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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-21 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-21 Pub. Date: 2019-11-21
Image Number: 180467
Caption: The next election may be the last election. Russia hacked election systems in all fifty states last time. All signs point to that being just a trial run. And since one of our parties has spent the last couple decades suppressing votes, half the country has been trained not to care whether elections are fair. I think all votes should count, when they're cast by the right people. I heard that.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-20 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-20 Pub. Date: 2019-08-20
Image Number: 179094
Caption: Hey, Turbo, it's Lemont. We haven't spoke in decades, and I don't even remember why. Something about me not caring how you felt about stuff, or whatever. Well, actually, no I don't want to let bygones be bygones. I'm writing a memoir, so I'm hoping you can remind me what happened ... Hello?
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-11 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-11 Pub. Date: 2019-08-11
Image Number: 178906
Caption: I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. How so I know you're you? Today's special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. Pardon? The real Uncle Mort always orders espresso. But a month ago, just for laughs, I took a picture of him with Faceapp, that app that show what you'll look like decades older. Then we discovered the app's fine print says you're granting the Russians who made it permission to use your photos for any reason. How do I know you're not a Russian spy surgically altered to look like Uncle Mort? (Words indicating Russian language). I mean, Don't be paranoid. Yeah ... Yeah I guess you're right.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-14 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-14 Pub. Date: 2019-07-14
Image Number: 178556
Caption: According to Elon Musk, time travel is possible. I can't wait to time-travel. Elon Musk said time travel is possible? Well, not in so many words. He said it's almost a certainty that we're living in a simulation being run by our descendants in the distant future. His reasoning makes sense. In just my lifetime, we went from "Pac-Man" to "The Sims," where Sims live, work, fall in love, have kids ... and in a few decades, the Sims will be artificially intelligent and they'll actually believe they're experiencing all that. If we're artificially intelligent Sims, then anything is possible. What time travel to be possible? Just wait for the Great Programmer to install the "time travel" expansion pack. Want to live forever? Get him to install the "immortality" expansion pack. According to Elon Musk, I'm one expansion pack away from being a billionaire playboy. Nothing doing. the Great Programmer exhausted all his "miracle" expansion packs 2,000 years ago. But he's still got some "delusion" expansions. (This cartoon was originally published on 2016-07-10).
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-10 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-10 Pub. Date: 2018-09-10
Image Number: 173982
Caption: Did you know they've probably found the advanced, lost city of Atlantis, Susan? They found it decades ago in the Sahara Desert. They call it The Eye of Africa. It fits almost every description Plato wrote: Equidistant, concentric rings of land and what probably used to be water ... mountains to the north showing evidence of ancient rivers, etc. You'd think an army of archeologists would've gone there by now to explore ... but nope. Nothing. I still don't think it's true that They don't want to admit Africa ever created anything. Do you have any idea how many people insist aliens must've built the pyramids.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-05-03 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-05-03 Pub. Date: 2018-05-03
Image Number: 171055
Caption: Did you know that Chicago's water is full of brain-damaging lead, jut like in Flint? It's probably been there for decades. Did you know studies have shown links between childhood lead exposure and violent crime? Did you know that plenty of other cities that have lots of violent crime also have ancient lead pipes bringing water into their homes? Did you know that nobody seems to be able to put two and two together? Prob'ly 'cause of all that lead.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-20 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-20 Pub. Date: 2018-04-20
Image Number: 170578
Caption: I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it's not too late. When I was nine, momma asked me if I wanted guitar lessons. But I told her no, because I thought I was too old. Clyde had been playing guitar since he was three. At nine, I thought I had already missed my chance. If I'd started learning when I was nine, I'd have been playing for decades now. I'd be a master at it by now. Well why don't you take some lessons now? Are you kidding? At my age?
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-01 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-01 Pub. Date: 2017-12-01
Image Number: 165421
Caption: We're all the same. I don't know what you mean, bruh. I've been thinking about the "one electron theory." All electrons are identical. The best explanation for that is they're all the same exact electron. This single electron travels back and forth through time over and over again, forming everything that exists. The theory's been around for decades. Sometimes scientists think it's valid, other times they think it's nonsense. It goes back and forth ... just like the electron. If this all the case, you giving me $3 would be the same as you keeping your $2.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-10-14 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-10-14 Pub. Date: 2017-10-14
Image Number: 163633
Caption: When I was four, Rosencrantz, I was convinced the world only existed when I was looking at it. A blank expanse of nothingness lurked beyond every corner, until I rounded it and my mind brought another vista into being. Imagine my shock and my jealousy when, decades later, the scientist Robert Lanza proposed the very same idea, to great acclaim. But then I remembered that Robert Lanza didn't exist until I conjured him from the ether, so the acclaim belongs to me after all. Wouldn't it belong to whoever conjured you?
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-09-07 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-09-07 Pub. Date: 2017-09-07
Image Number: 162345
Caption: Tyrone, in all the decades we've known each other, I've never once heard you sing. I sing all the time, Rosencrantz. When I see a child smile, my hearts sings. When I find a tasty burger in the dumpster, my taste buds sing. Those who sing on the inside don't have to sing on the outside. Lean on me ... when you're not strong, I'll be your ... Stop being an exhibitionist. Spare change?
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-08-28 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-08-28 Pub. Date: 2017-08-28
Image Number: 162087
Caption: You know how Marvel had heroes star in separate movies, and then they all united in "The Avengers"? And then on Netflix Marvel had separate series, and then they all united in "The Defenders"? Why don't newspaper comic strips do that? You've got a couple hundred separate characters who've been building an audience for decades. What if the protagonists from "The Oldersons," "23 Skiddoo" and "Should've Ended in 1950" got together? It'd be epic. They could call it "The Dependers." Careful, you ain't all that young neither, bruh.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-04-03 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-04-03 Pub. Date: 2017-04-03
Image Number: 156465
Caption: So what if you can't get a mortgage to buy a house? If you really want to move to Canada, why not just rent? Because I've live in the same tiny $600 rent-controlled apartment my whole adult life, I've saved every month for decades, and I haven't bought a new computer since 2003. I've done all this so that one day I could afford to buy a house and have something to leave my son. Spending fifty billion dollars a month on rent might make that a little hard to do. You're exaggerating ... a little.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-03-04 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-03-04 Pub. Date: 2017-03-04
Image Number: 155071
Caption: What's life all about? Death. Erethang we do be about getting' what we can while we can. We ain't got but seven, eight decades to get all the naps, all the money, all the lovin', all the eatin', an all the tv-watchin' we can. I think we can do more that that in eight decades, Clyde. Life's about findin' five things you good at an' explorin' them to they fullest. You can't "explore" napping.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-09-11 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-09-11 Pub. Date: 2016-09-11
Image Number: 147720
Caption: Remember that time Donald Trump tried to "reach out to black voters"? Of course. That was just last month. The same day he tried to "reach out," he was asked about his "Make America Great Again" thing. They asked him what period in American history was "great." Trump said the '80s and the Industrial Revolution era, which was in the 1800s. In the '80s, there was that "drug war" that put more black people in jail than white people for havin' basically the same drugs. Plus we had to wear them short gym shorts. No dude should wear shorts that short. Ever. For a couple obvious reasons ... An' if there's one way to reach out to black people, it's to tell us the 1800s was good times. Just to be fair, there's no evidence he actually knows what happened in the 1800s.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-08-30 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-08-30 Pub. Date: 2016-08-30
Image Number: 147920
Caption: That trailer for Eddie Murphy's "Mr. Church" don't look like nothin' but "Driving Miss Daisy Part 2." It look like it literally a film about a brotha who spend decades serving white people an' tryin' to be part of they family instead of makin' his own. I was willin' to look the other way when he was talkin' to animals, and when a tree made him shut up for a whole movie, an' when he played a donkey. But when he play a black man who want nothin' outta life but to cook grits for two white women, I draw the line. It's a true story!!! That makes it ok.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-04-21 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-04-21 Pub. Date: 2016-04-21
Image Number: 142115
Caption: I signed my child up for preschool. Say what? You don't have a child, Susan. You don't even want children. You seem to be allergic to them. I know. But I like to prepare for anything. What if, years or decades from now, I change my mind? Waiting lists are way too long for the good preschools. I want "Justin Case" to have the best start in life ... That's the name I put down.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-25 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-25 Pub. Date: 2016-03-25
Image Number: 140812
Caption: Harrison Ford gonna play Indiana Jones again. He gonna be 77 years old. That mean the movie gonna have to be set in the 1980s. They already done found everything by the eighties. What there was for an archaeologist to do in the eighties? I'll tell you what: In 1984, archaeologists found a sunk slave ship called the "Whydah Gally." The '80s story I'm picturin' got it all: jheri curls, leg warmers, an' 200 ticked off slave ghosts bent on revenge. That's ... wait, I'd watch the heck out of that.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2016-03-11 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2016-03-11 Pub. Date: 2016-03-11
Image Number: 140182
Caption: I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it's not too late. When I was nine, momma asked me if I wanted guitar lessons. But I told her no, because I thought I was too old. Clyde had been playing guitar since he was three. At nine, I thought I had already missed my chance. If I'd started learning when I was nine, I'd have been playing for decades now. I'd be a master at it by now. Well why don't you take some lessons now? Are you kidding? At MY age?
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-09-06 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-09-06 Pub. Date: 2015-09-06
Image Number: 131719
Caption: I want two things from our next president. First, I want him to be America's greatest cheerleader. I want him to constantly say that America is "exceptional." I don't want him focusing on "police brutality" and all the other things that make us look bad. I want him to make sure the whole world knows that the USA is the best place to live that there's ever been, in the whole history of mankind. What's the second thing you want? I want him to do something about all the foreigners who're so desperate to come live here that they can't wait a few measly decades to do it legally. Exoneration Nation. But ... I thought you wanted him to make America seem like it's the only place worth living. Not in an invitationy way ... more as a "nanny-nanny-na-na."
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2015-08-03 decade 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2015-08-03 Pub. Date: 2015-08-03
Image Number: 130583
Caption: I don't understand why Bernie Sanders isn't polling better among minorities, Clyde. He's our best ally in the race. He's fought against mass incarceration and mandatory minimum sentences for decades. He wants undergraduate education to be free to students, like K-12. He's strong on voting rights ... Yeh, but bruh ... the man name is "Bernie." That's like Bert an' Ernie put together. A muppet don't have no business askin' for my vote. I can't believe your vote counts as much as mine.
     
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