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Candorville

Comics about things that are dead .

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-11-10 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-11-10 Pub. Date: 2019-11-10
Image Number: 180284
Caption: My Uncle Elroy passed away. I have so many regrets. We were never all that close. But he was always there, for all my graduations, for all the family dinners, and to take me to ballgames. But the last three years, our relationship was … not good. We argued all the time about Donald Trump. Oh my. He fell for ever conspiracy theory. He'd send me link after link to dailynutjob.com, and I'd respond with links of my own to actual news, to scientific journals, etc. The last time we messaged each other, he accused me of being part of the Deep State, and I accused him of being gullible. I see. You regret that you wasted his last years on earth arguing about Donald Trump. I regret that Uncle Elroy's not here to see Donald Trump finally get impeached.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-07 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-07 Pub. Date: 2019-07-07
Image Number: 178419
Caption: Do you think there's life after death, Clyde? 'Course there is, Big L. You know how much death there been? What do you mean? It's been calculated that in all the time people been here, 100.8 billion of them have died. But C-Dog still here, bruh. This isn't all about you, Clyde. Ask Socrates if this all about me ... Oh, you can't.'Cause he dead. An' I ain't. Good talk, Clyde.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-25 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-25 Pub. Date: 2019-06-25
Image Number: 178256
Caption: You know why else our cozy camps aren't concentration camps? Did you just say cozy camps? Yes. How else would you describe camps where thousands and thousands of people get to cuddle in cages to house much fewer … where we intern tiny tots, and where scarce resources have so far cause the gentle parting of 30 adults and children (that we know of)? Gentle part- ... do you mean death? I mean expiration.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-09 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-09 Pub. Date: 2019-06-09
Image Number: 178019
Caption: The year 2039. Beeeep … Beeeep … Beeeep … This is an alert from the emergency broadcast system. This is not a frill. An oxygen dead zone has been detected in your area. Remain indoors, seal all vents, and activate your dwelling's oxygen tank. If you are outdoors without a personal supply of oxygen, proceed to the nearest shelter. If you are at a shelter but have no oxygen insurance, immediately exit the shelter and hold your breath as long as possible. State Tv now returns you to your program, already in progress ... six of the candidates applying to the Chamber of Commerce to be overseer of North America favor an Oxygen for All system. Thanks because they're socialists. Click.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-18 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-18 Pub. Date: 2019-01-18
Image Number: 175844
Caption: I read your new article about Jazmine Barnes getting shot. What'd you think? I think you were right about gang violence and about fatherless homes and about uneducated, hopeless young men. But you were dead wrong about gun control, and about taxpayer-funded daycare and youth camps, and about pouring tax dollars into poor school districts. So ... you like pointing out problems, but you hate pointing out solutions. Is solutions the name of your Marxist unicorn?
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-17 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-17 Pub. Date: 2019-01-17
Image Number: 175843
Caption: You writin' another article about them two that shot little Jazmine Barnes? Her death has to mean something. America cared because people thought racism cause it. Now that we know it didn't … This is an opportunity to get America to care about what did cause it. America caused it. I mean specifically.
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-01-08 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-01-08 Pub. Date: 2019-01-08
Image Number: 175737
Caption: William Shakespeare didn't really write any of those plays. Biggie an' Tupac faked they own deaths. We never went to the moon. Elvis an' Hitler faked they own deaths. Lizard people fun the world. Yo momma never loved you. When Name Your Favorite Conspiracy Theories Goes Wrong. Your girlfriend be cheatin' on you.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-12-01 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-12-01 Pub. Date: 2018-12-01
Image Number: 175159
Caption: I've lived a very long time, dork-boy, and I've seen a lot of people die early. I know the signs. What are they? There are too many to tell you in the time we have left. Go out, Rudy. Dance. Smell the petunias … Today. I'm not falling for it. See the world. Well ... see the city, at least.
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-26 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-26 Pub. Date: 2018-11-26
Image Number: 175154
Caption: Scientists may find a cure for death around the year 2050. It would change everything if we never again had to lose anyone we loved. Of course, we'd also never again lose anyone we hated, either. I guess that's a small price to pay. The only thing that never dies is the futile quest for immortality.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-11-19 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-11-19 Pub. Date: 2018-11-19
Image Number: 175063
Caption: Twitter. Twitter.com/Candorville. Lemont Brown: Plane stuck on tarmac 2 hrs so far. No charging ports. Phone almost dead. May have to resort to conversation w/other human beings.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-19 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-19 Pub. Date: 2018-10-19
Image Number: 174495
Caption: I hear your campaign's going very well, Mort. My what is going what now? … For Congress. You campaign for Congress. You were running neck-and-neck for a while with the incumbent, Congressman Snidely. But now you're up by three. Oh. Must be that Blue Wave they keep talking about. Or maybe it's that people find my progressive values to be very attractive. Yeah. That, and they finally buried him, so the mourning period is over. I'm looking forward to the debate.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-16 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-16 Pub. Date: 2018-10-16
Image Number: 174492
Caption: Rudy Park, my college roommate, sent me an evite to the grand opening of his new café. The zoning board declined to comment. So I filed a Freedom of Information Act request. Turns out the building was rezoned in the dead of night to permit a café, just hours after a huge payment from sources unknown landed in the zoning commissioner's 3-year-old son's savings account. Should I write the expose before I give Rudy a cafe-warming gift ... or after? Remind me never to send you and evite. What's the etiquette?
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-10-14 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-10-14 Pub. Date: 2018-10-14
Image Number: 174287
Caption: My friend Miranda asked me what I thought of the outfit she was going to wear to Burning Man. It was very, very … revealing. How did that make you feel? Like she was toying with me. She made it clear twenty years ago that she just wanted to be friends. But here she was showing me something that she had to know would poke my furnace. You mean stoke your furnace. No, I mean poke. My furnace has been stoked since Freshman year -- it took me years to get that down from a raging inferno to a barely perceptible glow. I see. I think. So I juggled the furnace door to make sure it was locked, and then I stood there wondering if she was poking the coals to reignite them, or poking the coals to make sure they were dead. Or, maybe she just wanted a furnace's opinio -- can we not talk in metaphors? I'm confused. I welded shut the furnace door and turned on the A.C. just to be safe.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-09-18 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-09-18 Pub. Date: 2018-09-18
Image Number: 174073
Caption: The President said his response to the Puerto Rico hurricane was an incredible unsung success. It turns our about as many people died because of the hurricane as died on 9/11. And most of them died in the weeks after the hurricane had passed. He could've done a lot more to save those Americans. I still don't see how this is proof the large Hadron collider shifted us into an antonym universe where words mean the opposite of what they meant in our original universe. In the antonymverse, that means you do see it.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-23 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-23 Pub. Date: 2018-08-23
Image Number: 173657
Caption: I couldn't see. The air ducts surrounding me were a void. But there was something … a whimper, up ahead. Mama … Mama … I inched toward the sound. That's when I felt a … a presence. Behind me, in the distance. My feet grew cold, as if something … dead were breathing on them. Mama! I reached the vent just in time and calmly climbed through it. Calmly don't sound like you, bruh. Who's telling this story.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-08-01 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-08-01 Pub. Date: 2018-08-01
Image Number: 173242
Caption: There you are, Dick. We need to talk. Ok, Ms. Garcia. This morning I asked you to send Mr. Fitzhugh a ficus plant for his birthday. You know what was delivered? A single dead rose. Are you trying to get me fired, Dick Fink? 'Course not. Must've been a mix-up at the florist. The nose said This'll be you soon, old man. Sincerely, Ms. Garcia. That florist is the worst.
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-07-18 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-07-18 Pub. Date: 2018-07-18
Image Number: 172927
Caption: Lemont Brown. Journalist. I'd like to see the conditions inside the internment camp and I'd like to interview the refugees. No, no, no, and no. What? What? I only asked you for two things but you said no four times. You didn't ask if I'd confirm that we black out the windows so the world can't see us mistreating refugees? And you didn't ask if I could confirm that we've been secretly whisking them away in the dead of night to parts unknown? No ... is this all starting to weigh on your conscience? No ... and no.
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-10 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-10 Pub. Date: 2018-04-10
Image Number: 170410
Caption: You know why I don't own a gun, Susan? I have a kid. And kids die from accidental gunshots about once every other day. I could live with it if someone else hurt my Lionel. But I could never live with it if I'm the one who hurt him. But I've got buckets of self-defense rocks beneath all our furniture. Dio mio. When I caught Lionel juggling them, I knew I'd made the right decision.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2018-04-08 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2018-04-08 Pub. Date: 2018-04-08
Image Number: 169718
Caption: Dr. Stephen Hawking saved my life, doc. How so? Dr. Noodle. I was in a deep dark depression. I wanted to end it all. I was about to. But just then, through my tv, I heard this computerized voice announcing his discovery about black holes. They're the most powerful things there are. But he's discovered that theoretically, they lose mass over time, until they're just ... gone. He said things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up ... there's a way out. His loss is a moral and intellectual void that'll never be filled. Well that's depressing ... and ... now I'm ok.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2017-12-15 dead 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2017-12-15 Pub. Date: 2017-12-15
Image Number: 166005
Caption: Ok, I'll go with you to see "Star Wars." But I'm not dressing up as Princess Leia this time. Too painful. I don't want to go to the ladies room, catch a glimpse of my Leia hairbuns, and start crying. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not dressing as Han Solo this time, either. Harrison Ford is still alive. Han Solo wasn't a real person, Lemont. It's not the same. Yeah, but Carrie Fisher's the one I'll see onscreen. In a way, she's still alive too.
     
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