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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-15 Pub. Date: 2019-08-15
Image Number: 178997
Caption: Let me get this straight: You have a moral objection to covering birth-control pills, even though it's often prescribed for medical reasons. I shouldn't have to pay so that women can have sex without facing any consequences. But you don't have a problem covering Viagra and vasectomies ... even though Viagra only exists so that men can have sex, and vasectomies only exist so that men can have sex without consequences. That's different. men are supposed to sow their wild oats. Women aren't. Who do you think they're sowing oats with?!
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-11 Pub. Date: 2019-08-11
Image Number: 178906
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. How so I know you're you? Today's special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. Pardon? The real Uncle Mort always orders espresso. But a month ago, just for laughs, I took a picture of him with Faceapp, that app that show what you'll look like decades older. Then we discovered the app's fine print says you're granting the Russians who made it permission to use your photos for any reason. How do I know you're not a Russian spy surgically altered to look like Uncle Mort? (Words indicating Russian language). I mean, Don't be paranoid. Yeah ... Yeah I guess you're right.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-09 Pub. Date: 2019-08-09
Image Number: 178910
Caption: I read your one-sided article about the harsh conditions in our cozy camps. Border camps. So a few migrant kids and a few congresspeople told you the detainees were being mistreated. So what? That's just hearsay. Why don't you go see for yourself, and report the way it really is? Huh? Why? Because they won't let journalists in. Lame excuses.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-08 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-08 Pub. Date: 2019-08-08
Image Number: 178909
Caption: Remember how I said ICE detained that 18-year-old American citizen for nearly a month? He said when they finally let him go, he'd lost over 20 pounds because food was scarce in the camp. Detainees have said the older kids often give their rations to the little ones to keep them from crying because the crying angers the guards. What country is this?! Careful, if they think you don't know, they might come for you.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-31 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-31 Pub. Date: 2019-07-31
Image Number: 178783
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? Are America's best days behind us? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in grade school when the schoolmarm told little Jebediah Thistlewood to pull up his knickers. The next day, Jebediah's pa came to school and said In my day, a man was free enough to wear his trousers 'round his ankles if he wanted to. This used to be one humdinger of a country. I still have no idea what he was talking about. I don't even remember what I asked you.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-29 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-29 Pub. Date: 2019-07-29
Image Number: 178781
Caption: Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character. I thought my job depended on it. I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal. You said Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy ... that's just a figure of speech. You went on to say I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech. That was a figure of speech too.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-28 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-28 Pub. Date: 2019-07-28
Image Number: 178668
Caption: You got some money I could hold right quick? My boy Tashif Sheefy McFly Turner got arrested in Detroit, bruh. I don't know, Clyde … What'd they arrest this guy for? He was painting a mural the city hired him to paint. Naturally, the cops arrested him for vandalism. A city official came down an' told the cops what was up. So all of a sudden they arrested him for somethin' else: resisting, obstructing ... havin' a outstanding traffic ticket ... Geez ... All right, I just sent you money. I think it's great you want to bail him out. Boop boop. Bail who out? He been got out weeks ago. Thanks for the money, though, Big L. Give me back my money!
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-27 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-27 Pub. Date: 2019-07-27
Image Number: 178674
Caption: Boss, I've got a new idea. I think it'll double - no, triple - our sales. Not again. No, hear me out. This one's great. You know how we've been trying to figure out a way to keep customers from going to Coffee King? Yes. We've paid sweatshops in Foreignvania to post negative Yelp reviews ... We've planted rats in their kitchen ... and we've besmirched their name in many ways. Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them? Where's the fun in that.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-19 Pub. Date: 2019-07-19
Image Number: 178563
Caption: Why you always thinkin' 'bout people goin' to Mars and whatnot, bruh? We should fix our own problems down here 'fore we go up there. Gah! I hate when people say that! Don't you know that mankind colonizing other planets might be the single most unifying thing we could ever do?! And the tech we create to keep us alive out there could clean up the earth! And ... You're just pushing my buttons on purpose! Has some time to kill while Youtube was loading.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-16 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-16 Pub. Date: 2019-07-16
Image Number: 178560
Caption: In just one handful of soil, there are about 50 million bacteria. Oh wow. There's a biomass of billions of tons of microbes living 600 meters underground. Do you have any idea what this means, Susan? It means there's more bacteria deep inside the earth than animals on the surface of it. But on the other hand, it's all gross, so we still come out ahead. Don't get the biomass angry, Lemont.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-09 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-09 Pub. Date: 2019-07-09
Image Number: 178421
Caption: Hey, Big L, wassup? Listen, I can't make it to your barbecue tomorrow. Why not? Whachoomean Why not? What you is, my momma? My girl? My parole officer? I'm a grown man. I don't gotta tell nobody why not nothin'. Even if you don't come, you owe me for your half of the food I bought. See you at noon.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-24 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-24 Pub. Date: 2019-06-24
Image Number: 178240
Caption: I'm tired of people calling the places where we imprison refugees and the children we took from them concentration camps. So what if they meet the dictionary definition of concentration camp. Did you just think quotation marks around dictionary? We don't know that I did that.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-23 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-23 Pub. Date: 2019-06-23
Image Number: 178215
Caption: One pair of Levis, please. Which cut? Extra-slim cut. Ripped or not ripped? What? Smooth or corrugated? Uniform or multicolored? Studded or non-studded? Built-in-Millennial-charger-pocket or Boomer regular? MAGA red or Dem lining. Just plain old regular jeans. That'll be $250. What?! Special order. We don't make 'em anymore.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-22 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-22 Pub. Date: 2019-06-22
Image Number: 178165
Caption: Sir, what do you mean you restored the YouTube ad budget? I canceled that because our ads were running on white supremacist videos, and not on anti white-supremacist videos! We don't discriminate against minorities, Garcia. Not even against bigot-Americans. They're not a minority! That's it. I'm sending you to insensitivity training.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-15 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-15 Pub. Date: 2019-06-15
Image Number: 178025
Caption: I've totally forgotten why I ever started coming here. Dr. Noodle. I guess that means I'm cured, right? I mean, whatever it was, it must not be bothering me anymore. M.A. Actually, it's more likely you've repressed the memory. Stored it away where it can't hurt you ... or so you think. But don't worry, with an extra session per week, we can tackle this setback together. I'm going to miss you, Doc.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-11 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-11 Pub. Date: 2019-06-11
Image Number: 178021
Caption: I was standing by my car when some lady poked me in my bottom. You don't have no car, Big L. If one part of your story a lie, then can't nothin' 'bout the rest of the story be trusted. It's called an Uber, Clyde. No, it's called goosing. What? What?
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-07 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-07 Pub. Date: 2019-06-07
Image Number: 177956
Caption: Hi, Momma. Yes, The Giving Tree book you send Lionel did just arrive. Well … we didn't call to thank you because it just got her 20 minutes ago. Well … Yes, actually, calling you in 19 minutes ago would have been too much trouble, because we were racing out to get to day care in time. Well ... yes, I do remember how long you were in labor. But I don't see what that ahs to do with -- well ...
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-27 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-27 Pub. Date: 2019-05-27
Image Number: 177788
Caption: How come all your social media say you at the National Writers Society annual convention right now? You was there last week. You here now, bruh. Isn't it obvious, Clyde? I don't want burglars to know when I'm not in town. That's just paranoid, Big L. Since when is it paranoid to always time-shift my life by one week? There wasn't -- I mean, there prolly wasn't nothin' in your apartment worth stealin' no way.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-25 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-25 Pub. Date: 2019-05-25
Image Number: 177721
Caption: Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking You get what you pay for. Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in word or in deed?
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-19 don't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-19 Pub. Date: 2019-05-19
Image Number: 177643
Caption: NASA found seven earthlike planets, Randy. Amazing times, little buddy. And they're all in the same star system. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Almost certainly not. I'm thinking it's not coincidence. There are seven earthlike worlds in that system, and seven continents on earth. Stop! I don't want to hear any crazy conspiracy theories! Not everything is connected! Get over it, loser! I always thought it was fishy that both the first Jewish menorah and the Kwanzaa kinara have seven candles. We should have our own astronomy show. STOP!!! Come to think of it, I once dated seven sisters from Caracas, which has seven letters. Coincidence???
     
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