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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-26 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-26 Pub. Date: 2020-01-26
Image Number: 181363
Caption: The other day, my boy asked me if we could paint our toenails green. I said Sure, why not? without even thinking twice about it, and I painted his nails. Later that night, it occurred to me that in my day, that would've been unheard of, if I'd asked my pop to paint my toenails, he'd have accused me of being gay. And then it occurred to me, even the notion that it's an accusation is ancient history now. If someone said my boy was gay, I'd be like Ok. And? And then it occurred to me, there are millions of people in this country who still can't say And then it occurred to them, because they're all still stuck in the past. So did you paint your nails green too? @#$% no.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-17 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-17 Pub. Date: 2020-01-17
Image Number: 181262
Caption: Sometimes I wonder how far I could go in life if I didn't have a child to raise. But then I look into his little eyes … and I wonder if I'd have been motivated to get half as far as I have if I didn't have a child to impress. I told you to never do your Running Man in front of him. Now he doesn't even trust me about broccoli.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-13 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-13 Pub. Date: 2020-01-13
Image Number: 181258
Caption: That article you wrote about how we got to the brink of war with Iran was fake news! How so? You wrote it all started in 1953 when out CIA overthrew Iran's democratically elected leader and installed a dictator. That's preposterous! How so? Everyone knows history didn't even start in Iran until 1979.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-06 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-06 Pub. Date: 2020-01-06
Image Number: 181112
Caption: I read your article where you called Mayor Pete's high-dollar wine cave fundraisers corrupt. That's so unfair, Lemont. For the sake of argument … hypothetically speaking, of course … Let's say someone showered Pete with cash in the wine cave in the hope that he'd throw his campaign's business to her P.R. firm ... but she didn't explicitly say that, she only stuck her business card between the $1,000 bills ... Go on ...
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2020-01-01 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2020-01-01 Pub. Date: 2020-01-01
Image Number: 181017
Caption: And you know how else we've come full circle since the last twenties? A wave of authoritarianism was washing over the world, and Americans didn't seem to care. A love of Americans even admired the dictators. This @#$% right here is why I kicked you out of my new year's party. My recitation of Charlie Chaplin's famous speech from The Great Dictator, moved everyone so much they were speechless.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-25 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-25 Pub. Date: 2019-12-25
Image Number: 180956
Caption: Rosencrantz, did you enjoy your Christmas gift? I chose it personally, months ago, because I knew it would suit you. What are you talking about? You didn't give me anything, Tyrone. Exactly. Therefore you won't shave to worry about it breaking or being stolen. I have given you freedom from worry. That is the greatest gift anyone can give. I want to exchange it.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-22 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-22 Pub. Date: 2019-12-22
Image Number: 180854
Caption: Big L, you seen a doctor yet 'bout that heart attack you had? I didn't have a heart attack, Clyde. All I had was pain in my arm, between my shoulder blades, in my hest, jaw and upper abdomen. Plus I was dizzy, fatigued and had heartburn. That could've been anything, and anyway, I took care of it myself. I started biking, gave up red meat, etc ... just incase. Anyway, I don't have health insurance. I earn too much for Medicaid ad too little to pay the Obamacare premiums. I got a solution for you, bruh ... Ok ... as long as it doesn't involve identity theft, fake IDs and possible jail time. Hm ... well, then I got a different solution for you ... As long as it doesn't involve sneaking into another country. Well ... then I got a different solution ...
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-20 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-20 Pub. Date: 2019-12-20
Image Number: 180859
Caption: I don't see why you're so upset, Lemont. Well, maybe it's because when I told someone the inspirational story of Hazel Scott … I didn't expect them to go back to their ad agency and create a soda-sola campaign featuring a deepfake of Hazel Scott. There's absolutely nothing wrong with digitally using a departed celebrity's likeness to create something touching, beautiful and lucrative! Is somebody's conscience eating at her? I don't have to stand here and take this.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-17 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-17 Pub. Date: 2019-12-17
Image Number: 180856
Caption: How could you not know your Momma had Hazel Scott piano in her basement your whole life? I never went down there. Momma said it was off-limits. And since I was a good kid, I respected her wishes. You sure it wasn't 'cause you know she'd whup that !@#$? Momma didn't believe in corporal punishment. She always did respect the troops. What? What?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-16 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-16 Pub. Date: 2019-12-16
Image Number: 180855
Caption: I ever tell you 'bout that old piano, bruh? Huh? Which old piano? The one your momma been havin' in the corner of her basement since as long as I can remember. I used to pick the lock an' play the mess out of it while you was in school. It had Property of Hazel Scott engraved on it. I didn't think twice 'bout that. Wasn't till last night I thought to look up who Hazel scott was. How did your Momma get that goddess's piano? You used to break into my Momma's basement?! Focus, Big L. Focus.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-14 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-14 Pub. Date: 2019-12-14
Image Number: 180770
Caption: Armstrong, have you seem my phone? Indeed I have, minion. I've trained the café's rodents to abscond with unattended cellphones, which I then return to patrons, earning their gratitude and loyalty. You did not. No, I didn't. But it's always been a dream of mine. Very bad man. Thank you for the opportunity to role play.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-12-11 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-12-11 Pub. Date: 2019-12-11
Image Number: 180767
Caption: 1982. Last night I looked across the alley and saw your light on, but you weren't answering your tin can. I didn't know you called me. Maybe the string wasn't tight enough to receive the call. But I was busy anyway. I was writing to my pen pal. Chuck's been having trouble working up the courage to talk to some little red-haired girl. He was even too timid to try my suggested pull her hair ice-breaker. That's my best move. I don't know why you men think us women like that. Try my can again tonight, I'll try to get better reception.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-28 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-28 Pub. Date: 2019-11-28
Image Number: 180581
Caption: Hi Momma, what time should we be there for Thanksgiving dinner? Well, we would be me, Lionel, Clyde and Susan. No, Momma, of course I didn't say Clyde! Mumbled it. Whachoomean they ain't no Thanksgiving this year? It's … a … pre leap-year related thing, Clyde.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-27 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-27 Pub. Date: 2019-11-27
Image Number: 180580
Caption: What do you mean you're gonna be all alone on Thanksgiving? Plans fell through, bruh. Erebody canceled. Peanut … Big Oatmeal … Clarence … I'd just chill wit' you at your momma house, but she think I'm a bad influence. She ain't never liked me. (Sigh) I've been telling you since we were eight, she did not poison your cranberry sauce. Your momma cold-blooded.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-25 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-25 Pub. Date: 2019-11-25
Image Number: 180571
Caption: I can't stand it when black people whine about so-called racism. We live in a country where hundreds of thousands of white people died in a civil war to end slavery. How could people still think racism is a big part of this country in light of that history? Well, first of all ... didn't 260,000 of those Americans die trying to keep slavery? Ancient history. Has nothing to do with anything.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-02 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-02 Pub. Date: 2019-11-02
Image Number: 180107
Caption: If I promise to get you a new book tomorrow, will you go to sleep? Awe you exthtowting me? Am I Ukwaine? What do you mean Am I Ukraine? Where did you hear language like extorting? Are you listening at my door while I'm watching the news, again? You know you're not supposed to do that. If you'we impeached, do I become the new daddy? Go ... to ... sleep.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-30 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-30 Pub. Date: 2019-10-30
Image Number: 180104
Caption: You really need to stop conducting experiments on your readers. What? All I did was run a page of news about Democrats. And then the next day, I ran the same news only I switched the Democratic names out for Republican ones. And then almost every commenter who bashed the politicians the first day made excuses for them the second day. And vice versa. Your readers are not lab rats, Lemont. Of course they're not. the rats responses the same way both days.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-28 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-28 Pub. Date: 2019-10-28
Image Number: 180102
Caption: I wish you'd stop bashing Hillary Clinton, Lemont. I didn't bash her. All I did was write an article saying it was irresponsible to accuse Tulsi Gabbard of being a stooge of Russia without better evidence. I didn't know you were a Tulsi supporter. You don't have to be a supporter to speak up when someone's treated unfairly. What species do you think you belong to? Homo Fairpiens.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-22 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-22 Pub. Date: 2019-10-22
Image Number: 180021
Caption: Facebook. Messages. From Sasha Mitchell. Lemont? You haven't responded in a while. I know it's my fault. I never wanted to hurt you, Sunshine. But that's exactly why I went away for so many years. I loved you so much that I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My husband Webster blamed you for everything. He said you Put it in my head that he was abusive. I didn't want you getting caught up in all my drama. My horrible divorce ... my custody battle ... Webster putting out a contract on your life ... Are you there? I ... understand why you don't want to respond. Sorry. had to take a potty break. Where were we? Do not scroll up. Tap tap tap t -
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-10-10 didn't 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-10-10 Pub. Date: 2019-10-10
Image Number: 179807
Caption: Lately I've been thinking about quitting the agency and starting a Folklorico dance group. Say what? Remember how much I loved being in Ensables Ballet Folklorico back in college? Yeah. I was really good at it, too. And I don't think I've ever felt as happy as I did on stage. Maybe this is just your midlife crisis talking. Mumblety - three is NOT midlife anymore!!! If you say so.
     
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