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Candorville

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1. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-16 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-16 Pub. Date: 2019-09-16
Image Number: 179498
Caption: Dick Fink, if Lemont Brown calls, can you put it through? Afraid not, ma'am. I don't work on the Sabbath. The Sabbath is a day of rest. Even the Lord doesn't work on the Sabbath. The Sabbath is Saturday. Today is Monday. I don't consult calendars on the Sabbath.
     
2. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-06 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-06 Pub. Date: 2019-09-06
Image Number: 179298
Caption: I had a horrible day, bruh. 'Member how you gave a speech at a high school the other day? 'Member how you threw up on them kids? I been tryna sell bootleg DVDs of it the past couple of days. Ain't nobody buyin'. E'ry last one of them kids had recorded it an' already posted it to Instagram ... for free! I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Internet be lettin' amateurs run us professionals out of business.
     
3. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-04 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-04 Pub. Date: 2019-09-04
Image Number: 179296
Caption: I got a left sock, a. kidney bean an' a bootleg video of … never mind. Wait … A bootleg video of what? You can't just start a sentence like that and not finish it. It's a video some brotha given' a career day speech to kids in the Monroe High auditorium. Bruh was reeeal nervous. I was not nerv -- I mean, it wasn't me. I ain't never seen nobody projectile vomit they entire lunch before.
     
4. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-03 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-03 Pub. Date: 2019-09-03
Image Number: 179295
Caption: I'm not afraid of public speaking, Susan. Really? Then how come every CNN asks you to go on air to discuss one of your articles, you come up with some lame excuse not to? I appeared once. I remember … I remember you looked an awful lot like Clyde that day, pretending to be you. Everyone knows the camera adds sunglasses, a goatee and different bone structure. Dios mio.
     
5. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-09-02 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-09-02 Pub. Date: 2019-09-02
Image Number: 179294
Caption: Lemont, I'm speaking at Career Day at Monroe high. Wanna join me? No way. Historians are all gaga over President Monroe 'cause he supposedly hated slavery. But the hypocrite owned dozens of slaves. (Sigh) … You really need to get over your fear of public speaking. Sure, he once said slaves should be freed ... then he said they should be deported.
     
6. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-30 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-30 Pub. Date: 2019-08-30
Image Number: 179195
Caption: Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. it reminds me of the time in 1863 when grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field in Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General lee, and the rest is history. Um ... Ok ...
     
7. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-26 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-26 Pub. Date: 2019-08-26
Image Number: 179191
Caption: Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? That was weeks ago. Exactly. A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date. A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion. Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels. A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure.
     
8. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-08-25 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-08-25 Pub. Date: 2019-08-25
Image Number: 179092
Caption: How was your day, Lemont? Horrible. I gave a speech to a high school assembly about the importance of journalism. Halfway through, I realized almost nobody was paying attention. They were all staring at their laps. Turns out most of them were on their phones. Square drones, yeah ... weird/ Seriously? Were you on your phone just now? Of course not. I don't know what you mean by Were you on your phone just now. How about a web search for it?
     
9. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-31 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-31 Pub. Date: 2019-07-31
Image Number: 178783
Caption: What's your question for Ask Sadie? Are America's best days behind us? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in grade school when the schoolmarm told little Jebediah Thistlewood to pull up his knickers. The next day, Jebediah's pa came to school and said In my day, a man was free enough to wear his trousers 'round his ankles if he wanted to. This used to be one humdinger of a country. I still have no idea what he was talking about. I don't even remember what I asked you.
     
10. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-29 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-29 Pub. Date: 2019-07-29
Image Number: 178781
Caption: Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character. I thought my job depended on it. I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal. You said Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy ... that's just a figure of speech. You went on to say I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech. That was a figure of speech too.
     
11. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-26 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-26 Pub. Date: 2019-07-26
Image Number: 178673
Caption: Clyde, what was going on between you and Ice-T on Twitter the other day? Jus' a Twitter beef, bruh. Even a O.G. I respect ain't above some schoolin'. But both of you just went back and forth about which one of you cared less about the back and forth you were doing. All day. Fools better recognize that I couldn't care less if they recognize.
     
12. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-21 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-21 Pub. Date: 2019-07-21
Image Number: 178558
Caption: Did you know the New Yorker posts all its memees on Twitter and on its site? Memes? Yeah, you know, memes. Where they take an image and put a caption over it. The combination of image and caption makes it funny. My generation invented meme culture. I think you're describing cartoons. The other day, I came across a video of Harvard professor Cornell West dancing with his students. HOJ. He was really good at it. It was cute watching a Boomer try to co-opt my generation's movement culture. I do with the New Yorker and Cornell West would bne more original, though. Millennials are an interesting bunch. Was that snark, Boomer? Keep that up and I'll make sure you get ratioed on Twitter.
     
13. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-20 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-20 Pub. Date: 2019-07-20
Image Number: 178564
Caption: Sadie, how can I convince my husband that a vacation is worth paying for? Excellent question. In my day, vacations were an essential component of a successful marriage. I would get two weeks a year to don a bikini, sit on a tropical beach amidst coconuts and oiled-up cabana boys, and recharge my yelling voice. And he would stay home working and have two weeks to live in dread of my imminent return. It was a win-win situation, really. What were we talking about again? Um ... nothing. Thanks.
     
14. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-07-03 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-07-03 Pub. Date: 2019-07-03
Image Number: 178392
Caption: Other day, some grown-#$% man in a business suit rolled over my foot on one of them scooters. You always say grown people look ridiculous on those things. So what'd you do? I rented a scooter too an' chased his @!#$ down. Chased him into his office building's elevator. You sure you weren't just looking for an excuse to ride a scooter? When we got up to the 55th floor, I chased him to his office.
     
15. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-08 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-08 Pub. Date: 2019-06-08
Image Number: 177957
Caption: We missed you at Lionel's soccer game this morning. I meant to come. You've meant to come to this birthday parties, to his piano recitals, to his day care senior play … Who wants to watch three-year-olds perform Grapes of Wrath? I mean I had a big project at work. You really missed out. They performed it dressed as actual grapes.
     
16. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-06-07 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-06-07 Pub. Date: 2019-06-07
Image Number: 177956
Caption: Hi, Momma. Yes, The Giving Tree book you send Lionel did just arrive. Well … we didn't call to thank you because it just got her 20 minutes ago. Well … Yes, actually, calling you in 19 minutes ago would have been too much trouble, because we were racing out to get to day care in time. Well ... yes, I do remember how long you were in labor. But I don't see what that ahs to do with -- well ...
     
17. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-24 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-24 Pub. Date: 2019-05-24
Image Number: 177720
Caption: Boss … Armstrong … I created a Trump Generator. You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like fantastic. I put it onling a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with Visit House of Jave Cafe. It's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong. I have no idea what you're talking aboutk. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are suprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man.!!!
     
18. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-20 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-20 Pub. Date: 2019-05-20
Image Number: 177706
Caption: Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I can accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date my mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.
     
19. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-12 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-12 Pub. Date: 2019-05-12
Image Number: 177592
Caption: So I told her my theory that every day is technically a Sun-day since it's only a day because there's a sun … but she still made me go to school. My mama doesn't understand philosophy either.
     
20. Comic Strip Darrin Bell  Candorville 2019-05-10 day 
Cartoonist(s): Darrin Bell
Comic/Cartoon: Candorville
Viewable Date: 2019-05-10 Pub. Date: 2019-05-10
Image Number: 177532
Caption: What happened, bruh? When we was kids, most we had to worry about was someone had a knife. Didn't nobody bring guns to preschool an' terrorize little kids, Big L. We even had massive gang wars on campus in high school, an' not one person got shot. Ah … the good old days. In my day, we had to wait 'til we was walkin' home to get shot at.
     
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