tell, little buddy. Well, I decided that in order to truly be better than the rest of you, I'd have to be completely above political parties or any one ideology. So I've decided to vote for George Washington. He's the only candidate who was never in a party and had no ideology. Even if that were true, isn't being against ideology an ideology? Don't try to propagandize me with your anti-anti-ideology ideology.
     
220. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-10-18 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-10-18 Pub. Date: 2016-10-18
Image Number: 149917
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing once single topic: Undecided voters. America has the longest campaigns in the world. You've had two whole years to watch the candidates and make up your minds. Call me and tell my why you're such a namby-pamby slacker!!! ... and don't all of you wait until 30 seconds before this show goes off the air.
     
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