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1. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2019-04-04 |
Pub. Date: |
2019-04-04 |
| Image Number: |
177045 |
| Caption: |
Long distance relationships are the worst! I haven't been in the same room with "Vancouver" in a year! Lemont - maybe she's just not into you anymore. No, that's not it al all. As soon as her fifty-nation book tour ended, she secluded herself in a log cabin in the Himalayas to write her next novel. That old excuse. If it weren't for the carrier pigeons, we'd have no contact at all. |
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2. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-09-02 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-09-02 |
| Image Number: |
173653 |
| Caption: |
I read your latest article about the Fermi Paradox. It's the likeliest explanation … We've only been transmitting radio signals for about 100 years, Susan. And since radio waves travel at the speed of light, our radio bubble's only about 200 light years across. Our radio waves have only reaches 15,000 or so stars out of 400 billion. It'll be tends of thousands of years before most of the galaxy ever sees I Love Lucy. There could be 399,999,985,000 stars out there with civilizations broadcasting I Love Splorg or something, and we won't even notice it until the year 201818 ... and if most aliens skipped radio and went straight to internet, we may never, ever know they exist. Is that why your headline was We'll Never See a Splorg Get Trolled on Facesplorg?
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3. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2018-08-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2018-08-23 |
| Image Number: |
173657 |
| Caption: |
I couldn't see. The air ducts surrounding me were a void. But there was something … a whimper, up ahead. Mama … Mama … I inched toward the sound. That's when I felt a … a presence. Behind me, in the distance. My feet grew cold, as if something … dead were breathing on them. Mama! I reached the vent just in time and calmly climbed through it. Calmly don't sound like you, bruh. Who's telling this story.
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4. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-03-24 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-03-24 |
| Image Number: |
155917 |
| Caption: |
This is the Ask Sadie Radio Hour. "Lemont" in Candorville, you're on. Yeah. I'm moving to Canada to be with a woman I love. I don't mean right now, I mean maybe next month. Or six months from now. Or maybe next year. Anyway, I'm definitely going. Maybe. Please don't tell me you want to know if you're moving too fast. Of course not. I want to know if I should consider wondering if I'm moving too fast. A Train.
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5. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-03-23 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-03-23 |
| Image Number: |
155916 |
| Caption: |
Whachoo gon' move to Canada for, bruh? So what you got some perfect girl up there. That ain't gonna last. Either she gonna get tired of you, or you gonna get tired of her. Or the magic gonna wear off an' you'll find out she ain't "perfect" noway. Only way to keep a perfect relationship perfect is to end it while it still be perfect. That's why your life full of failure, an' my life be full of perfection. Stop making nonsense seem like sense!
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6. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-03-10 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-03-10 |
| Image Number: |
155383 |
| Caption: |
When did you know you were in love with Vancouver? It happened one night over Skype … I said "we must be double-planets, because our barycenter is somewhere between us in space, outside of either of our bodies … and because in our orbit around it, we're tidally locked, unable to turn away form one another." When she bit her lip and told me "that was so sexy" instead of slowly backing away from her computer, I knew it was true love. Dios mio.
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7. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-01-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-01-21 |
| Image Number: |
153409 |
| Caption: |
So you went to Canada and spent time with the perfect woman. I got one question … What the !@#% are you doing here? Excuse me? Any man with some #@%$ sense woulda found an apartment, had his son Fedexed to him, an' stayed his behind in Canada. You can't just "stay" in another country. There are rules. Gimme her number, I'll move to Canada.
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8. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-01-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-01-18 |
| Image Number: |
153406 |
| Caption: |
Vancouver was nervous, just like me. There we stood, two people who'd Facebooked every day for a year … who earn a living telling stories to millions … yet neither of us could string together a complete sentence. She drew me into her home in absolute silence ... Almost. I could hear out soft footsteps on her carpet. I could hear my own heart beating. I could hear my phone ring. I could hear her say "You gonna get that?" I could hear myself say "It's just a telemarketer." Dios mio.
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9. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2017-01-17 |
Pub. Date: |
2017-01-17 |
| Image Number: |
153405 |
| Caption: |
Ok … so here's what happened after Vancouver opened her door. Keep in mind, it'd been a year of longing anticipation. I'd had a year to rehearse what I would say and do once we met each other again. "I would stun her with my friendly smile, and melt her with my bedroom eyes ... I would approach her with a confident swagger and embrace her with loving arms ... I would whisper something charming she'd always remember." Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
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10. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-12-21 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-12-21 |
| Image Number: |
152371 |
| Caption: |
Ok … but what actually happened when you and Vancouver saw each other again? I want details! Well, after we spent a few days making up for lost time … After we were convinced that our entire lives led us to this point and we were meant to be together ... Oh wait, my pants are vibrating. I'm getting a call. For some reason, I'm starting to sense it all went horribly wrong. Y'know, what I just said to you would've made no sense at all when we were kids.
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11. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-12-19 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-12-19 |
| Image Number: |
152369 |
| Caption: |
So how'd Canada go, Lemont? How'd it go when you and "Vancouver" saw each other for the first time in a year? It went horribly. When she opened the door, it was fireworks all over again. The evening was pure magic. The next few days were even better. That does sound horrible. It was as if the great author in the sky were setting me up for a soul-crushing plot twist.
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12. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-12-16 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-12-16 |
| Image Number: |
152114 |
| Caption: |
There she is! This just got real. What if she doesn't like me in person like she does online? She hasn't seen me in a year, what if I don't turn her on anymore? What if she things I'm just a huge geek, like every other woman has? Knock knock. Eh … just play it cool. Dear god! Footsteps! I hear footsteps!
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13. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-12-12 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-12-12 |
| Image Number: |
152110 |
| Caption: |
Lemont! It's so good to hear your voice! How's Canada? How's your girlfriend? I haven't seen her yet. You know how hectic travel can be. First my plane was late … then I had to work … Then I ran into a bunch of me's from alternate universes who all warned me not to visit my girlfriend. Y'know ... the usual. Dios mio. Get out of your hotel and go see her!
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14. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-11-18 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-11-18 |
| Image Number: |
151020 |
| Caption: |
Lemont meets another Lemont from an alternate reality. Whatever you do, do NOT visit the women you came here to see. I made that mistake. We waited over a year to see each other. We were so in love. But when I visited her, I was so upset about Trump's election, we had a miserable time. It killed the magic. Wouldn't flying thousands of miles just to stand her up kill the magic too? Good point. I'll tell you what ... as a favor to you, I'll visit her for you. I'm on to you.
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15. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-11-14 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-11-14 |
| Image Number: |
151016 |
| Caption: |
Lemont flew to Canada to be with the woman he's fallen in love with and hasn't seen for over a year. But he paused at a random bar in Vancouver's Gastown district to cover the election for the Candorville Post. That's when the impossible happened. He found himself in the company of dozens of other Lemonts from alternate universes. All in favor of sending narrator Lemont back to annoying-verse? If he reports what he's seen, the girl of his dreams will think he's insane.
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16. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-10-15 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-10-15 |
| Image Number: |
149614 |
| Caption: |
It's been a year since that magical night we spent near the lighthouse, and in jail … but Vancouver and I have been texting and Skyping almost every day since. Now I’m going to see her again in just six hours. I bet there'll be actual electricity when we touch. It's good that you're tempering your expectations.
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17. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-10-13 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-10-13 |
| Image Number: |
149612 |
| Caption: |
I kicked myself for not asking Vancouver for her number … but there was still one more day of the convention. So the next morning, I strolled around the hotel, and then around the block, hoping I'd run into her. My Fitbit told me I ended up strolling for eleven miles that morning. There's a thin line between love and stalking. Turns out she'd slept in.
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18. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-10-11 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-10-11 |
| Image Number: |
149610 |
| Caption: |
My girlfriend lives in Vancouver. That's why I'm going there. We met a year ago. I'd just given a speech, and she was in the audience. Afterward, she approached me … Hello, Lemont … Well, it felt like that, anyway. Oh my.
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19. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-09-28 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-09-28 |
| Image Number: |
149027 |
| Caption: |
Divided Airlines. Another one? Out of order. Excuse me, where's the nearest working men's room? Gate 57. Which gate are we at? Gate 2. Totally unrelated question: Where's the nearest potted plant?
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20. |
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| Cartoonist(s): |
Darrin Bell |
| Comic/Cartoon: |
Candorville |
| Viewable Date: |
2016-09-16 |
Pub. Date: |
2016-09-16 |
| Image Number: |
148483 |
| Caption: |
I've been in long-distance relationships too, so I know how you feel. The fear that they aren't as into you as you're into them, but you're too far away to pick up on the body language. The near certainty that while you're hundreds of miles away, someone else has got their hands all over them. I hadn't really thought about any of that. Thanks a lot. You're welcome. Bus. 7 9 18 27 F 6 |
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