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Rudy Park

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101. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-19 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-19 Pub. Date: 2017-05-19
Image Number: 158092
Caption: Where's my nephew? I haven't seen Rudy in days. He's running an errand for Armstrong. I'm not supposed to say. You're not supposed to say what? Exactly. You're not supposed to say "exactly"? … or vaguely. Well … you do realize you just said both "exactly" and "vaguely." No I didn't. I said nothing. You did not say "nothing.: I'd have noticed.
     
102. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-05 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-05 Pub. Date: 2017-05-05
Image Number: 157562
Caption: Boss … Armstrong … I created a "Trump Generator." You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like "fantastic." I put it online a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with "visit House of Java Cafe, it's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong." I have no idea what you're talking about. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are surprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man!!!
     
103. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-05-01 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-05-01 Pub. Date: 2017-05-01
Image Number: 157558
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
     
104. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-22 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-22 Pub. Date: 2017-04-22
Image Number: 157029
Caption: Boss, there hasn't been a single customer all day. It's almost midnight. Mind if I just close up and go home? Only if you don't mind me not paying you for this last global hour. I don't mind if … wait … what does "global hour" mean? I won't pay you for the 11pm hour every time zone on earth experienced. "Global hour" is not a term! ... I think.
     
105. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-04-18 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-04-18 Pub. Date: 2017-04-18
Image Number: 157025
Caption: Boss, I have a question to ask you, but I'm pretty sure I already know what your answer is going to be. Ask away, minion. Can I have a day off each week to catch up on all the "Star Wars" novels and comic books that tie into the upcoming movie? Of course, Rudy. Who am I to stand in the way of your education in the proper role of a boss and his employee? Wait ... Are you talking about the Emperor and Darth Vader? Excellent training manual, if you ignore the lame social justice warrior parts.
     
106. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-27 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-27 Pub. Date: 2017-03-27
Image Number: 156203
Caption: You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Donald Trump. I had a stroke last year, and I'm totally housebound. Meals on Wheels brings me food every day … so I don’t starve. When I voted for Donald Trump, I was under the influence he was going to help us, not take my food. Translation: You thought he'd cut other people's programs, not yours. Maybe you can chew on that for the next four years.
     
107. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-03-24 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-03-24 Pub. Date: 2017-03-24
Image Number: 155929
Caption: Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: "Britain." Specifically about how a recent poll shows that nearly half of Britain misses Colonialism. They miss the day when they rounded up natives into camps, massacred them, tortured them into submission, ethnically cleansed whole regions, carved up their lands into arbitrary countries and made them all play cricket. Before I open the line to callers, I'm warning you, there will be a strict limit on the number of "Make Britain Great Again" jokes I will allow.
     
108. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-28 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-28 Pub. Date: 2017-02-28
Image Number: 155085
Caption: I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...
     
109. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-15 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-15 Pub. Date: 2017-02-15
Image Number: 154552
Caption: To be honest, dorkboy, I would be deeply saddened to see you lose your job to a robot. You would? Of course. You know why I come here every day to drink the swill you refer to as chamomile tea? It's because I'm a human being, and human beings needs the company of other human beings. And despite living a vapid life full of fakebook relationships, you, Rudy Park, are a human being ... or at a least a reasonable facsimile thereof. Plus, it's hard to make a robot weep like a baby. You almost never make me weep like a baby.
     
110. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-02-08 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-02-08 Pub. Date: 2017-02-08
Image Number: 154257
Caption: I hate congress so much. Excellent first step. But to properly hate people, you've got to first convince yourself they're out to destroy everything you hold dear. You have to remind yourself every day that they don't love sunsets, puppies or even their own children as much as you do. Hatred is starting to sound like work. Oh it takes real commitment, I won't lie.
     
111. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-27 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-27 Pub. Date: 2017-01-27
Image Number: 153711
Caption: What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I'm trying to buy a house, but my lender is dragging its feet. Lender? Lender?! Stop begging for handouts! Do what we did in the old days … scrimp and save and buy a house for cash. And if you can't then you move somewhere cheaper. And if there is nowhere cheaper, start a rumor of a nearby toxic waste dump and MAKE IT cheaper. Yes, ma'am.
     
112. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-17 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-17 Pub. Date: 2017-01-17
Image Number: 153429
Caption: Three days, minion. Three more days of crimes against nature, otherwise known as "rules and regulations." As a great but misguided man once said, "You have meddled with the primal forces of nature! And you … will atonnnnnnne!" Did you hear all that bass in my voice, minion? Come the morn of January 20th, you will hear that rumble across the land. You may want to bow down to me at this point, since I'm expecting Mr. Trump to name me feudal lord of this township. Very bad man.
     
113. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2017-01-02 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2017-01-02 Pub. Date: 2017-01-02
Image Number: 152861
Caption: Rudy, would you mind ordering your uncle his usual oatmeal? Why can't you just order it? Because I don't want to be stereotyped as the old guy who always orders oatmeal. In my day, I ate a wide variety of foods. Every day it was something new and adventurous. It's not fair that I be judged only on what I eat in my golden years. You order the oatmeal, I'll order the Cream of Wheat, and we'll switch when no one's looking. Too adventurous for me.
     
114. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-28 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-28 Pub. Date: 2016-12-28
Image Number: 152644
Caption: Armstrong's out of control. It's like his greed has gone into overdrive. What do you mean? Every day, he comes up with a new way to bilk the customers and me out of our hard-earned money … like usual. But the odd thing is, now he's doing it every five minutes. I don't think he's slept, eaten of bathed in at least three days. I've bathed, but if you want me to wear deodorant it's an extra $5. Holy McConaughey.
     
115. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-27 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-27 Pub. Date: 2016-12-27
Image Number: 152643
Caption: Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Very bad man.
     
116. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-25 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-25 Pub. Date: 2016-12-25
Image Number: 151673
Caption: Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North Pole. "North ... Pole?"? We incinerated it for you as it approached a chimney in your social-congregate region known as "Seattle." You ... wait ... you did what? You're welcome.
     
117. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-23 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-23 Pub. Date: 2016-12-23
Image Number: 152379
Caption: Boss, I've got a new idea. I think it'll quadruple our sales. Not again. We should stop spelling everything correctly. Nobody does that anymore. We should write our menus the way the country writes their tweets. That's the dumb -- wait … that's actually not one of your more horrendous ideas. Thx boss. M gonna take rest of day off k thx bye. Never mind what I just said.
     
118. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-12-05 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-12-05 Pub. Date: 2016-12-05
Image Number: 151819
Caption: Donald Trump's brilliant. Every time horrible news about him breaks, he distracts us will all the tweets. Like when he appointed a guy who wants to privatize Medicare. He distracted us all by tweeting that people who burn flags should lose their citizenship. That did seem to come out of nowhere. People barely ever burn flags these days. HOJ. Whenever he tweets, we'd be wise to check the back page of the newspaper. What's a "newspaper"?
     
119. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-15 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-15 Pub. Date: 2016-11-15
Image Number: 151037
Caption: I heard you were giving out free red-white-and-blue cookies for Election Day. That was last week. I know. But you didn't specify it was for the presidential election. They're voting today for hall monitor at Octavia Butler Elementary School in Pasadena. Technically, that means it's "Election Day." Cookie me now, cookie boy, or I sue for false advertising. Get out.
     
120. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Rudy Park 2016-11-14 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Rudy Park
Viewable Date: 2016-11-14 Pub. Date: 2016-11-14
Image Number: 151036
Caption: I'm going to miss having a cool president. He didn't walk, he strutted. Reminded me of John Travolta in his prime. The best part of the Saturday Night Fever sequel is the end, where Travolta wins and then struts out into the night to that Bee Gees song. If they don't play "Stayin' Alive" as Obama walks to that helicopter and waves goodbye on inauguration day, it'll be a crime. Sorry, I don't get any references older than my iPhone.
     
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