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Candorville

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21. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-21 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-21 Pub. Date: 2016-04-21
Image Number: 142115
Caption: I signed my child up for preschool. Say what? You don't have a child, Susan. You don't even want children. You seem to be allergic to them. I know. But I like to prepare for anything. What if, years or decades from now, I change my mind? Waiting lists are way too long for the good preschools. I want "Justin Case" to have the best start in life ... That's the name I put down.
     
22. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-25 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-25 Pub. Date: 2016-03-25
Image Number: 140812
Caption: Harrison Ford gonna play Indiana Jones again. He gonna be 77 years old. That mean the movie gonna have to be set in the 1980s. They already done found everything by the eighties. What there was for an archaeologist to do in the eighties? I'll tell you what: In 1984, archaeologists found a sunk slave ship called the "Whydah Gally." The '80s story I'm picturin' got it all: jheri curls, leg warmers, an' 200 ticked off slave ghosts bent on revenge. That's ... wait, I'd watch the heck out of that.
     
23. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-11 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-11 Pub. Date: 2016-03-11
Image Number: 140182
Caption: I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it's not too late. When I was nine, momma asked me if I wanted guitar lessons. But I told her no, because I thought I was too old. Clyde had been playing guitar since he was three. At nine, I thought I had already missed my chance. If I'd started learning when I was nine, I'd have been playing for decades now. I'd be a master at it by now. Well why don't you take some lessons now? Are you kidding? At MY age?
     
24. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-06 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-06 Pub. Date: 2015-09-06
Image Number: 131719
Caption: I want two things from our next president. First, I want him to be America's greatest cheerleader. I want him to constantly say that America is "exceptional." I don't want him focusing on "police brutality" and all the other things that make us look bad. I want him to make sure the whole world knows that the USA is the best place to live that there's ever been, in the whole history of mankind. What's the second thing you want? I want him to do something about all the foreigners who're so desperate to come live here that they can't wait a few measly decades to do it legally. Exoneration Nation. But ... I thought you wanted him to make America seem like it's the only place worth living. Not in an invitationy way ... more as a "nanny-nanny-na-na."
     
25. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-03 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-03 Pub. Date: 2015-08-03
Image Number: 130583
Caption: I don't understand why Bernie Sanders isn't polling better among minorities, Clyde. He's our best ally in the race. He's fought against mass incarceration and mandatory minimum sentences for decades. He wants undergraduate education to be free to students, like K-12. He's strong on voting rights ... Yeh, but bruh ... the man name is "Bernie." That's like Bert an' Ernie put together. A muppet don't have no business askin' for my vote. I can't believe your vote counts as much as mine.
     
26. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-07-23 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-07-23 Pub. Date: 2015-07-23
Image Number: 129959
Caption: I read ain't nobody bought that new Janet Jackson song, "No Sleeep". An' Mariah Carey' an' Jennifer Lopez' new stuff ain't catchin' fire neither. It like the country decide to automatically reject anything that was big in the nineties, bruh. Wait … is this what you meant when you said you had "evidence" Hillary Clinton is going to lose? Just thought you'd want a heads-up.
     
27. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-27 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-27 Pub. Date: 2015-03-27
Image Number: 124645
Caption: Tyrone, in all the decades we've known each other, I've never once heard you sing. I sing all the time, Rosencrantz. When I see a child smile, my heart sings. When I find a tasty burger in the dumpster, my taste buds sing. Those who sing on the inside don't have to sing on the outside. Lean on me ... when you're not strong, I'll be your ... Stop being an exhibitionist. Spare change?
     
28. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-26 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-26 Pub. Date: 2015-03-26
Image Number: 124644
Caption: If you could go back in time ten years, but you couldn't come back, and you would not be ten years younger … would you do it? Only if I were an idiot. But if you went into the past, you could invest wisely and get rich. Yeah, but I'd die ten years earlier. We may only be decades away from figuring out how to end aging, or how to upload our consciousness to immortal android bodies. If I die ten years early, I might miss out on that. You know that stuff would only be for rich people, right? I've got $8,000 in an IRA.
     
29. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-03-25 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-03-25 Pub. Date: 2015-03-25
Image Number: 124643
Caption: An MIT study shows "Mars One" colonists would suffocate, starve and be incinerated. I don't get it. We've been keeping people alive on the space station for months at a time, for decades. What makes us think we can't keep them alive on Mars? For that matter, why don't we have cities on the moon by now? We can do it. Mankind is the most underachieving species in the history of all species. Nah, dawg. Dolphins be lazy, bruh.
     
30. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-31 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-31 Pub. Date: 2015-01-31
Image Number: 121966
Caption: What's life all about? Death. Erethang we do be about getting' what we can while we can. We ain't got but seven, eight decades to get all the naps, all the money, all the lovin', all the eatin', an all the tv-watchin' we can. I think we can do more than that in eight decades, Clyde. Life's about findin' five things you good at an' explorin' them to they fullest. You can't "explore" napping.
     
31. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-01-06 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-01-06 Pub. Date: 2015-01-06
Image Number: 121077
Caption: I have to admit something, Susan. You love me? You want us to be more than friends? I actually like "Star Trek: Enterprise" now. I think I used to hate it because it wasn't what I wanted it to be, but after a decade, I've rewatched it on Netflix, and to my complete surprise ... I've really come to enjoy it for what it is. That's very important to do. Yeah. Yeah, it is.
     
32. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-11-30 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-11-30 Pub. Date: 2014-11-30
Image Number: 118798
Caption: Sometimes I wish my mom and all my ancestors had decided to have kids much later in life. What? Why? A few years ago, I read that a Harvard research team discovered a way to reverse the aging process in mice. That could lead to a cure for aging - a cure for death itself - just a few decades from now. If just my last ten generations of ancestors had waited till their forties to have kids, I wouldn't have been born till the year 2080, or so. If they'd each just kept it zipped for two measly decades, it's possible I'd get to be immortal. My own ancestors have condemned me to death. How thoughtless of them. Oh no ... I already have a son ... I've perpetuated the cycle of violence.
     
33. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-10-06 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-10-06 Pub. Date: 2014-10-06
Image Number: 117062
Caption: If we could live forever, I think that would put an end to violence. Really? Yeah. Most violence is just a symptom of out short time-horizon. We only have a few decades to live, so we're all desperate to get what we can while we can. Did you know some turtles are practically immortal? Turtles? When's the last time you saw a turtle launch a cruise missile at anyone. Dios mio. And turtle drive-by's are almost unheard of.
     
34. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2014-09-19 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2014-09-19 Pub. Date: 2014-09-19
Image Number: 116482
Caption: What ever happened to Cuba Gooding Jr? What do you mean, Susan? His career's just over. It's like he went into the witness protection program or something. What are you talking about? He's been in about three movies a year for at least a decade. Nothing I've seen. If a tree falls in Hollywood but Susan Garcia doesn't hear it, it still makes a sound.
     
35. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-17 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-17 Pub. Date: 2013-08-17
Image Number: 100294
Caption: You know what I hate worse than almost anything, Clyde? When I tell someone over and over again, for decades, not to eat my food without asking but they do it anyway. Thank God for Culture Clash. You know what else I can't stand? Throwing out egg salad just because it's gone really, really bad. I mean, even rotten egg salad has it's uses. I'm gonna get you for thi- OGAWD!
     
36. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2013-08-14 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2013-08-14 Pub. Date: 2013-08-14
Image Number: 100291
Caption: Breaking news: The Boston Globe has been sold for $70 million. In more breaking news, The Washington Post has just been sold for $250 million. These sale prices are nowhere near the $1.1 billion a paper like the Globe pulled in just two decades ago. Why is that, Chuck? Well for one thing, "Breaking news" is reported much faster online than in print. Breaking news: a future king has just been born in Britain!
     
37. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-02-12 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-02-12 Pub. Date: 2012-02-12
Image Number: 75766
Caption: Dear idiot … I read your latest blog post about how Obama's critics are "goofy" for acting as if Obama invented the concept of progressive taxation. You went on to cite all the progressive tax rates of the last 150 years … … and "pointed out" that the rates Obama wants are actually far less than what we had decades ago. It's awfully "goofy" of YOU to pretend something isn't radical and new just because it's been around forever. THE WHOLE COUNTRY NEEDS TO BE SLAPPED WITH A DICTIONARY. His plan to stick to progressive taxation is RADICAL and NEW, just like it as been ever since 1862.
     
38. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2012-01-25 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2012-01-25 Pub. Date: 2012-01-25
Image Number: 75719
Caption: I'm tired of liberals saying republicans are playing political games, just because we're requiring voters to show IDs. I mean, sure, blacks are far less likely to have state-issued IDs. And sure, you need a birth certificate to get one, and the poor can't easily afford that. And sure, plenty of elderlies couldn't buy one even if they could afford it, because the state lost their certificates decades ago. ... And sure, all those demographics are likely to vote democrat. What was I saying? Lost my train of thought.
     
39. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-10-16 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-10-16 Pub. Date: 2011-10-16
Image Number: 66180
Caption: Dr. Noodle. Nobody talks about me anymore. I'm a has-been. A nobody. Like you. No offense, buddy. None taken. None of the big stores is even mentioning me. Mr. Claus ... you do know it's October, right? Don't rub it in, pal. In the nineties, when things were going great, stores would be all up in my business, talking about me as early as Labor Day. It's tough to cope with the loss of celebrity. But with a lot of hard work, you can avoid the usual downward spiral of booze, womanizing and rehab. Focus on bettering yourself. Shed your anger. Learn yoga. Lose weight. How'd you like a lifetime supply of coal, buddy?
     
40. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2011-06-01 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2011-06-01 Pub. Date: 2011-06-01
Image Number: 61586
Caption: So the judge ruled out DNA. I still have hundreds of pictures of Lionel and me together that prove I'm his dad. I have pictures of me and the Three Stooges together. Photoshop is so WIN! I miss the '90s. Look: it's me, you and Justin Bieber.
     
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